To Kill Gods or Die Trying

Chapter 53-Scotty

August 17th, 2305

Our boat bobs up and down to the river's still stream. The soothing sound of the waterfall nearby replaces our silence as we lean against the sail boat's rails with fishing lines in hand.

We're out here preparing for the quinquennial Seafood Day in two weeks. Basically, everyone fishes for a few weeks and then everyone—and when I say everyone I mean everyone—who can hold a hot skillet grills fish: professional chefs, people with a knack for cooking, people who aren't really familiar with cooking, me—I mean everyone.

It's more about the fishing than it is about the eating.

"What's wrong with you Scotty?" Alo asks concerned. So I'm not the only one that thought that Scotty seemed troubled.

"Yeah, seriously. You're fishing with a frown. The fish can feel that," Pranav jokes.

Scotty hesitates. "Don't worry about me guys," he says blandly.

Must be nearing the end of his teenage phase. We went through it with Sess; the angst, the hormones, the confusion, the depression. Hell, we all went through it ourselves decades ago.

"Hey if you need anything, Scotty," Havanna says sweetly.

"I'm fine," he repeats more monotonous than the last.

We all exchange concerned looks before returning to waiting. It's nice just doing... nothing. Sometimes nothing is the best something. Just looking at the crystal clear water, all the little fish swimming around, hoping for them to catch our lines, just breathing. Breathing is really underrat-

"Do you guys ever feel like our lives are wasting away the longer we're in here?" Scotty asks.

What?

"Wh-Where is this coming from, Broski?" Sess asks.

"Yeah, what do you mean, Scotty?" Margot asks.

The kid sighs heavily. "I'm 20 today. But I still feel like I'm still 15. It's like every year that I'm here, I lose in the real world."

Birth-age 22 is the most crucial time for a person to make or break their future. It's easy to forget that this kid is still, well... a kid. All of us succeeded in that window a long time ago and had our lives set until this. Our only worry is now getting out.

"I was supposed to graduate high school and be in college by now," he sighs.

I don't know what to say to him.

"Scotty, what's really the problem?" Margot asks. Scotty ponders, his sad eyes still fixated on the still water.

"I just want a happy, normal life," he begins to cry. "I love this place, but I hate our world. I mean, you guys have everything—your families, you have each other—and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna survive."

"See," Cecelia begins, "that is the thing about life. Either you trust in the Lord, or you trust in yourself. Because at the end of the day, month, year, what have you—life... sucks. It is what you do that determines the outcome. And whether you trust in the Lord or yourself, either will be there to guide you if you truly believe in them."

"I don't know what to believe in anymore. All I ever wanted was to make my mark somewhere, but at what cost? My future? My life?" Scotty asks. "I can't fight and watch my life pass me by, even though deep down in my heart I know that I hate it there and love it more in here. Because the reality is that just like Cecelia said; so many people either believe in themselves or in a higher power. We see it every day. It's such a powerful synergy, that not even gods can stop. And while they think it's a curse to be in here, like it's one of life's adversities, I don't. This place saved my life. But of course, I have to be realistic. This isn't the real world. It's my real world. And whatever I do here, won't ever be as big as what I could do in the real world," he chuckles in disappointment," I mean, it's a goddamn video game. Like, are we really all the glorified badasses we've come to be? What we're doing has no real-world application. I know I feel like a badass, and I'm making a difference because you have to stand up for the weak. If we don't then who will? It just doesn't feel worth it. I can only enjoy this if we never got out of here, cause out there; there is nothing for me."

"You're... you're one of them," I gasp. I thought I had this kid figured out. I mean, he is one of us. Right?

Guilt takes over Scotty's face confirming my suspicion. "I never wanted to kill people!" he screams, sobbing. "I just wanted a place to call home!"