To Kill Gods or Die Trying

Epieulogy

Feb 8th, 2307

"We are gathered here today, not to mourn loss, but to celebrate achievement," I announce to about 45,000 survivors, their families, and the families of the 55,000 dead.

"We were trapped by force, but we enjoyed it by choice. We also sacrificed by choice. Every single one of us helped progression, whether it was a life-threatening choice to do so or not. We are gathered here to commemorate the selfless acts of the ones who sacrificed themselves so that all of us who escaped can be here today," I say. There's no real use in mentioning that the 40,000 who were initially killed, died cowards. Might as well throw them into the same pot as the 15,000 who died to save everyone. Including my friends.

"While we were in there, I got to meet some of your family members. Literally the most incredible people I've met in my life. It takes guts to go up against demons, dragons, giant golems, and 300 foot gods. It takes determination to be able to feed hundreds of customers day in and day out. It takes skill to create weapons, clothes, armor, books, and necessities and luxuries for safes lives or provide comfort. It takes focus to ignore the problem at hand and make sure that every person is having the time of their life. Most importantly, it takes love for a whole group of people of different races, ages, genders, religions, and cultures, to come together and achieve a goal. The giant tombstone inscribed with the names of the 55,000 dead and the graves of the MVPs behind me represents the extent that a human being was willing to lay down their life for someone they may or may not have even met, to make sure that I could one day meet my children, and damn right I would do the same for them!"

The crowd applauses for a few seconds and I continue on.

"You see that I don't have a paper or any notes," I say raising my hands above my head. "That's because I've done this so many times in-game. I learned so much about myself in there, and it's safe to say... this was maybe one of the best and insightful life-changing events that happened to me," I admit. Gasps come from the crowd.

"And I know what you're thinking now. The death of my loved one is the best for you? No. Let me tell you something extremely personal that happened in there. On our demigod campaign, our small raid group fought against an entity called the Elder Lich, and to keep the story short, the Elder Lich presented all of our demons, imperfections, and sins in front of us while making us feel every negative emotion at once. Literally taking a piece of our soul. It was as equally devastating as watching my friends murdered before me. And it took a while for us to recover. Demons kept in the back of our heads, secrets we would never tell our spouses, or," I dare not look at Allysse in shame, "demons that our spouses were victims of."

I let the crowd murmur it up and judge me. It's only natural.

"There, I learned self-forgiveness. Not only that, but personal goal setting. How to live, let live, and improve. Not just forget about it by saying I'm sorry. Another tale—we were sailing The Sea of Monsters. Things were getting bland. The fighting life was dull. We wondered, would this hell of fighting even end? It wasn't fun anymore, every time we risked dying. The adrenaline rush was gone and seeing how far we actually got made us realize how easily we could lose it all. In the middle of demigods, our fight with the giant sea monster, the Leviathan, resulted in us losing our food, so we had to make a stop before our fight with a literal Megalodon. We camped out in a random spot and took to the waters to find aquatic life to feast on. When I jumped into the water, and I saw the coral reef below, it sort of triggered me. It was like love at first sight. It was seriously a sight to behold, and I will never forget that moment because, for some reason, it became clear that the meaning of life was to give life meaning. We had a purpose there and here, and as humans, we need to enjoy every second of life. All life is precious but living versus surviving is an experience only the lucky get to participate in. I just want to let you all know that I'm grateful. Whatever you did in there, I'm grateful. The families here are grateful. We owe you and each other everything. Thank you," I say.

The crowd applauds as I step down from the podium to hug my wife and kids.

***

I walk up to each casket. I had each class's gemstone necklaces recreated.

Essej Boa. Samurai. Topaz.

Rachel Hope. Assassin. Ruby.

Alo Olorode. Paladin. Pearl.

Mack Plamer. Druid. Emerald.

Margot Lasonia. Sniper. Sapphire.

Havanna Whittaker. Wizard. Opal.

Pranav Verma. Sorcerer. Amethyst.

Cecelia Ringo. Priestess. Aquamarine.

Sess Jabin. Beast Whisperer. Peridot.

I place each necklace in each casket aside from all the flowers and tokens.

An Asian woman approaches Essej's grave. Her black hair with the tips dyed purple contrasts her white dress, making her stand out within a sea of black get-ups. Is she Essej's sister? Friend? Girlfriend? She glances at me. "You are Ben Even, I assume," she asks me.

"And you must be... Carrie?" I ask. I remember Essej cried out her name in the heart-wrenching fight with the Siren Queen.

She sighs. "I haven't lost him. Not yet."

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

She turns and locks eyes with a soft smile. "He's gone here," she says pointing to the earth, "but he'll never die in here," she says pointing to her head and her heart.

I nod. Her message sinks in as she walks away.

These were the real heroes of it all. They were my heroes. Life is not going to be the same again. I will cherish the memories we made until I die.

Rest well.

Tears roll down my eyes, but I am met with soft hands and arms that wrap around me from behind.

"You're gonna make it. We're all right here with you," Allysse coos, stroking my black suit. My kids hug my hands.

"We love you, daddy," they say.

"I love you all so much," I reply crying now. It hurts. It really does. I couldn't do anything but watch, which gives me more uselessness than guilt.

I won't rest easy until Kyle Farwanto is brought to justice. He's still out there, and I still seek retribution. However, I have to acknowledge that he turned me into the man I am now. A better man.

Like my Berzerker's gemstone, I started half a man, flawed, troubled, cowardly—ugly and black as coal, but with physical time, the heat of war, and mental pressure did I become a diamond, shining brightly and beautifully before my family.

I was not the same man seven years ago.

***

"Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age."

-James Joyce