THESE ARE THE LETTERS KELSEY WROTE.
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Also, CHECK OUT MY NEXT LUKE BROOKS FANFICTION 'Therapy':)
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Dear Mom and Dad,
I know I was never the perfect daughter, and you know you were never the perfect parents. This wasn't your fault, but hell, I was lonely. I don't know why you left me for so long, probably to make me get the point that I was never wanted. You probably won't be phased by my death at all, hell, you probably wouldn't turn up to the funeral if you weren't obliged to be there. Whatever. I just want you both to know that before I grew up, and before you both changed, you really were good parents. I had a good childhood, it was amazing actually. I had the perfect mom and dad, and they loved me. But then they turned into monsters that happened to be you. I hope my death opens up your eyes, and makes you want to be the parents I had as a kid again. Please mom and dad, I honestly beg of you to change again, for the good. Do something useful, please don't grieve over me if you do change back. Please.
Thank you for the years that were good together, when we were a real family, no flaws. Thanks for all of the barbies you got me as a kid, and the doll houses, my princess dress up sets and even my plastic cookery set that now looking back, meant so much to me but was worth so little. Thanks for really caring when I was a child, my childhood was great. However, I also thank you for the recent events too, for not caring as much. It taught me how to deal with emotional and physical pain by myself, and independance skills, which I clearly do not have. So really you made me realise that I couldn't handle the world as it is, and if I hadn't realised this now I'm sure I wouldn't survive when I'm older, facing the world alone, really alone.
Your daughter..Kelsey.
P.S: I love you both so much, but as the parents before, not the parents now.
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Dear Holly,
I'm pretty speechless right now. I know you didn't expect this at all because I was always so bright and bubbly, never sad I guess. And you didn't know how I felt. I'm sorry Holly. I want you to know you were always MY bestfriend, no one was put before you in that place. I never ever want you to blame yourself for this, it was nothing you did to influence any of this. And again, please don't blame yourself for not knowing. How were you to know? It's my fault for never telling you.
You really are the best friend anyone could ask for. You actually related to me, and tried to help me up, something no one else ever did. Your strange personality mixed with mine was the perfect match. We were always best friends. Even in primary school, everyone knew us as the best friends. Our bond was envied. I know this news will probably hurt you a lot, and leave you empty for a while, but you have to understand this had to happen. Nothing you could do would've helped, so please don't blame yourself at all by saying "I could've helped", because the truth was, no one could help. I was too badly bruised.
I love you so much Holly, thank you for being there for me whenever I needed it. Thank you for being the best friend literally possible, I don't think anyone could ever replace you ever. But it's just my time to go now. Please don't do anything stupid without me. I promise I'll be watching over you. You're gonna have to guide yourself from here on out, do things for you. I may not be down there with you, but I'm in your heart, looking down on you, Im always there. Please don't hurt yourself because of this, I promise you this was for the best. I couldn't survive in this earth any longer.
I'm sorry.
Don't blame yourself, I love you baby doll.
Your best friend, Kelsey.
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Dear Kylie, Pandora and Veronica.
I know you all hate me. But I don't care anymore. The damage was already done. Once you all left me, and I was lonely and hurting, I realised who my real friends were, and you weren't them. Maybe I'm glad this all happened. Maybe this was all a wake up call so I could realise who I really needed and who I didn't. But I have another thing to say to each of you. Thank you. Thank you for leaving me alone when I was hurt, you helped me realise that I deserved this. This was my punishment for being a shit girlfriend. Thanks.
This all gave me a huge wake up call to be honest. It reminded me that maybe moving here was a huge mistake. It reminded me that friends aren't always who they say they are.
You weren't the friends I knew, maybe you were, you're obviously very good at acting.
Thank you for helping me remember who was really there for me, because during all of this I realised none of you were, and now, it doesn't surprise me. You are all partly to blame for this mess, but I don't wish for you to get depressed or hurt yourselves because you helped me do this. It's for the best. Thanks for being my friends while it lasted, yeah.
Kelsey.
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Dear James and Daniel.
Thank you guys so much for helping me through everything before my major mess up. You guys were the closest things I had to brothers. I know you guys hate me now, and I don't blame you because I'm a freaking screw up, but I still love you guys so much, and I don't want you to forget that.
James, take care of your future wife and family, I'm sure you'll make a great dad. Please don't forget about me. Because even though I won't be here anymore, I'm not going to forget about you ever.
Daniel, take care of yourself little guy. I'm sure when your older, you'll find a girl who you love and you'll get your happy ending. Take care of everyone around you, and same goes to James. Also, don't forget about me either, don't grieve for long, but just remember the good times, alright?
I love you boys so much, and you made my life good while it happened. Thanks guys, I love you. And don't blame yourself for this, you guys had as much impact as everyone around me did, no one in particular.
Your friend, Kelsey.
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Dear Jai,
Jai. God, I'm dreading writing this. Where to start. Well, Jai, you're my best friend. You were one of the two people left. You were the only one around me who still cared. The only one who stayed by my side, and you even tried to help me back on my feet but the weight on my shoulders was too strong, and I was too weak.
You were my friend when I had none, you were my everything when I had nothing. You were the only one who still wanted to be around me and still wanted to be my friend. You were the only one who wanted me to be around another day. I'm sorry Jai. Take care of Beau and Luke, and Gina. Be good to your future family, and kids. Be good to anyone hurting because I know you're good at helping people, like me.
Don't grieve too much. I don't want to see you hurting. Any time you feel lonely, look up to the sky and put your hand on your heart, because I'm there with you. I'm never leaving. So while you read this, apart from the shock etc. I want you to wipe your eyes from the tears filling in them right now, and smile. Smile for the happy moments that happened. Grieve for a few days sure, but once my funeral is over, and I'm buried six feet below, forget about the sad. Smile because thats what you do best.
Visit me sometime, will you? Thanks Jai, I mean it.
Love Kels x
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Dear Beau,
God this is harder than I thought it would be. Okay, 3, 2, 1, here goes.
Beau, when you read this letter I know you won't be happy. Maybe you'll feel a little relieved because you won't have my problems following you around, and I won't be a problem anymore, but you'll be upset, I know that. I'm sorry this happened but believe me it's not your fault. Before you believe what Luke said, and misread all of this like you already did I want you to hear me out and understand why I did what I did.
Luke and I were dating as you knew, and I was so happy with him, I really was. And then you told me you loved me, and I was confused with my feelings because I never thought of you that way when I was dating Luke. When you kissed me I knew I did like you. And a while after when you told me you hurt yourself, I felt awful about everything. I knew I caused it, and Beau I'm overly sorry for that, I wish I didn't cause so much shit for your life, I fucked it up, but before I continue, promise me that you won't hurt yourself ever again. Go outside when it's dark when the moon is up and that stars are perfectly lined across the sky, hold this letter in your hands close to your heart and look up to the sky, and promise me you'll never hurt yourself again, because you know, I'll be one of those stars up there watching you, taking care of you, I promise you that, so you need to promise me that.
After a while as you know Luke cheated on me at a party, and that broke my heart into twenty-four. I went home that night crying my eyes out, uncontrollably and ignoring Luke's calls and apologies. I was confused, I didn't know what to do, I just wanted revenge. I knew you would help me. So I called you, expecting just to sleep with you and make Luke jealous and he would be with me again, but that isn't what happened. I loved you after everything, I never expcted it to happen but it did. I didn't want to love you but I did, and it turned out great for the time it happened.
I'm not the girl for you Beau, you deserve more than me, and trust me you will. It's all going to work out for you, I promise you that. Grieve for as much as you want between the day you find out about this and the funeral, but then stop. Move on. It's hard but it'll work. I'm sorry it happened this way, but please just remember you'll find the girl of your dreams soon, I swear.
Love, Kelsey xxx
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Dear Luke,
I'm just going to start this off with, I love you. Luke honestly, I really do. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. You're the love of my life. I want no one else but you. I'm so happy to say that you were my last kiss. You were my first love and my last. That sounds overly cheesy, but it's true, there's no exception.
So much is running through my head right now. Remember when I was sick and you came over for two whole days just to comfort me? You even brought around six cans of chicken soup, chocolate and my favourite movie, 'A Walk To Remember' even though you hated that movie. Remember when we went to the park together and carved our name into the big tree that no one knew about? That was our tree. Ours. What about the times when I would come over to your house and just lay in bed with you and we would just stare at the ceiling and play with eah others hands while we talked about the silliest things like why clouds are white and not purple. I remember all of it, so many memories that I couldn't even fit on one hundred sheets of paper, back to front. I hope you remember it too.
You know, I don't want you to forget me, ever. I want the others to move on, and put me to the back of their minds and think of me once in a while, not too often, and smile that the thought. But you? I don't want to be a once in a while to you. I want to be an everyday thought. I don't want you to cry often, but I want you to think of me everyday. When your getting the groceries, maybe just one thought of me when you pick a bar of hersheys dark chocolate because it was always my favourite. Or when you walk Lala past the park and maybe your eye catches our tree, you'll look at it for a few seconds and smile, remembering everything. Or when you find a job opportunity or have to move into your own apartment and you're packing your things, and you find this note in the bottom of your drawer of hoodies or t-shirts, maybe you'll see it and shed a tear, read over it and pack it with you.
I hope you remember I love you, everyday. Even though I'm not here anymore, eveyr day I love you a little bit more. The worst part of all of this isn't missing everyone else, it's missing you. Not being able to see your eyes light up when something so simple can make you happpy, or not being able to hold you close anymore. You will love another girl, I'm sure of it. It'll be hard watching you love another girl, but promise me that you'll never have a love with another girl like we had. Please.
Beau? I thought I was inlove with him. I loved him as a friend, I did have small feelings for him though, but I tried to force them into loving him like I loved you but it wasn't the same. I loved you the whole time.
You're not on your own Luke. I'm here with you. I may not be here in person anymore, but I'm in your heart. This sounds so cheesy but it really is true. I'll always be with you, you just need to call my name. I'm here. I promise you.
Some people bring out the worst in you. Some people bring out the best in you. And then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them straight into hell just to get your fix. You were one of those rare, addicitive ones.
You brought out the most in everything I did. You were like my drug. I couldn't live without you no matter how hard I tried. Everytime you left, it all got bad again. When I tried to stay away from you, I was like a drug addict trying to stop whilst sitting in room surrounded by drugs, but was told I couldn't touch any.
I love you Luke, I'm not just saying that. I love you unconditionally. Forever. Okay? Please remember that for me Luke. Anytime you feel low just read those three words. I love you. Thank you so much for making the time we were together amazing. You truly are the love of my life. I love you.
Love Kelsey, forever and always.
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19K FOR UPDATE BECAUSE NEXT IS LAST CHAPTER
Hi:) I don't know I just thought you guys should see the letters before the last chapter. Yes. You heard. The next chapter is the last chapter. I'm sorry guys but I have good intentions for this chapter. I hope you guys liked this, I found it quite emotional writing Luke's letter. Oh well. Thank you so much for the reads and votes I've been getting for this book. I love you all SO much!
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lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks
Fanfiction"one girl. one diary. two boys."
