SEEKING 7 | boys of tommen

d e e

The past few weeks had been some of the best of my life, but in a twisted way, they'd also been the hardest. Each day felt like a battle, and I was losing. Every morning, I woke up and told a lie to the one person I wasn't supposed to keep secrets from. It was easier when things between us were going good but the weight of my deception had become unbearable.

I felt perpetually exhausted, as if I were dragging this colossal secret with me everywhere I went, suffocating under the guilt and the shame. It gnawed at me, keeping me up at night and eating away at any peace I might have found in her presence.

That morning, with the winter ball looming, I finally reached my breaking point. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't carry this burden another day, not without crumbling under its weight. It was too heavy, too crippling, and I was drowning in it.

As I lay there with my arm wrapped around Aurora's naked body, I stared up at the ceiling, trying to map out what to do next. Could I say it? Could I really confess the thing I'd kept hidden for so long, knowing that the last time I'd tried to tell someone, I wasn't believed? Would Aurora even believe me now?

I knew she loved me. That was never in question. But love didn't guarantee belief. It didn't guarantee understanding, and it sure as hell didn't guarantee she'd stay.

I focused on my breathing, attempting to quell the anxiety bubbling up inside me. But no matter how hard I tried to steady myself, it didn't work. Holding my breath only made the thudding of my pulse grow louder in my ears, amplifying the turmoil inside me. I was trapped in my own mind, spiraling deeper into the abyss of what-ifs and maybes.

Desperate for a distraction, my gaze flicked to the tux hanging on the back of my bedroom door, and then back to Aurora, still fast asleep beside me. She'd been out for hours, blissfully unaware, while I hadn't slept a wink. My bed, once a place of comfort, now felt foreign without her in it. I'd grown used to sleeping in her bed, surrounded by her warmth and presence. Now, lying here with her, I felt like I didn't belong in my own space.

But still, having her close brought me a small sense of peace. Her body, so soft and warm, pressed against mine, made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could keep going. She was my anchor. The one bright light in the darkness of my mind. Loving her wasn't a choice—it was an instinct, an overwhelming force that consumed me entirely.

As I watched her sleep, I felt my heart tether itself more tightly to her. She was my forever, whether she knew it or not, and the thought of losing her was almost too much to bear. That's why lying to her felt like a betrayal of the highest order, yet telling her the truth felt equally impossible.

I stayed like that, in silent turmoil, until she finally stirred beside me, her sleepy smile brighter than any sunshine. "Morning, Mr. Joker," she mumbled, shifting closer and draping her arm and leg over me.

"Morning, My Princess," I replied, my heart pounding now that she was awake. Her presence alone seemed to reignite something in me, a warmth that spread through my veins. "Are you okay?"

She gave a soft little hum as she nestled into me, her breath tickling my chest. "I feel great," she replied, her voice still heavy with sleep. "Last night was super fun."

I smiled at her choice of words. Super. She was so bleedin' adorable, and last night meant more to me than she could ever understand. Her presence had driven away demons I couldn't even begin to explain. She made everything feel okay, even when it wasn't.

But I couldn't keep this from her anymore. My heart was screaming at me to tell her. To just come clean. "Do we really have to go to school?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, hoping for a way to delay the inevitable.

She sighed. "Yeah, we do. If I don't show up, Edel will get a call, and then everything will unravel."

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the weight of my confession hanging heavy in the air. "I need to tell you something," I finally said, my throat tight.

Aurora looked up at me, her eyes filled with curiosity. "What is it?"

I swallowed hard, every muscle in my body tensing. "It's about Dee."

I saw the confusion cross her face. "Tommen office Dee?"

"Yeah," I replied, my heart pounding louder now.

Tell her.

"I, ah, I was with her a few times." The words spilled out before I could stop them, and I felt my chest constrict.

Aurora didn't react immediately. She simply looked at me, waiting for more, her expression open but cautious.

"I've been with her, Aurora," I said again, hoping she'd understand without me having to spell it out.

Her face twisted in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I've been intimate with her. Not like... with you, but still..." I trailed off, unable to look her in the eyes.

Pain flickered across her face, and I wanted to disappear. I'd hurt her, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"Why?" she asked softly, her voice barely audible. "Why would you do that, Gibsie?"

"I don't know," I admitted, feeling like the lowest piece of scum. "There's something wrong with me, Rory. Something seriously fucked up."

Aurora didn't say anything for a long moment. Then, quietly, she balled her fists and stood up. "She's going to regret ever touching you." The fire in her eyes burned as she dressed, but I grabbed her arm.

"No. Please, Rory. Just... let it go. It's over. I just wanted you to know the truth."

But the damage was already done.

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A/N: I shortened the chapter because
I got lazy 😭
- Lia 💋