*Luke's POV*
I kissed her. Why did I kiss her? I just couldn't stop myself. I'm supposed to hate her but I just can't. I love her, and trying to act like I hate her isn't helping me at all, but I have to. For now anyway. I'll tell her soon that I love her, I just need to wait until this blows over a little, and people lay off her. I'll just try and avoid her a little, if that's even possible for me, but atleast then I won't have to act as if I 'hate' her to her face. Beau however, Beau is a mess. I don't know whats happening for him, his feelings really are, fucked up. At least I know that I love Kelsey, he literally has no idea if he loves or hates her. But as much as I want to, I can't just jump after her, and get with her already. As seriously much as I want to, I can't, that would hurt Beau way too much, but it is about time I do something for myself, after all, I'm the one who's been being hurt for so long and Beau's been living the dream.
I miss her like hell. You know when you miss someone so much it actually feels like someone is punching you over and over again, or kicking you in the stomach so many times you feel like your heart is just going to drop out of your chest? Or when it feels like once they've left, they've went and ripped a huge part of you out and taken it with them? Yeah, that's how I felt. Until I got to her again, I wouldn't be me again. I couldn't be true to myself anymore or even go on without her. Cliche? Maybe, but that's honestly how I feel. It's literally like my life is a walking disaster love movie, but I can't do anything to stop it. But that doesn't matter anymore. I'll fix this, soon. I'll have her back in my arms. The girl of my dreams wont have to be the girl of my dreams anymore, she'll be mine.
I don't mean this to be rude, at all. But, she's kind of like one of those flies that whenever you swat them away, they just come back to you, closer than they were before, and no matter how many times you swat them away, they'll just come back to you closer than ever, until they finally fly away after trying too hard. That's what Kelsey was like. No, I'm not referring to Kelsey as a 'fly' at all, no way, I'm saying she has the same tactics, I guess. Every time I push her away, she tries to come back and fix it, and when I push her away even more, she'll still come back closer and try to fix it again and try to make it all okay again, and after multiple times of myself pushing her away even though she's done nothing, she'll always come back, but eventually, once it all comes one too many times, she'll leave, and find another place to go. She won't stick around anymore, she'll fly away again, and won't give you anymore chances. She'll get sick of it, she'll leave because she's tried too many times, she's hurt hurself too many times, of being 'swatted' away by the hurtful hands, or in reality, the 'hurtful hands' the fly gets hurt by, would be the hurtful words. So really, she did have the same tactics as the fly. She came back everytime you pushed her away, no matter what you said, she would always come back, until one day it all got too much, and I can't let it get to that 'one day'. I need to catch her before she leaves again.
I stood up from my bed and slipped on my black Janoskians Tour hoodie. Don't judge, it's the comfiest one I have. I changed into a pair of rough jeans, that were quite skinny by the way, but I just kept on my red top with a panda imprinted on it. I put on a pair of my vans and put a black beanie on my head before grabbing my phone and walking downstairs. I walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, finding Jai on a seat by the table, eating breakfast. His eyes lifted and he looked at me.
"Hey bro, where you going?", he said, his mouth full of milk and chocolate cheerios. I continued to grab my bottle of water and shut the fridge as he spoke.
"Just for a walk to the park, it's really stuffy in the house, I just need to get out and think you know?", I said, and he nodded, clearly unable to speak due to the cereal that was currently in-side of his mouth.
"So what's going on with Kels? You made up with her yet or what?", he said as he swallowed his cereal. I froze, just stood there motionless for a bit. It's not that I was worried of what to reply, it's jsut that it was a bit of a touchy subject.
"Uh- I'm not sure man, I'm not on top of all of that stuff yet.", I said. I wasn't gonna tell him that I loved her and everything, I knew he'd tell her just so she'd feel better, I wasn't going to blow my cover. I had to tell her when the time was right, not through my twin.
"Alright, see you later then.", He said and waved as I walked out of the kitchen, leaving the house.
I walked down the road, gulping a little of my water. I wasn't tired, just thirsty. My feet felt really good on the pavement, like when you get new sports shoes and when you run or walk in them you feel like you can do anything. The slightly warm air was hitting my skin, but it wasn't that warm. Hence the fact I brought a hoodie. Also, it was 10:30am, so I knew it wouldn't be warm outside, slightly chilly if anything. I walked past the familiar houses I passed almost everyday, and at the bottom of the road I could see the park. I walked quicker and made my way to the park, sitting under the huge tree in the right corner of it. It was more isolated or something, I guess. I sat down under it, not facing the park, just facing the rest of the bushes and trees surrounding it, so no one in the park could even see me in here.
I sat there for about ten minutes just thinking things through, when I heard the crunches of leaves and twigs from the other side of the tree. I heard someone sit down, and let out a sigh. I could even hear the person begin to cry. I doubt it was a guy, so that means there was a girl on the other side of this huge tree, crying. Let me tell you, this tree was very big, so she couldn't even tell that I was there. I turned my head around a little, to see nothing because my head couldn't reach around the where she was sitting. I got on my knees and hands, like the shape of a dog and leant forward, poking my head around to get a slight view of who it was. She couldn't see me but I could see her. Her knees were wrapped up to her chest and her head was buried in her knees. All I could hear was her small cries and whimpers. Her brown hair cascaded over her arms and shoulders, but I couldn't see her face. She wore a long sleeved grey hoodie, with a pair of skinny black jeans and some a pair of black distressed combat boots.
The girl poked her head up a little, so I moved my head back so she couldn't catch me. I sat there in my space behind the tree, breathing small breaths so she couldn't hear me. I heard her sigh, so I poked my head back around. Thankfully she didn't see me, but I saw her. I saw who she was. My mouth lay wide agape, as I watched the girl of my dreams cry, by herself. Kelsey. I didn't realise she was suffering like this, but she couldn't know I was here, so I had to watch her suffer right now. I couldn't get up and leave because then she would know I was here, so I had to wait until she would.
It was weird though, the girl I love with all my heart is on one side of this tree, feeling completely alone and upset, and Im on the other side, feeling hurt and distraught that I have to listen to her crying. I wish I could comfort her, but i can't, it's too soon. Too soon, is what i told myself. Like an excuse I guess. I poked my head around again, she was wiping her eyes. She began to press herself up from the ground and stood, wiping any dirt from her hoodie and jeans. She continued wiping away her tears and walked away. I let out a sigh. I watched her walk away after being in so much pain. Hopefully I can ask her what she was crying about whenever I can fix things with her.
I'll catch her before she can fly away again, before she can spread her wings and fly to another place away from me, and never come back. I'll get her back before I can forcefully swat her away again, before she can get hurt by my 'hurtful hands' again. Before she can get sick of being hurt and pushed away. But this time I won't push her away. This time, she won't get hurt again. This time, she won't feel like she needs to leave again. This time, It will be different.
I love that girl too much to let her go again and get hurt. Kelsey, you'll be mine again one day, and I promise to keep you safe in my arms. I promise to keep you here with me, where you can't fly away, where you won't need to fly away. I'll keep you with me, safe, away from hurt and sorrow. Kelsey, I promise you, you'll feel loved again.
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ok here it is! LUKES POV!!! IF YOU GET 6K I'LL UPDATE OKAY?:)
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lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks
Fanfiction"one girl. one diary. two boys."
