lost in confusion ↣ luke brooks/beau brooks

Chapter Thirty Six

Honeymoon Avenue by Ariana Grande is a really good song to listen to while you listen to this, it fits really well!

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Everything. Everything always seems to go wrong for me. I lay in my bed and think to myself, what a mess of a life I have. I remembered my words from last night, well, my words to myself. Move to Miami again. I doubt my family would deny it, they left me alone for what like a month now?Maybe if I was gone it would just be easier for everybody, including me. I could go back and make another fresh beginning. Be with my best friend again. Maybe I could even meet some new boys who I won't make an un-fixable mess with. Maybe this wasn't 'unfixable' though. I probably could fix it if I tried, but I don't think they'd want to try and make it fixed with me. I mean, in their eyes, I'm a slut. But maybe even if I went back to Miami, found an apartment, made myself a second fresh start, maybe I could even forget about the boys for good, leave them as a scar in the past, never to be touched again. But I knew I couldn't. I couldnt forget the boys so quickly.

I was only dreaming the wildest things I possibly could. I knew deep down that I couldn't pack my bags and leave it all behind. Like I would say, i can't run away from my problems which is what I would be doing. It doesn't work like that. I don't want to feel guilty like that. Those boys will probably have trust issues with girls for a long time because of me now, I couldn't just get up and leave and forget about that. I made too much of an impact on their lives to leave but most importantly, as much as I may be mad, stressed and confused about everyone in this town at the minute, they've all made too much of an impact on my life to get up and leave too.

You're all probably thinking, "Damn, what a wimp, she's completely overexaggerating". But I'm not. I have no friends anymore. The people who mean the most to me absoloutely hate me. Plus to top it off I have no family right now, not that they care about me anyway, and my best friend, the only one who cares, lives half way across the world. Over-exaggerating now? No. It's harder than it seems. I shrugged my thoughts off and got out of my bed. I quickly did my morning rituals and got ready for school after our holidays. I slipped on a pair of skinny jeans with a baggy sweater, and a pair of white converse. I brushed my hair and straightened it a little, not that anyone would pay attention to me other than the fact that they'd all be staring at me for something bad I did, so why would I try to impress anyone? I put on a little mascara and lipgloss and a little bit of powder. Well, I didn't exactly want to look awful, so I did put in a little effort. Not much though. I grabbed my schoolbag and swung it over my right shoulder. I ran down stairs, singing 'Honeymoon Avenue' by Ariana Grande, as I walked around my house. I decided to skip breakfast, I was hungry, but maybe if I was skinnier people would like me more. Maybe Luke and Beau would like me again if I was more appealing. I ran upstairs again and brushed my teeth before walking out the door and walking to school.

I reached school after walking in the intense heat of Melbourne. It's weird how this was all so perfect a few days ago. I had everything I could ever want. Now before I go babbling on about how messed up my life is I'll just stop now. I walked through the school gates, ignoring the constant eyes that burned into my skin. Take a picture if I'm that damn interesting. I kept my head down and stared at the ground, ignoring everyone the best that I could. I suddenly felt a sudden bump into a hard chest. I looked up to acknowledge who it was. 

"Sorry I didn't see you th-", I began but stopped mid sentance when I realised it was Luke. He shot me a glare and a disgusted look. He grunted after shouting at how I should watch where I'm going and then walking on, purposely banging into my shoulder, hurting it a little. My shoulder did hurt a little, like a sharp pressure but I knew I was just over-reacting. It hurt that he could be so cruel, but he probably thought the same of me. I shrugged it off and continued walking until I reached homeroom, where Kylie was lined up with Pandora, whispering to eachother and giggling as I walked past, as if they were mocking me.