SEEKING 7 | boys of tommen

f i n l e y

"I wonder what his first word's gonna be," I said quietly, gazing down at AJ as he squirmed in my arms. His tiny fists waved in the air, his eyes half-closed as he blinked sleepily at the world around him. At just two months old, the world was still brand new to him, and yet I couldn't help but imagine what he might say when the time came. Aofie sat down beside me, her shoulder brushing mine as we huddled against the crisp October air.

"I'm gonna teach him his first curse—AJ, say 'fuck'," I whispered with a grin, leaning in close like it was some grand secret I was letting him in on. Aofie chuckled softly, shaking her head.

"You wish," she said, laughing under her breath. "Joey'll absolutely kill you if his first word's a curse. No way he's letting you get away with that."

I shrugged, still smiling. "It'd be worth the risk."

Beside me, Declan chimed in, lounging casually on the grass. "Nope, it'll be 'twat.' Trust me, that's the one he'll pick up."

Aiden, leaning against a nearby tree, gave Declan a mock-serious look and shook his head. "No way. It'll be 'wanker.' Guaranteed. Kid's gonna be like, 'First word? Let's make it count.'"

Aofie grinned at that, nodding in agreement as she glanced between the boys. "Oh, definitely. Follows in his auntie's footsteps, doesn't he?" she teased, nudging me with her elbow.

I rolled my eyes with a laugh, glancing back down at AJ as he yawned, completely oblivious to our conversation. "Sure, blame me. Like I'm the only bad influence in his life."

The cool breeze rustled the marigolds we'd brought with us, their bright orange and yellow petals standing out starkly against the muted, gray stone of Finley's grave. Every time I came, I brought marigolds. They were for Finley—my little boy. The flowers had become something of a tradition, something personal between me and him, even now. Every October, we'd bring more, as if it was a way to keep his memory alive in a world that moved too fast without him.

Aofie reached out, brushing her fingers gently over the flowers. "You know, I think Finley would've liked these," she said softly. "They're bright and happy. Like he would've been, like his mammy."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat, nodding. "Yeah. I like to think so, too." My voice was quieter now, the weight of the moment settling in again. "I bring them because... well, they remind me of him. Bright. Full of life. Even if he didn't get the chance to live it."

The wind picked up slightly, sending a shiver down my spine, though it wasn't just from the cold. AJ shifted in my arms, letting out a soft gurgle, and I smiled faintly, reaching out to brush my finger across his cheek.

"He'll know all about Finley," Aofie said softly. "AJ's gonna grow up hearing all the stories, everything his cousin would've taught him."

Aiden looked down at AJ, his expression tender, and nodded. "Yeah, he will. We'll make sure of that."

There was a brief silence, all of us lost in our thoughts, until Declan cleared his throat. "So, Halloween's coming up. First Halloween for AJ. You guys got any plans?"

I blinked, the shift in conversation a welcome distraction. "Oh God, we haven't even thought about it yet. But yeah, he's gotta dress up, right?"

Aofie's face lit up, her enthusiasm bursting through the somber mood like sunshine through clouds. "Absolutely! I'm thinking a pumpkin. AJ would look adorable as a little round pumpkin. It's classic."

I laughed, picturing it. "A pumpkin, huh? That could work. I was leaning toward maybe a little bat—something cute, but spooky."

Declan grinned, clearly enjoying the thought. "How about a tiny wizard? You know, get him a little hat with stars on it and a wand? Start the magic early."

Aiden, ever the contrarian, chimed in from his spot by the tree. "Nah, just throw a sheet over him. Ghost. Classic. Simple. He'll look cute and scare some people at the same time."

Aofie rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Not cutting holes in a sheet for him, sorry. But the bat idea's growing on me."

"We have to take pictures," I added, "It's his first Halloween—he's not gonna remember it, but we sure will."

The conversation flowed easily from there, as we tossed around costume ideas and reminisced about Halloweens past. Declan recounted his most legendary pranks, while we teased him for always getting caught. I found myself smiling as Aofie reminded us of the time Declan almost got grounded for scaring the neighbor's kids too much. It felt good to laugh, even here, where the weight of grief was always present, hanging in the air like a shadow. It didn't erase the pain, but for a moment, it lightened the load.

And yet, as I glanced back at Finley's grave, a quiet ache returned. He would've been just over
four years old this Halloween. I could almost see him toddling around in some silly costume, his bright eyes wide with excitement. "Finley would've loved Halloween," I whispered, the words barely making it past my lips.

Aofie squeezed my hand gently. "Yeah," she said softly. "He would've. But AJ will, too. And we'll make sure he knows all about his cousin. Finley's always going to be a part of his life."

I nodded, grateful for her words. The thought of AJ growing up surrounded by this family, these memories, felt like the best way to keep Finley's spirit alive. "Yeah," I whispered. "We'll make sure of it."