Hope (Harry Styles)

21.

Abby's POV

I lean back against the front door, sliding down until I'm sitting on the floor. I'm shaking and not from the freezing cold I was just out walking in. I don't stop the tears from coming, knowing there's no use in trying to hold them back. After getting off the phone with Harry it's like my body just gave up and everything came flooding back.  All the feelings I've been trying to suppress, all the memories I've been trying to forget, all came rushing back. I wasn't expecting this, I wasn't ready. If I had know I'd be receiving texts and phone calls from Harry tonight I word have drank more at the party. Why did he have to call me? Why did he have to sound so miserable? I felt my heart breaking all over again, the resurfacing memories causing an ache in my chest I don't think I'll ever get use to.

I didn't even know what to say when he started rambling on about missing me and dancing with some girl and almost sleeping with her. I know that was so unlike him and he must be hurting pretty bad if he had considered sleeping with some random girl he met at a party. He didn't even sound like the Harry I knew. He started talking about being lost and I just gave him the only advise I could think of giving him, which was advise I should be taking right now. I needed to focus on what's important, on things I was sure of.

God, why am I even crying right now? This is ridiculous. I made the decision months ago to just cut ties with Harry and move on, putting my feelings for him deep in the dark recesses of my mind, knowing that was the only way I'd ever be able to move on and focus on what really mattered. I needed to focus on getting my life back together after being so messed up after losing Hope and I had to focus on college and work, getting my future set. I didn't have time to try and make a long distance relationship work and dealing with the emotional ups and downs that come along with it. I know I liked Harry a lot, and I know what we had was amazing and he was everything I've ever wanted, but we were thousands of miles apart and I couldn't lie to myself and keep thinking that it would work out. If we are meant to be together, we will find a way back to each other some how.

I wipe under my eyes, refusing to cry a single tear over Harry or any other guy ever again. I stand up, brushing myself off and heading to my room with a whole new wave of determination. From now on I wouldn't think of Harry, I would go about my life and throw myself into school work and doing extra for work. If I was ever going to get over Harry, this is how I needed to do. And I will.

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The next four weeks fly by, schoolwork and work at the Herald keeping me busy. I can't believe in a month and a half I will be graduating.  It seems like everything is falling into place, school is going great, my grades are good, work at the Herald is amazing and I'm actually heading to a meeting for a permanent job after graduation.  If I get this I will be ecstatic. My dreams would be coming true, I'll have a great job doing what I love, living in a city that I love.  What could be better than that?

A certain name tries to wiggle it's way in my thoughts but I don't let it.  This past month I've been doing good job at keeping that green eyed boy in the back of my mind.  At first it was hard, after he called and everything came rushing back, I put all my thoughts and emotions into songs. I hoped that if I did that it would be easier to deal with and easier to forget.  It seems to have worked so far.

I walk into The Boston Herald office and nervously make my way over to the elevators.  I wipe my shaky hands on my black dress pants before hitting the button to call the elevator.  I don't know why I was so nervous. My boss loved me and was always complimenting my work, I had no reason to be nervous.  It was just that this was a huge deal, it's what determined my future. If I was told today that I was guaranteed a permanent position with the Herald my life would be set, I'd be happy. If not, it means that I've wasted the past seven months interning for a company that has no room for me, when I could have been out interning with someone that could keep me on full time.  If that's the case, hopefully I could get a good recommendation from my boss at the Herald.