What Are You Doing? | M. Danielle x Reader

Extra: .001 (Alternative Reality)

Narrator

"Did you ever really love me?" Danielle gathered up the courage to ask.

Y/n turned back to look at her and a silent tear rolled down their cheek.

The reality of things was that The Mo-Marsh Family did not have the means to take care of a kid that wasn't theirs.

Mr. Marsh & Mrs. Mo took Y/n in for the sake of Danielle. They did their best to show Y/n that not every adult in their life was going to look down on them. That not every child their age was going to judge them over things they couldn't control...

But Y/n was too young to understand.

Untimely, when Y/n turned 18...

It was time to go.

It wasn't anyone's decision but Y/n's.

The Marsh Family didn't protest because it wasn't their place. Y/n had become an adult and decided it was time to stop burdening people.

Danielle was ultimately left heartbroken. Things had just started to become clearer between the two of them but Y/n just left...

Abandoning Danielle just when she thought they could explore their feelings for each other.

- Y/N POV -

I had never bumped into Danielle before. It had been 2 years since I left her family home and I had, luckily, never seen her around town. It was probably because she went to a university that was a bit further away.

"Did you?" Dani asked again.

I tightened my jaw. Breathing in deeply, wondering if I should answer honestly.

"What do you want me to say?" I could feel tears trying to escape my eyes.

"The truth," Danielle stepped a little closer.

I quickly stepped back.

I was afraid I'd cry if she got any closer.

"Umm, I just gotta buy some groceries. Do you maybe wanna grab something to drink after? I just don't want to get distracted from my task," I offered in hopes that her time was limited.

I wanted her to say she was busy...

But she responded, "Yeah. I'll wait for you at the coffee shop across the street."

I forced a smile in response.

"And don't try to run away. I will track you down," She threatened before walking away.

I did my business and almost did the thing she told me not to do.

- Danielle POV -

I always wondered what could've been but I knew I was selfish for it. It must have been difficult for Y/n to live somewhere they knew wasn't home. I'm not sure Y/n ever really knew what a home was.

"Sorry. The lines were long," Y/n eventually showed up.

I knew their excuse was a lie but I was just relieved they showed up at all.

"I'm sure," I tried not to sound sarcastic.

"Right," Y/n was sensitive enough to pick up on it.

I ordered us some coffee and was surprised when Y/n didn't drink theirs.

"Did you not like it?" I asked.

"I don't really like coffee," Y/n awkwardly cleared their throat.

"Since when?" I awkwardly laughed.

Y/n and I used to drink coffee together all the time.

"Since always. I used to drink coffee with you out of gratitude. A 'thank you' that I was even able to put coffee in my stomach," Y/n gave a small smile.

"Oh," I started to feel bad.

I was starting to feel like I may have pushed a lot of things on Y/n. I was so excited to have them home... that I didn't consider much what it was Y/n wanted...

I only ever focused on what I thought they needed.

"I mostly drank it because I got to spend time with you while doing so. It made me feel less lonely," Y/n whispered.

"But why keep drinking things I don't want to drink or eating things I don't want to eat... when I have options now...?" Y/n chuckled and finally took a sip of their coffee.

My heart broke at that point.

It felt like Y/n was saying that we were just another place to eat. Just another shelter to prevent damage from the elements. Just another place they couldn't call home. With strangers, they couldn't ever love.

"I'm sorry we made you feel uncomfortable. I- I- we were doing what was right for you-"

"You didn't do anything wrong. You never did. All of you. You were wonderful. You were brave and I was the problem. I'm always the problem," Y/n didn't let me finish.

- Y/N POV -

"But you weren't!" Dani raised her voice at me.

I chuckled at her cute attempt to make me feel better but she was wrong. No matter how much I loved her...

I was always going to be the problem.

"Truth is, I did love you. I still do. But, I will never be able to love you the way you've been loved before. The way you need to be loved. That's just a fact. So, don't dwell on it. I'm not worth wondering about. It's really just that simple," I grabbed my drink and set down some money to pay Dani back.

I didn't need much and I knew myself best.

It wasn't worth it for Danielle to wonder 'what things could have been?'

"You have a nice day," I forced a smile and went home.

For some people, it was depressing to live this way. Day in and Day out... I didn't love many things, and not many things brought me joy...

I was always grateful for The Marsh Family and what they did for me, but at the end of it all...

They were just a passing moment in my life.

One big reminder that I could never have what they have.

One big reminder that no matter how much I loved someone, I could never be enough.

I didn't have the energy to be enough.

"How can you know love when you've never had a good example of it?"

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