Hope (Harry Styles)

52.

Anywhere But Here- Safetysuit

Harry's POV

I'm confused. Angry. Sad. And most of all, disappointed. In myself and how I let myself be put in this situation. I'm always so careful. Michelle and I always wore protection, even though we hardly had sex. My mind was always off thinking about Abby to fully give my attention to Michelle. At first I thought it could be Evans, but then she told me how far along she was and that idea was shot down.  She could be lying but then I heard Abby talking on the phone and seeing the way she looked and how heartbroken she was only confirmed that what Michelle said was true. My heart sank even more. I don't know how this happened. Well I know how it happened, I just wish I wasn't so careless and paid attention. This could have been prevented if I would have noticed if the condom broke. 

I'm a mess right now, I don't know which way is up or which way is down. My thoughts are all over the place. I don't know what to do.  I know what I should do. I should go back to Michelle and support her and our child. Just thinking about that makes my heart hurt.  The thought of leaving Abby for Michelle makes me sick to my stomach. We just got back together, Abby and I, and I don't want things to end between us.  I'm disappointed that I talked to Abby the way I did.  This isn't her fault, I know that, I just let my anger get the best of me.  That's no excuse for yelling at her and pushing her away like I did.  She is right though, she is in the middle of this.  My decision, whatever it is, effects her. If I decide to do what's right and go back to Michelle to raise this child, Abby suffers. If I stay with Abby and try to help raise this child, Abby is there with me, seeing me raise a child that isn't ours. That will be tough for her I'm sure. 

Abby and I haven't even discussed having kids.  I loved kids. They have always been drawn to me, probably because I was goofy and made them laugh. I've always wanted kids someday.  I wanted to be married to the love of my life and raise a family with her. I found the love of my life but things took a wrong turn and someone else was having my child.  It wasn't suppose to happen like this. Why is it when things start to be good again, when my life starts coming together how I wanted it to, everything has to come crashing down.  It's like the universe didn't want me to be happy.  Maybe I'm still paying for my reckless behavior from that night I drove drunk. 

I know I need to find Abby and apologize for how I treated her.  I need to make things right. I grab my phone and dial her number. Straight to voicemail, she must have her  phone off.  I slide on my converse and rush out the door and to my car.  I speed down the road, breaking a few traffic laws on the short drive to Abby's apartment. I pull into the first parking spot I find and jump out of the car as soon as I shut it off. I ignore the curious glances I get as I run inside, taking the stairs two at a time.  The elevator would have been too slow and would have made me agitated and I need to stay calm.

I knock on her door.  Nothing. I knock again.  Still nothing.  She either wasn't here or she was ignoring me. Since the second option seems more likely I use the key she gave me a few weeks ago and unlock her door, stepping inside.  I see her keys and her bag on the floor. I make my way down her hallway and knock on her bedroom door, opening it slowly. Her room is pitch black, her curtains blocking everything out. A small beam of light from the hallway cast just enough light for me to see her small form cuddled up under her blankets. "Abby?" I hate how my voice cracks, showcasing the fact that I was crying.  Beside the slow, even rise and fall of her chest, she wasn't moving. She must be sleeping.  Or ignoring me and pretending to be asleep. 

I shut the door quietly and make my way over to her bed, thankful it was a clear path since I could hardly see.  I slide off my shoes and climb under the blankets, scooting my way over to Abby.  I reach out and place my hand on her hip, her body stiffens for a second but as I run my hand up over her stomach, curling my arm around her and pulling her close, I feel her relax into me.  She doesn't say anything.  I know she's awake, her breathing is uneven and I feel her heart beating erratically against my chest.