First of all I just want to thank everyone who read and voted for this story it means a lot.
This is the last chapter and I loved writing this book so much and I seriously feel upset that it's over. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks so much guys, I love you all.
There will be an authors note soon, it doesn't end just here;)
ADD 'Therapy' TO YOUR LIBRARIES, ITS MY NEXT LUKE BROOKS FANFICTION!!
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It was a sunny, Tuesday morning. The birds were flying above everyone in an orderly fashion. The beautiful park, now turned to a dull dark place. The podium was empty, no one had spoken yet. Not even a priest. The coffin lay still, just like her body. The black, bruised coffin was lying open infront of the podium. Her body was lying on a thick, soft, white blanket. She was surrounded by flowers and notes that people had left with her. She was wearing the same, white dress she was found in. Her make up was off, her natural beauty was shining through. Her feet still bare, and she wore a small necklace which was a heart locket. No one knew what the inside of the locket was, but it was something close to her heart.
Her body just lay there, completely still. It hadn't hit anyone yet, about her death. Not one person. No one expected it. No one wanted it to happen, not even her enemies. Her arm wounds were cleaned up but still very clear. The redness was spread up her arm, which lay weak beside her body. Her eyes had no bags, they were clear, as if she was happy. Her mouth was curled up into a soft smile, and her dimples showing, but only slightly. It was the first she was seen being happy in a long time. Unlike everyone else.
The comparison was ridiculous. Everyone around her was trying their best to stop the tears, their eyes barely going an hour without a tear hitting their cheeks, whilst she, she was happy. No one dared move her. Everyone was scared to touch her, no one wanted to be the last to touch her. They all wanted him to be the last one to ever touch her, alive anyway, and he was. They also all wanted him to be the last to touch her, dead, and he was too. No one touched her since his fingers traced on her cheek and arms. No one touched her since his lips kissed hers for the last time. No one dared. Not a single person.
He however, he couldn't bare to see her after that. He couldn't watch her lying there firm in her place. He couldn't watch her lie still and not react when he called her name. He couldn't watch her almost ignore him when he told her he loved her, not even open an eye.
Everyone had taken their seats, dressed in black. From her parents, to her bestfriend, to even people from her school who she'd barely said hi to, but they were even hurt deeply. The piano began to play a silent tune, a slow one. It had the beat to a song which she knew well. It was a sweet song, unlike the ceramony. Nothing could make this better.
Tears were already welling up in everyone's eyes. Her mother had tears streaming down her face, and her throat was choked. She was whimpering as quietly as she could but she was heard by everyone in the ceramony. Beside her mother, was her father. He sat in his seat, holding his wife's hand. Water was threatening to fall from his eyes, but he knew he had to be strong for his wailing wife.
The piano playing got softer and slower, almost barely audible. There was a coughing sound into the microphone at the podium, and a man in a long black and white gown standing behind the podium. He wore small round glasses which made his face look much smaller but his eyes huge. He had brown hair which was at most parts a grey shade. He looked around 50 years old. The man who was obviously the priest, held a small black book with a crucifix symbol on it. He set the book on the podium and opened it. He cleared his throat again before speaking.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Kelsey Armaro." he said. His voice was soft yet firm. It was quite rusty, but like one of those voices you could listen to all day and still appreciate it, but everyone was too upset to take it in. A loud wail came from the ceremony, again, Kelsey's mother.
The priest's eyes darted towards her mother. His expression softened as he saw her. He gave her a small smile and reassuring look but she couldn't bare to make eye contact with anyone but her daughter lying inside of the coffin.
The priest then went on to say some prayers which no one knew the words to, but some spoke along to as they read the words off of the mass sheet. His eyes followed the lines of the bible as he read the gospel, but he barely needed to look, he probably had said it so many times he knew it by now. Everyone was listening along to the priest's words, taking them all in. Even Kelsey's mother. Her cries were now quiet whimpers amongst everyone.
He took a wooden chain from his pocket, and began saying the rosery. An 'Our Father' and ten 'Hail Mary's'. The ceremony was full of voices speaking each and every word to each prayer, not another sound throughout it, excluding the soft piano playing. After everyone had finished the rosery, it was now time for the speeches from the family and friends. Her mother was definitely not in the right state to get up and speak, so they agreed she would speak near last.
Her father got up first. He stepped up to the podium, grasping a crumpled tissue in his right hand and a sheet of paper in the other. He was behind the microphone as he cleared his throat. His bloodshot eyes stood out among his tired face. He looked down at the sheet of paper he brought up to the podium.
"Kelsey was the best daughter you could ever have. That's what every dad would say, but I mean it. She was kind and caring, she would even stand up for her arch enemy if they were in trouble", he sniffled, "I wish I'd been with her more, I regret that the most. She was my little girl, my daughter. My little Kelsey, I got so obsessed with my work and life, I forgot about my little girl. I never got to tell her I loved her in the end, so Kelsey, if you're listening now, and looking over us all. I want you to know I love you.", he said as his looked towards her coffin, "love your daddy."
He wiped his eyes with the tissue and stepped down from the podium. His cheeks were littered with tear droplets. It hit him hard and everyone knew it. Next to speak was Holly, her best friend. Holly was wearing a black dress that went to knee length, and she had worked long and hard on her dark makeup, which now was half way down her cheeks. She also held a sheet of paper, but no tissues. She stepped up to the podium and began to speak.
"First I would just like to thank everyone for coming today, I know Kelsey would appreciate it-", her voice cracked while speaking her name, "Kelsey was my best friend. She was the girl I always depended on, and she always depended on me. I noticed something was up with her, but I didn't know she was harming herself like this."
"She was so amazing, she was always so nice to everyone and she's always going to be my best friend. She's not gone. I swear it she's not. SHE'S NOT GONE SHE CAN'T BE, SHE'S NOT", she screamed. Tears were running down her face as she screamed the words that she wasn't gone at the top of her lungs. She was having a breakdown. "SHE CAN'T BE GONE, SHE'S NOT, I KNOW SHE'S STILL HERE! SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND, SHE CAN'T BE GONE, PLEASE KELSEY COME BACK" she screamed as she ran from the podium to the coffin. She didn't touch her she just looked at her and cried.
"Please Kelsey say you're not gone", she said softer now. "Ring", she whispered. "The black ring, SHE NEEDS HER BLACK RING, SHE WORE THAT EVERY DAY SHE NEEDS IT SHE NEEDS IT", she screamed. She was crying and screaming, she was in hysterics. Holly's dad rose from his seat and ran to Holly and picked her up from her knees. He whispered something in her ear but she screamed no back to him. He grabbed her arm but not in a harsh way. He lifted her and took her back to her seat.
The whole ceramony was in shock, seeing Kelsey's best friend have a mental breakdown infront of everyone. It took a few minutes until all was calm again. Then Kelsey's mother rose from her seat. She was shaking but not as much as before. She stepped up to the podium and began to speak.
"How do parents go on when they lose a child? No mother or father should ever have to go through the death of a child. What do you call a mother who lost their kid? You know, when I'd see that stuff on the news I'd watch it for a few minutes then shut it off and think 'that's awful, how do they live with that? How do they wake up everyday? How do they breathe?' But you do wake up, and just for one second, you forget. And then you remember, and it's like getting that call being told that my daughter was dead again, and again every time. You don't get to stop waking up, you have to keep on being a parent even though you don't get to have a child anymore.", she spoke as she violently sobbed the whole way through. Her voice was in muffled pieces. "I should've known. Gifts and presents don't make up for the love she never got. I should've given her more hugs. Not presents. The last time I saw her was the day before her birthday before we left for a buisness trip. I could've given her a hug. That was the perfect time for a hug, but no, I gave her a stupid gift card for some clothes store and a pat on the back. I'm still wondering how I'm going to live every day without my child..I don't know, it's so hard going to sleep, knowing that when you wake up she's still not going to be there, and it's just another day having to live with it", she said. She couldn't say anymore, she'd broken into too many tears to say anything more. Her husband hugged her and took her down from the podium, and she sat in her seat and silently cried into her hands.
Next to speak, was Beau. He stood from his chair and walked to the podium. He didnt have the usual stride he always had, his steps were slow and slumped. His eyes were red and baggy. He stood before the microphone and began speaking.
"It's been five days since her death and this is the first time I've had the courage to look at the note she left for me. People are always asking me, 'how are you feeling?' and 'what are you feeling?'. I have no answers. I'm numb to it all. Honestly, what can you say about an eighteen year old who dies from suicide? Everyone wants to talk about how she died too. They want to talk about why she did it and who made her do it. I don't think it was an obvious person. Maybe it was the weight of life just tumbling down on her because no one bothered to ask her if she was okay..we all just assumed it. But the truth is we all need just someone to ask if we're okay to keep us sane, and no one ever asked her. One moment in her whole life, I care more about how she lived. And anyone who has a problem with that should remember that she was my girlfriend, best friend and I loved her. It's hard, but it's bringing us all closer together..and we all need each other right now."
"I'm going to spend my entire life missing her. As soon as she came to Melbourne, everyone was sort of okay about who they were, but herself. Being an outcast, geek, or a loser seemed okay for the first time. She was an amazing girl, and I was just one of those lucky people who got to witness it. I don't want any of you treating me with kid gloves, I don't know what to say either. I loved Kelsey, and she loved all of you guys here today even if she didn't show it. I know she did. If there's one thing I learnt from Kelsey dying is that shame is a wasted emotion. Do you really think that on your death-bed you're going to think 'Oh good, no one knew I was this or that'."
"She was such a good person. And I'll never get to tell her how much everyone cared about her and loved her. There's no lesson here..There's no happy ending. There's just nothing. Shes just gone. I used to love coming here, with my brothers and everyone. But now it just reminds me of what I've lost, what we've all lost. Of what we can't get back no matter how many prayers we say, or no matter how much we cry. Right now it's not a competition of who can cry the most or who can say the most prayers for her because no matter how much we grieve or pray it's not going to bring her back..nothing will. No one understands. If I start screaming, or shouting or crying, I don't think I'll ever stop. Nothing will be the same without her. I can't take it", he speaks as he sobs. Tears begin streaming down his flustered face.
"She's dead and there's nothing we can do about it. And all we've got left is her voice in our heads. Everyone should know who she was, years from now. She was amazing, and everyone here today knows it. What gets me, is the line between the two years on the stone. from 1995 - 2013. It's her whole life. Everything she did or wha happened is between that line. And she made the best thing possible out of that line. She was herself.", he said. His voice still shaking a little. The tears were still flowing but not that many now. He stepped down from the podium and walked to her coffin.
He looked at her, and smiled. Then he returned to his seat. He sat down, and the priest returned to the podium.
"Today we celebrated Kelsey's life, and we will remember this day for the rest of our lives. We will remember how great of a person Kelsey was.", he said and continued speaking about the funeral. After saying another prayer, he stopped. He stepped from the podium and gathered her parents, Holly, Beau and anyone else who was very close to her around the coffin. They all said their last words to her before each setting a hand on the coffin and shutting it closed. Tears were shed at this point. The coffin was then lifted and brought towards the tree outside of the ceremony. They buried her just beside the tree. The tree in the park which was her favourite place in the world, because she met someone who changed her life there.
Everyone left after the coffin was buried, even her parents, but Beau stayed.
He walked over to the fresh dirt that was laid in a rectangle shape, 6 feet above her coffin. He kneeled down on one knee and stared at the her grave stone. His lips curved into a smile. Not a smirk, but a smile. A sad smile, not a happy smile that he did so often. This smile wasn't bright, it wasn't his typical smile which told you he was genuienly happy. It was a smile that hid darkness behind it. Sadness. Like looking back on memories you know can't happen again. He thought of everything with her. The smile slowly faded and his lips formed a straight line again. His eyes became glossy. His mouth formed a small gape. He brought his hand to his mouth and shut his eyes closed. He kept his eyes shut and tightened them if even possible. His hand was covering his mouth and part of his nose, and was gripping onto his face. Small lines of water dripped down his cheeks from his shut eyes.
He was bawling. He moved from one knee, to kneel on both. He lowered his head onto the soil and cried. His position looked as if he was hailing his master, or when someone is almost begging for something. No one was around to hear his loud wails. He brought his head up and ran his hands through his hair, pulling on the ends. His eyes were rimmed red and wet.
"If I start screaming, or shouting or crying, I don't think I'll ever stop."
The words passed through his head once, but left quickly more tears formed and more memories flooded through his mind. Everything that happened was gone. Everyone gets a chance to make more memories or at least re-touch on the ones before, but he didn't. She was gone, nothing more. There was no more bringing her back. The machine didn't pick her pulse up that day, it was already gone. The image of the doctor looking up to Luke, making that fatal eye contact that spoke the words for themselves. "She's dead". The doctor didn't have to say it. That moment was replaying through his mind. He didn't save her, he couldn't save her.
The noise of Luke breaking, and dropping to the floor in tears was the only noise he could hear. He couldn't hear the faint sound of cars only more than 30 metres away. He couldn't hear the noise of birds chirping or trees swaying against the wind. It was all blocked out. The only thing he could hear was Luke. He eyes were stinging, his head hurt. But he couldn't stop. No matter how hard he tried, the tears kept forming. They wouldn't go away. More screaming, more shouting, more begging, it just wouldn't stop.
It was like a broken record. His mind just wouldn't let him stop repeating his actions. His mind wouldn't let him stop, it was as if he was a puppet and his mind was the master, forcing him to keep crying and screaming, and wouldn't let him calm down no matter what the costs. He hands began hitting the ground.
"GOD PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE HER BACK! BRING HER BACK!", He screamed at the top of his lungs as his voice cracked.
He didn't know what he did wrong, why would they take her away from him? What did she do wrong? Even though she did use him at the start, no one ever deserves to have their life taken from them. But she did it herself. God wasn't to blame, nor was she. It wasn't one person who did this, it was everything. From one word like 'slut' being said to the pen she wrote with breaking before she could finish the letter. The world just wasn't for her. She was meant to stay up there.
She was like an angel, literally. Most people are meant for the world, they enjoy it. They have their ups and downs but make it back up to the top, and do succeed in life. Others, are like angels that God sent down to make peace with some people. She made her peace, with Luke, her mother and father as a child, Beau, her friends. She did her deed, she made her peace. But angels, they're not meant for the world. They're meant for heaven, the weight of the world is too much, too different from the peaceful, lifeless other world. She couldn't deal with it, so she hurt herself until she could return. She hurt herself, and she did succeed, she finally go to return.
He wiped his eyes and his breathing slowed. He nipped his hand to stop himself from breaking again. He calmed down and opened his eyes. He licked his lips and steadied his breathing to a normal pace. He was okay again.
"I love you Kelsey", he said as he kissed his fingers and pressed them and the fresh stone above her buried coffin. He turned slightly just beside her grave stone, to focus his attention on something else.
"I love you bro, I miss you", he said and kissed his fingers again and pressed them against the second stone.
'Luke Anthony Mark Brooks 1995-2013'
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HI GUYS. yeah this one is very sad, and sadly, LOST IN CONFUSION IS FINISHED.
YOU ARE READING
lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks
Fanfiction"one girl. one diary. two boys."
