lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks

Chapter Thirty

*Kelseys POV*

"Tell 'em that its my birthday

Tell 'em that its my birthday

Tell 'em that its my birthday

When I party like that"

I woke up to the sound of my alarm to this, 'special day'. My 18th birthday. Woo. I never really took much interest into birthdays. Of course, as a child I loved birthdays. I loved the unwrapping of the gifts in the morning, waking up at the crack of dawn with pure excitement. And then of course the amazing, magical birthday parties with the bouncy castles and cake. But as I grew older, I grew out of my 'ever so exciting' traditions. I woke up an hour later than usual. I didn't care about the gifts. And I never bothered with those amazing parties anymore. The last time I had a party was on my 16th, when my mom forced me to throw one, as she wouldn't let me pass up the opportunity. Truth is, I was never really that fussed with parties and birthdays every since I began my teenage years. It all just seemed like a waste of time to me, honestly. I mean, I've just grown a year older? Everyone does, every year. But I just don't get why everyone makes such a fuss out of birthdays, I mean, we grow older every day really, and no one makes a fuss about it, but when we hit that yearly milestone, parties and gifts are thrown at you? I just don't get it. And yeah sure some people would call me ungrateful because I get gifts I couldn't care less about, but really I'm not. I'm grateful whenever my parents and friends but me gifts on my birthdays because I know the thought they put into them, I just wish they didn't bother because I don't need gifts. In my opinion, a gift shouldn't be given to show how much you care for someone, it's just a little stupid because if you really care or love someone you should show them through actions and words, not items. Excluding wedding rings and promise rings and necklaces, because they do actually mean something.

I sighed, climbing out of my bed. I was in my pajammas and it was only 11am so I decided not to get a shower just yet. I honestly wasn't prepared for the birthday wishes and gifts today. Or the constant nagging to have a party. I scratched my neck and proceeded to walk from my room. I walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I was sort of hungry you could say. My stomach had grumbled quite loudly, so I guess that confirmed it. As I entered the kitchen the smell of freshly cooked pancakes entered my nose. Sitting infront of my on the table was a pile of around 8 pancakes with chocolate sauce spread all over them like in the restaurants. It also had a dollop of whipped cream on top with a little cherry to top it off. It was surrounded by little pieces of chocolate spelling out "Happy Birthday". My family were always the type to go a little overboard with birthdays I guess you could say. As I was an only child, my parents spoilt me a little with these occasions. Even after myself countlessly telling them I didn't care about birthdays, and I was flattered by the gifts and effort put in but I didn't need it, they always refused and went on with their birthday surprises to try and win me over but it never really worked. They put in so much effort for my birthdays, and I couldn't say I wasn't happy with it because I really was. It was very flattering actually. I just wish they wouldn't put in so much effort and time into it all because it won't change my mind about the occasion anyway, I wish they did something for themselves instead. I sighed, sitting down at the table. I picked up a note that was beside the plate of perfectly cooked pancakes. It read;

'Hi sweetie!

Happy 18th darling, hope you like your birthday breakfast! Your presents are in the living room, make sure to put the wrappings in the bin once you've finished unwrapping your presents! Sorry we couldn't be here this morning for your birthday, your father and I are at work and we didn't want to wake you this morning! The house is yours until tomorrow so you can have a party or whatever you like! Love you lots! Mum and Dad xxxx'

So I'm alone on my birthday until tomorrow? At least that's two less birthday wishes I guess. I never was a fan of being told happy birthday, it made me feel too much like the center of attention, which obviously I would be because it was my birthday, but I never seemed to like that type of attention. I wasn't used to the attention. I usually just stood in the background, as if i didn't exist. Call me crazy, but I preferred  it that way, I liked standing in the background, where no one took notice of me. It gave me alone time, time to think over every detail of my life. No one was exactly eager to talk to me anyway, I was just an average girl that no one really noticed, not that I minded anyway. But I have to admit, sometimes it does get sad and lonely being ignored all the time, but I brought the loneliness upon myself. I completely isolated myself from people to think my life through and now, people just don't put in the effort. I don't blame them though, I'm nothing special. But sometimes I do with people would notice me, want to spend time with me. Maybe even just text me first, you know? Every now and then I get sick of having to text someone first and feel like I'm bothering them, or never being someone's first choice. The only time I've actually felt like I was put first is when I met Luke and Beau, I'm not gonna lie. They made me feel like I was beautiful, worth something, something no one else was able to do no matter how hard they tried. I ran my fingers over my dry, and slightly chapped lips, remembering the feeling of each kiss they each gave me. They were the only people who had ever put in an effort with me, and its weird, I feel like I would only want to be put first with them. I don't really care if Kylie or Pandora didn't put in the effort to see me or make me their main priority, I really didn't, honestly, that would get quite annoying. But I only seem to be comfortable with being Beau and Luke's first choice. Well..was Luke's first choice. I'm sure that girl, what's her name..Melissa is it? I don't know, well you know who I mean,I bet she's his first choice now, I wish she wasn't. It hurt a lot to think that he had moved on, but I knew he hadn't, but maybe she still was his first choice anyway. I didn't think to much on it, or at least I tried not to. My thoughts about not being his number one anymore kept dragging back into my mind. I was used to it afterall, not being the one you care about most, it shouldn't hurt that he didn't see me as the one he loved or cared for most, but it did. I tried to distract myself from those thoughts and started to think about what I would do later to celebrate my birthday, everyone probably forgot anyway.