Therapy is up - add to your library's!!
((A/N - The chapter is much better if you listen to 'Breathe Me' by Sia whilst reading it, adds to the effect I guess. Brace yourselves, this is an emotional one.))
*Kelsey's POV*
((HOURS EARLIER.))
I took the past few days off school, I wasn't ready to face people anymore. I had it all planned out, and I didn't want the last faces I would see be the faces of people in my school who treated me like I was dirt. I spent today looking through my most prized possessions, scrapbooks, and memorable photographs that I know I would want to remember, I wasn't going to be here for long. I just wanted to remember these things that were so important to me, so I could keep my memories with me before I depart from this city, this country, everything.
I found out a lot about myself today. Things I either had no clue about, or noticed but never bothered to really look into. I'm not sure what got the best of me, either the fact that everything was going to end for me so soon or that loneliness had taken over me to the point where these things about me that I never knew about before seemed so clear. But either way, it was still ending.
Number 1 - I have too many things that mean nothing to me. Example, clothes. My parents spoil me with all of these clothes that I don't think will ever mean anything to me because I don't feel beautiful in them. I probably sound like a snobby ungrateful teenage girl right now but I'm not, being spoilt isn't actually the best. You're constantly being showered with things you don't need. Don't get me wrong, it has it's perks like the newest phones etc, but I would much rather have things that actually mean something to me, things I'll remember when I'm old and grey, and I can look back on those things and feel something. Something deep down and remember those moments.
Number 2 - I really have no one anymore. It's just weird and quite sad how I went from being surrounded by all of these friends, and everyone around me who actually cared enough for me to see how I was quite a lot, and would keep up with me, to having no one anymore. It's actually extremely weird how quick it can all happen. Who ever thought that I would go from having so many friends to none within a second? And yes, I mean a second. The second Luke stepped through those doors of the diner, thats when I lost everyone. Sure, Jai still cares, but does he really? He doesn't really care, he just doesn't want me to hurt myself, too late huh?
Number 3 - I'm pretty stupid. I remember when in Miami, I would have straight A grades, and sometimes the odd B, and even that would upset me purely because I knew I was capable of A's. But today as I was looking through my drawers full of memorable items of mine, I found my old report cards (with my grades of course), and my one's that I recieved recently. One from around a month after I arrived in Melbourne, another three months on from the last report card, and one I recieved 2 weeks ago. The first report card I recieved from Penola was full of A's, well, nearly. It was ten A's, and three B's. Not as good as my usual, but I remember not being upset about the B's because honestly I think I was too distracted by my new friends and Luke. The second report card, it was seven A's and six B's. No where near my usual, obviously, this was when I was still recovering from my patchy relationship with Luke, and my new one with Beau. The third one, (two weeks ago), was shocking. I took one look from my latest report card in Miami, the last one I had recieved, it was full of A's, not one B. My latest from Penola however, had no A's at all. It had eleven C's, and two B's. That's how much this has all affected me. Even my grades are falling.
Number 4 - I pretty much have nothing to live for anymore. Honestly. Most people say this and cant possibly mean it, right? We all know one person who has said it once or twice, right? Well I mean it. Really, what do I have anymore to live for? I have no friends etc, I've explained this one too many times. You get the point. I just don't know anymore, it's completely taken over my life, that's why I have to leave.
