lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks

Chapter Thirty Five

CAN I JUST THANK YOU GUYS SO MUST FOR ALL OF THE READS ILYSM

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*KELSEYS POV*


Lying in your bed, crying yourself to sleep every night isn't as fun as you think. Not only crying yourself to sleep though. Have you ever expreienced waking up, feelings the dried in tears laying upon your face, and remembering why you were crying and start crying again? I couldn't escape from it. It was like a curse, a virus. All I can think about is that stupid diary. Why did I ever write in it? I'm so stupid. Oh, and did I mention that I'm pretty sure no one even likes me anymore? My parents didn't even give a shit when I told them I came home at 2am from a fucking forest in the middle of nowhere with mascara streaming down my face. They didn't even text back. Yeah, on my birthday you probably thought they cared for me right? Because they went all out with the gifts? They go all out with the gifts to bribe me not to leak them out, because they barely do anything for me at all. They don't even care about me. Oh, and Kylie? Yeah, as I suspected, she thought I was a whore who basically drove Luke and Beau away. She hasn't spoken to me since she came to my door, yelling brutal things at me.

*Flashback*

I got home at 2am, from that forest I ran to after my encounter with Luke and Beau. I got lost a lot, because like I mentioned, it was on the part of Melbourne I'd never actually been to before, I wasnt even slightly familiar with it. Anyway, after I finally made my way home, I took a shower and washed my face, to make me feel a little bit better. I changed into my pjammas and sat down on my bed, just staring at my laptop. I was scrolling through my timeline, just watching the hate from the janoskian fans I followed , aimed at me come in.

"oh my god what a fucking whore, why did Luke AND beau ever even touch her, she's a rat"

That was only one tweet that broke my heart. They were right, I am a skank. I didn't mean to be, I didn't mean to fall for Beau. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. I just wanted Luke back at the start but then my feelings and Beau's feelings got fucked up. I placed my hands over my eyes and quietly sobbed into them, with whatever tears I had left. I heard a loud bang at the door which made me jump. Maybe it's Luke coming to make it up with me again. I doubt it. He hates me, I wouldn't be able to talk to him anyway, I'd probably be too much of a wimp to even speak without crying. I slowly left my room and made my way downstairs, eyeing the door. I was wondering who it was. Maybe my parents came home early? WRONG. I'm sure they wouldn't want to come home to a daughter who just cries and screams. I walkd closer to the door and slowly opened it. It revealed Kylie. My best friend.

I went in to hug her because I thought she was there to comfort me. But no, she pushed me away and gave a horrid look. I was confused, I thought she would stick by me?

"Kylie?", I said almost like a whiper. Confusion was clear in my voice, I could barely say her name.

"You're a real skank you know that. You're disgusting. I thought you were actually with Beau because you loved him. BUT NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU WANTED FUCKING JEALOUSLY FROM LUKE! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING DISGUSTING THAT IS? THEN YOU EXPECT HIM TO COME BACK FOR YOU? I CANT EVEN BELIEVE YOU LET IT DRAG ON FOR THIS LONG! IF YOU WERE GOING TO USE YOUR EX BOYFRIENDS BROTHER FOR JEALOUSLY DO IT AT LEAST FOR A DAY NOT FOR LIKE WHAT 2 MONTHS? NOT EVEN TO MENTION THAT BEAU LOVED YOU! THEY BOTH HATE YOU NOW ANYWAY SO WHO THE FUCK CARES. NO ONE LIKES YOU KELSEY NO ONE! YOU DROVE EVERYONE AWAY WITH YOUR SLUTTY ACT! DONT EVEN THINK WERE FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE HONEY, THAT TRAIN LEFT THE STATION WHENEVER I HEARD ABOUT YOUR GAMES!" she screamed at me. Tears were rushing down my face as she didn't hesitate to shout awful things at me. I didn't blame her, I was a slut. I was a skank. I deserved to die. She glared at me for atleast twenty seconds before turning around on the heel of her foot and leaving. I watched her as she drove off in her car. I was speechless. Not once did I think my own best friend would say such things to me. She also implied that everyone hated me, so I guess Pandora and Veronica are gone too. Thats me. Lonely. No friends. No family. No one to make me feel okay. NO ONE. I slammed the door shut and ran up to my room, I couldnt even cry after it all. I was all just too much. I just couldn't take it.

I wrote a simple tweet, to each of my friends and the boys.

'@kylieexox I'm sorry.'

'@Veronica_Bravo I'm sorry'

'@pandorathepanda I'm sorry'

'@James_Yammouni I'm sorry'

'@danielsahyounie I'm sorry'

'@JaiBrooks1 I'm sorry'

'@BrooksBeau I'm sorry'

'@Luke_Brooks but mostly, I'm sorry'

I knew they wouldn't forgive me, but I just wanted to let them know I was sorry.

*End of flashback*

I felt pretty shit, I didn't cry anymore. I don't think I had it left in me to cry. I was so weak, I just got used to the numbness. Like being punched several times, it hurts like fuck at the start, but the you just get used to the hurt that you don't even wince anymore. I felt pretty useless, I just sat around all day. I'm not going to lie, I was too scared that if I even set foot outside that more rude things would be yelled. In all honesty though, they haven't heard my half of the story. I walked around my room which was still pretty messed up. I was walking to the bathroom to shower when i stepped on something i hadnt noticed last night. It was a photo of myself and Luke, it was drawn. It was beautiful, even though it was crumpled. I found rose petals followed by a rose that was dying on the floor too. I went over to my bin, carrying the dying rose to place it in the bin when I came across a letter that was crumpled into a ball. I lifted it from the trash and read it.

(A/N I'M NOT GONNA INCLUDE THE WRITING FROM THE LETTER BECAUSE IT'S IN CHAPTER 33 ANYWAY)

It was beautiful. Luke basically admitted to me that he loved me, and that he'd always wanted me, i was shocked. It didnt mean anything though, this was before he found the diary. This was supposed to be his birthday present. Along with the photo album too, which I just stuck under my bed..I was too scared to look in the memories because I knew I'd fall weak again.

I placed the letter on my bed side table, not destined to read it again, because it would just make me realise what an idiot I am all over again. Not that this letter makes it any easier anyway, It would just complicate everything with Beau. But whatever, that's all over now, I have no one anymore. There was nothing for me to dwell on. I was just a human that breathed, nothing to live for. No one was ever going to be there for me, I was worthless. Useless. I wasn't supposed to be here. Why couldn't some one who NEEDS a life take mine? Mine sucks enough as it is, I don't want this. I don't need this. I cant stand it all, I just need to escape. Escape from the madness, the hate, the drama, the sadness, the hurt, the pain, but especially, Luke.