5SOS Preferences

dear darlin (ashton)

im sad therefore this will be sad. i warned you.

dear darlin,

hi baby girl, its been a year. a whole fucking year without you. sometimes the pain is unbearable, but then I remember our memories. I miss your touch and your kisses. and your hugs. And your laugh and your smile and the way you sometimes looked like a bunny but other times a vogue model and how you used to wear beanies all the time and how your hair was "never quite right" to you but always looked good to me. I'd give anything to hold you. To feel your head against my chest and your chapped lips pressed to my skin. And I know you wouldn't want me to lie to you, so I'm going to tell you now that I did go through these feelings of wanting to die along with you. I never wanted to live in a world that you dont exist in because it's so hard but now I can almost handle it. You thought so much of me I didnt want to throw that away. I still want to make you proud so I really hope you're watching over me because tbat would make living right now alot easier. I also went through feelings of anger. I was so mad at you for leaving, for dying so suddenly. You didnt give me warning or time to prepare. But I guess you can never really prepare for when you're going to loose someone you thought you'd have forever. You always had a fear of people leaving you, forgetting about you, so why'd you leave me? The boys miss you a lot, even the fans do. Not nearly ad much as I do though. Everybody worries about me, and I worry about me too but I just hope you're okay, wherever you are, because I know how hard living for you sometimes was. Just know that I miss you, I think about you everyday, you'll never be forgotten, and I love you. I wont ever stop loving you.

forever and always,
Ash xoxo