We arrived at this fancy Italian restaurant. It was really gorgeous to look at. Outside, it had fairy lights draping along the roof, cute little plants shapped into hearts and some different coloured lights leading along the side walk. We entered the restaurant, as a smell of pizza entered our noses. It was even prettier inside may I add. It had small versions of the previous fairy lights, hanging low from the ceiling. It was like a cute cabin on the inside. The walls and floor were made of wood but it was really cosy. It had a large fireplace at the back of the restaurant which made it warmer and nicer to be in the presence of. We were quickly greeted by a staff member I'm guessing, but she didn't have an australian accent, more like an english one. I'm guessing she moved here too.
My hand was lightly holding on to Beau's, but it was weird. Everytime Luke came close to me Beau's grip would tighten. I guess he was only looking out for me but it was a little strange that he felt he would have to try and restrain his own brother from me. I guess it's just Beau's way of being protective over me. I liked his protectiveness though, I found it really cute actually.
The staff member led us over to our table. It was a huge long table with about 24 seats at it. No wonder we had to get a reserved table. Beau led me to where he wanted us to sit. We sat next to eachother, near the end of the table. Kylie sat next to me on the other side of me. We all got seated but it was a little awkward, because Luke was right infront of me with his new girlfriend. In all honesty I don't know why she chose her. He could do much better. She wasn't that pretty, she wasn't ugly but she wasn't aything special in my opinion. She had shoulder length mud brown hair, with a fringe and hair that sat pin straight. She had dark eyes, not like a chocolate, hazel colour like Luke's, but a muddy disgusting colour instead. Her nose was small but it was a little pointy towards the end. Her lips were outlined with a lip liner which was way too dark for her skin tone, it looked like she had just poured chocolate around her lips and didn't wipe it off properly. She was however very skinny, but she was sort of small. In my opinion Luke could do so much better, but I could see it in his eyes. When he looked at her, he wasn't inlove with her. He didn't want to be where he was with her. He wasn't comfortable in her presence in this way. You could just tell at how he looked at her.
We were all given a menu each to order what we wanted. I ordered spaghetti bolognese beacuase it was my favourite, and so did Beau. It's really cute because Beau and I loved basically all of the same things. Everyone else ordered some sort of pizza, I didn't really pay attention. Once the waitress had taken our orders she took all of the menus so now all we had to do was make conversation and wait. Beau's grandparents started speaking to Gina in some Italian accent, I thought his grandparents were from Australia?
"Beau?Are your grandparents Italian?", I asked, giggling a little because I really should know this stuff, it was pretty basic.
"Yeah, that's why were in an Italian restaurant silly", he answered, tapping my nose with his index finger.
I giggled a little and held hiss hand from under the table. He was such a sweet caring boyfriend. I really had fallen for him hard, he was perfect, everything I ever wanted or needed. I looked over across the table and saw Luke and Madison, not even talking, Luke was talking to Jai and Kylie, while Madison just sat there. Hah, knew it. I turned back to Beau and kissed him gently on the lips. I felt him smile as my lips brushed against his ever so softly. We both pulled away and smiled a little. I squeezed his hand softly and grinned at him.
"Beauuuuu?", i sang.
"Yeeeess?", he sang back, playing along.
"I love youuuuu", I sang again.
"I love you toooo", he sang back, then pecking me on the lips softly.
I used to be really unsure of my feelings with love. I still believe that the word 'love' is thrown around too carlessly and isn't meant by who uses it. But I did mean it with Beau now. I'm sure I loved him, he's the only one who can make me happy, I know I love him. He's amazing.
After a good 40 minute wait, our food finally arrived. We were all talking during the wait, I even learnt a lot about Beau's grandparents. They're all so lovely, his grandma is actually very fond of me, as she said anyway. Everyone started digging in to their food, we were all starving. Beau and I decided to be cute and share our spaghetti so we would get on the final piece of spaghetti and you know what happens. I looked across the table to find Luke and Madison were being all cute and romantic too. They were pushed together, all sharing pizza and kissing basically every single fucking time they ate a bit of pizza. It was actually really getting to me for some reason, I'm not sure why. Probably just because a girl like her didn't deserve someone like Luke.
Was I jealous? Why would I be jealous? It's not like I owned Luke, he can do whatever the fuck he wants for all I care. But that's the thing. I do care. I am jealous because that's what I used to have with Luke, but it was much more intimate and romantic, not all that fakeness up there. Maybe Luke did this on purpose, to try and woo me back and get me jealous. Nope, maybe not. He wouldn't do that, he knows how I feel about Beau, plus he wouldn't have the guts to play a girl like that. I don't think so anyway. If he did. I felt a burst of anger and hurt come over me as I thought that Luke would do that.
"Uh, babe I gotta go to the bathroom", I whispered to Beau.
"Ok babe", Beau whispered.
I scooted out of my chair and made my way to the bathrooms. I clenched my fists and felt my eyes water up. I bit my tongue to stop myself crying, which seemed to work for now. I walked into the bathrooms and locked myself in a cubical. I leant against the plastic wall of the cubical just thinking of everything. I love Beau, right? But I still have feelings for Luke. Well, don't they always say 'If you love someone but you fall for another, go for the second person because if you really loved the first you wouldn't have fallen for the second.' Well, then I'm confused, because firstly, the second person was Beau I guess, yeah? But now something's happening with Luke, but I'm not exactly falling for him right? Because my feelings never left with Luke..They were always there, so I guess I'm just gonna have to deal with it myself. I 'm not leaving Beau, because i do love him, but what the fuck is going on with Luke?
Ever since that girl Madison walked in my feelings have been fucked up. It's just jealousy right? I mean, every girl gets that after a recent boyfriend gets a new girlfriend, its normal. It's just hitting me hard because I never ended things with Luke the right way. I remember things before the break up with Luke. Sometimes I just wonder what it would be like if we didn't go to that party after all. Luke wouldn't have cheated. What would it be like?
Maybe it would be like before the break up, when we did cute things together. Like whenever we would sit in his room and watch the Notebook and sob together, or when we'd just lay in each others arms for hours on end just whispering to each other and listening to each others breathing, hearing his heart beat against his chest. Damn I miss that. That's one thing I don't have with Beau. We never just lay together for hours and listen to each others breathing, it used to be so peaceful with Luke just like that. Before I knew it, I had a tear slipping down my cheek. I hated to say it but I did miss Luke a lot sometimes, like now. It's not that I want him back because trust me I'm happy with Beau it's just sometimes I wish some of this never happened, just what it would all be like if he didnt cheat that night. I guess I'll never know. I don't know what's going on with my feelings now, I'm sure these feelings for Luke are just past feelings that haven't gone away yet because of our brutal break up, but should they have gone away?
I see the way Luke looks at me, he's not over it yet either. Maybe, just maybe, we both wish deep down, that party never happened.
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lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks
Fanfiction"one girl. one diary. two boys."
