Hope (Harry Styles)

40.

Good To You~ Marianas Trench

I find an empty picnic table a little ways down from the doors. I was thankful that there weren't that many people outside to witness my mental breakdown. I sat down, facing out towards the parking lot. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, covering my face with my hands, trying to keep myself from crying. I know this was going to happen. I knew I was going to lose it. It's why I didn't want to sing it. It would have been different if I sang it privately, for just Violet and Eleanor, and even Danielle and Eleanor, but not in front of Harry. He was my one weakness and he finally broke through the wall I've been so desperately trying to keep together.

"Abby?"

I jump, looking up from my hands. My heart sank a little when I saw Evan sitting down next to me. A part of me wished it was Harry who had followed me out.

"Are you alright?" Evan asked, resting his hand on my back as I stayed leaning on my elbows.

"I don't know," I whisper, not really sure how I should start this conversation.

"Well, how about we start with what really went on between you and Harry," Evan suggests and I look up at him in shock. "It was kind of obvious you two had something a lot more than  you two let on. You never took your eyes off of him the whole time you sang." He didn't look upset, or hurt, he didn't even look angry. He wasn't really showing any kind of emotion and I found that really odd.

I told him everything though, about the night I stumbled upon Harry on the beach, now we talked all night and how we spent every waking minute together for two days. I told him how strongly I felt for harry, how those feelings never really went away. I told him about breaking up with him and regretting it, how seeing him at A&H that night made me realize just how stupid I was for ending things.

"I'm so sorry, I should have been honest with you, it wasn't fair of me to keep this from you," I appologize, turning so I was facing him. His hand dropped from my back and he placed it on the table behind us.

"Don't worry about it. I kind of had a feeling something was going on between you too, but I didn't really care. It wasn't like this was going to go anywhere a yeahs," he motions between us with his hand.

"What do you mean?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"I don't do serious relationships. I figured you knew that when I told you I'd been with a lot of girls. Like I said, I get bored easy. Not just with my vehicles." I'm to shocked to even say anything right now. I am blown away with what is coming out of his mouth.

"Why even stick around this long and act like you actually wanted a relationship?" I finally found my voice. I sit up straighter, scooting away from him.

"Well usually girls give it up easier than you did. I was actually quite shocked at how good you were in bed that I wanted to stick around a little longer. I had a feeling when I saw you for the first time in Starbucks that you would be fun," he smirks and chuckles. I stand up and move in front of him. I felt like I was going to get sick. How could I be so naive? Why didn't I see this?

"You are disgusting! I can't believe how stupid I was. I mistook your kindness for affection, instead you were just tying to manipulate me into getting what you want. And you did. I feel so gross right now." I thought I was going to throw up. I put a hand over my stomach and rush over to the bushes where the contents of my stomach, which was mostly alcohol, came back up.

I hate myself right now. I kept denying myself what I truly wanted because I didn't want to hurt this piece of shit what was grinning at me right now. He has pissed me off so much and he's making it worse by sitting there grinning like he's won some game. I was seeing red right now and I marched over to him and I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. His head turned to the side from the impact, the slap echoing around us.