lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks

Chapter Thirty Three

Luke's POV

I woke up in my bed with a slight headache, but not too bad. Of course, when you associate a 'slight head ache' with a previous night's party, you automatically think hangover, but no. I did not have a hangover at all, I simply had a headache due to too much loud music and being crushed into crowds of people. I like my personal space you see. It was 1pm so I guess I slept in, but didn't I have a right to? After all, I was at a party. 

Just when I left the party to go home, of course I had to take Madison home too. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl and yes of course I feel bad for using her like this for jealousy, but hey, she is a little annoying, she's a little clingy. I can't blame her though, of course she'd be clingy, she actually admitted to me that I was her first boyfriend. I felt awful for using her and taking her first kiss and first date from her simply for the use of jealousy, not for love. Clingy. Yes, back to clingy, of course she'd be clingy because lets be serious, she's never had a boyfriend before so how is she going to know how far to go or how spaced out to be? I guess this was a little bad because I may have been spacing myself from her too much, and maybe she might do that in her next relationship, her next real relationship. I hope she doesn't, I hope she knows how to keep him there in her arms, and I hope he can accept her just the way she is, not using her like I am. 

I reached beside me and grabbed my phone, checking the time. 13:08. I quickly looked and remembered it's the day after Kelsey's birthday, I had something planned for today. She probably noticed I didn't hand her a gift yesterday for her birthday but that is simply because I wanted to do something special that she would notice. What's the point in getting her something amazing if she will barely be able to notice or appreciate the thought put into it if she is being bombarded with other people's gifts and birthday wishes? Yes, I had a plan. To give her this gift today, but not face to face. I'm going to get Beau to take her out for birthday lunch today whilst I sneak into her house and leave her present on her bed. I got her photo album of some of our pictures together on dates etc, and group photos of the boys and herself together. I even dug out some pictures of her as a baby and some with family relations. I put in a lot of effort, I even decorated it myself with her favourite quotes, symbols and lyrics. Also, seeing as I am quite good at drawing, I drew a picture of us together in the lake house I found on the other side of Melbourne. I used the photo that we took together using my tripod, it was of us sitting on the wooden floor with our legs crossed, sitting opposite each other. Our noses were touching and we were smiled at eachother whilst we pecked each other's lips. I was a truly beautiful photo, I wish I had those days back. Anyway, I drew this photo and I have to say, it turned out really good. I even shaded in the colours of our clothes and our surroundings to give it that extra vibe. I remeber what she wore that day, even if I didn't have a photo to remind me. She wore a pair of black tight fitted leggings, and an over sized, cream woolen sweater, that had a red heart in the middle with the words typed in black, 'i dare you to love me'. She wore her hair down and let her natural waves in her dark hair flow out like they should. She didn't even bother to put make up on, and honestly, that was the most beautiful I've ever seen her. She truly was a sight to look at, in an amazing way. Other than the drawn photo and photo album, I also got her one red rose and a green stem from a tree with small little leaves growing out of them. I know she would appreciate the rose as a sign of love, but she would appreciate the leaves as a sign of beauty. She's always been special like that, she finds simple things absoloutely breath taking, like how I find her. I also wrote her a note, which read. 

Dear Kelsey,

Happy birthday, you couldn't think I possibly forgot? I know you noticed that I didn't send you a birthday text, because I'd much rather wish you a happy birthday like this, rather than a messgae only viewed through the screen of a phone. Text messages mean nothing, sorry's and I love you's through texts are worth nothing. That's why I'd much rather tell you like this. Firstly I'd like you to look at the photo of us in the lake house that I drew myself. Remember that day? Because I do. You know why I rememeber that day, and treasure it so well within my heart? Because that was the day we were truly in love. No money, no technology, no make up (in your case), no one else but us. That was the one day we spent together just soaking up how much we really meant to each other, as we just stayed together all day. That was also the day we promised we'd never hurt each other. That was a promise we both broke. I broke it to you first, but you broke it to me second. I'm not going to lie to you Kelsey..it hurts me to see you with Beau, because I know you love him, when really..I used to be the one you loved. It hurts knowing I'm not your plus one anymore, or that I can't hold you and kiss you when I want to..or that I can't cheer you up when you're sad..that's Beau's job now. I used to be the one to do all of those things, and it hurts to see you let someone else do those same things to you aswell. I would be completely and utterly crazy if I told you I wasn't still in love with you, because if I told you I wasn't, you and I both know that would be a big fat lie. Kelsey, I'm still hopelessly in love with you. Madison? She means nothing to me, I just wanted to break you down and find out if you still loved me too. Not that I didn't already know that you did still love me, because I can still see how we look at each other with lust in our eyes, and how whenever we touch we still get those sparks we did before I messed it all up. So basically what I'm trying to say here is I'm sorry for messing everything up, if I could take it back I would, but I'm no superman, I can't turn back time and change it all, I'm just a loser you fell in love with. I guess I'm trying to say I'm still completely in love with you and that'll never change. Even if you hurt me to an unforgiveable amount, I would still welcome you with open arms because that's how much I love you, but I know you love Beau now too..and you think we'll never work again because I fucked it up and because you still love Beau..but the truth is I'm sorry Kelsey, I'm really sorry about all of this. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I broke you're heart, I'm sorry you fell in love with me, but mostly..I'm sorry I can't be you're prince charming. I'm sorry.