Hope (Harry Styles)

6.

Abby's POV

Adventure Of A Lifetime- Coldplay

It feels like I haven't really laughed in years when in reality it's only been five months. After losing Hope it was like my whole body shut down. Like my heart stopped beating sufficiently enough to pump the life force through my veins, like my lungs had stopped taking enough air to feed enough oxygen to my body.  I had shut down, physically and emotionally, and that was keeping me from being the fun, outgoing person I was.

Just thinking about what Hope would think, seeing me the way I have been the last five months had me breaking down into tears. No matter how much I tried to stop them from falling, once the first one fell it was like the floodgates had opened.  I knew that if Hope saw me acting the way I am she would be yelling at me to get off my ass and stop sulking. She would tell me  that I didn't need to stop living my life and being happy, that I could still have a life and honor her.  But I still felt guilty, even with her voice in the back of my mind telling me not to be, I still felt horrible to be laughing and feeling happy. 

Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty. Like I shouldn't feel bad for being happy. Isn't that what I've been wanting to get back to? The happy me I was before I lost my best friend? Isn't that what my friends what me to get back to? Don't they just want to see me happy and alive again? Why can't I just get to that place? I feel myself getting there, like today, I felt like my myself talking with Harry and then just now when he was teasing me about my height. I felt my self letting go and not worrying about the guilt that has been eating away at me for months. That I was finally realizing that no matter how hard I tried, Hope still would have gotten in that car. 

So from now on I was going to just let myself be happy and just focus on that and getting back to my happy go lucky self. 

As we walked to the rest of the group, I saw Violet and Megan smiling at us or more at me. I'm sure they saw how happy I looked or have seen the change in me in just a short while.  I was going to try my hardest to keep pushing towards my ultimate goal. To be happy and be the he friend that they remembered. 

I was unaware that we had made it to the group, so completely in my own head that I wasn't paying attention.  Harry nudged me with his elbow and I looked over at his outstretched hand that was holding a beer. My first instinct was to decline but then I remembered that I was trying and my old self would accept that beer. So that's exactly what I did.

I was well aware of Violet and Megan watching me. I could see they were surprised that I was actually going to drink. I hope they could that I was trying.

"Did you want to sit?" I point to the picnic table. Everyone decided to set up chairs and drag the picnic table out to the beach area behind out site, the one that's in the cove. They were building a fire pit when we walked up. Harry nods and I slide onto the bench, Harry sliding in next to me. His thigh was pressed against mine and it set my whole body on fire. I don't know what it was about him being so close that had my whole body buzzing. Maybe it was the fact that I was super attracted to him. Yeah, that's probably it. I wonder if he felt it to, that pull. I look up at him and he's already looking at me. I bite my lip, getting lost in his eyes. He glances down at my mouth and back up at me, his eyes noticeably darker, full of...lust? I let go of my lip and run my tongue over it, which only seems to effect him more. I didn't realize how much of a turn of lip biting could be. I've read Fifty Shade, but I thought it was just something Christian found sexy, I guess it never dawned on me that other people could find it sexy too. To say the idea that I turned Harry on didn't effect me, would be a complete lie. Watching his expression change to one of lust and seeing his chest rise a little faster than normal, had me quite turned on as well.