To Kill Gods or Die Trying

Chapter 12-25 More to Go

July 13, 2301

I lay down in my bed. I almost actually forgot how soft and warm bed felt like, sleeping on hard, freezing cold ice in my blanket cocoon.

I miss my wife—a lot. I want to meet my twins. By now they are both 10 months old, give or take.

I have to admit. I was scared as hell—becoming a dad and all. I didn't mind the concept of having to quit some of my free time spent gaming to spend time with my kids. That would also mean not kicking ass with the squad and the only time I'd have to game would be for work, which didn't line up with all of our time zones, nor free time. None of that mattered; I wasn't about to let some nanny raise my kids either. Then again, I doubt my abilities as a father. The pregnancy wasn't an accident, but the bigger Allysson got, the less confident I was about being a dad.

Honestly though, I don't plan on gaming professionally after this. Not that I'm so traumatized, but the fact that overnight, this game went from every day having fun and making memories, to every day I face dying and never seeing those I care about again. It really screws with my mind.

Every move I make seals my fate, whether it's to live or die. Every time we fight, it's heads or tails. Let's say to live is heads. I've been getting all heads since this entire thing started, but what's to stop me from getting tails?

I don't know how the rest of the group feels about this and I'd rather not ask. Everyone is taking this situation differently.

In positive news, we're expected to have not 200-300 more Gem players, but 500 Gem players by the end of the month. 500! The 70 other Gem players are really helping the Obsidian-rank trainees with their quests. We'll have them replaying different raids so they can get a feel for the harsh fighting. Hopefully, they'll go without casualties. Then, when my raid group finishes this demigod campaign, we'll take a break and train vigorously before we go for the gods. All of us.

In more positive news, people are enjoying themselves. There's so much to do here. Especially the food. The cooks are insane. I've been doing a lot of stress eating. Even in this shitty situation, I'm relieved that we're still finding ways to have fun, instead of moping. Every time I go into a tavern, people are just laughing and telling stories. I go outside and people are playing sports and games. I go into town and people are engaging in conversations with the NPCs. No one is depressed anymore because as before the storm, there is calm after—life goes on.

I sigh.

What gave that cyber terrorist the motive to do this? We started with 100 thousand, then lost 40 thousand in one second due to cowardliness, then another sacrificial 10 thousand due to natural causes, and thousands of other casualties in-game when we officially launched our campaign to fight. What drives a person to indirectly murder innocents? Fame? Fear? Fun?

We fight for our lives, but who says we're even getting out? Nevertheless, there's no way I'll stop fighting. We still have 25 more to go...