Hope (Harry Styles)

18.

Beside You- 5 Seconds of Summer

Abby's POV

It was almost dark by the time I hear someone walk up and sit down next to me.  I was really surprised when I saw that it was Sean that sat down.  He was the last person I expected to see.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, my voice raw from not speaking for so long. I look back out into the water, watching the rest of the sun go down.

"I'm here to see if you want to come back to our site, it's getting dark. Violet and Megan are worried about you." He explains to me, looking out at the water as he speaks, twirling a small flashlight in his hands.

"I figured. But why you?" I know I was being rude but I couldn't care less at the moment. I was so emotionally drained that I couldn't even filter what came out of my mouth.

"I deserve every ounce of anger you throw at me," I nod at his statement, "and I offered to come get you because I wanted another chance to apologize for how crazy I have been acting lately.  I don't know what had gotten into me, I guess Hopes death really scared me."

His comment made my head snap up. I look at him confused, "what do you mean?"

"Seeing her life cut short because of a stupid decision, really makes a person think. Life can be taken away at any given moment, whether you had a full, happy life or not. I guess I just wanted to have a full happy life." I was taken back by the sadness in his voice. Did he think I was going to give him a full and happy life?

"And you thought that was going to be with me??" I was dumbfounded, at a complete loss for words.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I was happy, or I thought I was happy.  You made some good points the other day and looking back now I realize that as much as I wanted us to be happy and to work, it just wasn't going to. I have had a lot of time to think in the last twenty four hours and figured out that I was never going to be happy if I had to practically beg someone to be with me and if I ignored them.  So I'm extremely sorry."

His apology was heartfelt and honest and I respected him for that. It had to have taken a lot to say all that. "Thank you Sean, the really means a lot." He nods, keeping his eyes out on the water. 

"So, this Harry guy..."

"Sean," I warn. Hearing Harry's name was like a stab to the heart.

He puts his hands up in defense, "I'm not going to be mean, I swear," I hold my hand out for him to continue, "you really like him don't you?"

I'm silent for a moment, "yes. I do."

"I'm sorry he had to leave, I can't imagine how hard that must be," he tells me.  I was completely baffled by the fact that I was sitting here with Sean, having him sympathize over how I missed Harry.

"It's...hard," I say, becoming distant.

"How about we go back and try and have a good night before we head home tomorrow?" Sean suggest, holding out his hand to me. I look at his hand, contemplating whether or not I want to head back or sulk in my misery a little longer.

I end up grabbing his hand, letting him help me stand. Together we walked back towards our site. The air growing cooler as the wind started to pick up, the sun completely gone now. I had spent the whole day, sitting there on the beach, miserable and quite possibly sun burnt.

I could see the glow of the fire and the low murmurs of everyone talking.  I tried ignoring the knot in my stomach when the picture of Harry and his friends sitting with us around the fire last night flashed across my mind.  It was like every other second there was something that reminded me of Harry and every time the knot in my stomach grew and grew, eating away at me. If this was any indication on how it was going to be from now on, I have no idea how I was going to survive.