To Kill Gods or Die Trying

Chapter 30-Under the Stars

November 8th, 2301

"Tomorrow is history guys," I state.

With Havanna's flight magic, we lie on top of the clouds and observe the full moon. Hundreds of thousands of stars glisten the indigo background of the night sky.

"Big big day broskis," Sess agrees.

"Did we even start planning for the gods?" Alo asks.

"Pshh. What gods? I thought we're done," Pranav scoffs. We chuckle.

"You guys better be ready to fight for a freaking long while. This is only year one," Essej says.

"Can't... freaking... wait," Rachel sighs sarcastically.

"It's not gonna be like this, though. We'll just be helping Obsidian- ranks get to Gem. Keep our battle skills fresh," Essej corrects.

"We've fought so much, I've gotten used to it," Mack sighs.

"Two more years of fighting. I might as well be a super sniper in the army when I get out," Margot jokes.

I chuckle. "Maybe Essej and Rachel can be Assassins," I add. "I can see it," Havanna agrees.

"I can see you being a street magician con artist," Essej refutes. We laugh.

"Say, Ben. How old are the kids now anyway?" Alo asks.

I count my fingers. "14 months," I reply with a smirk. "You think they'll know who I am in approximately four or five years?" I ask.

"You're their father," Cecelia assures.

"That's my biggest fear, though: waking up to the real world and my kids asking who are you and giving me the cold shoulder for the rest of my life," I admit.

"The paternal bond between the son and daughter is strong. Sons need their dads for a role model. Daughters need their dads for assurance. And surely Allysse will maintain the family," Cecelia adds.

"I just don't need to break her heart by dying. I know you guys got family too. We gotta make it out together," I say. "People are definitely gonna die in the future. We can't stop that. We just have to adapt and survive."

"Well... when or if we get out of this, I'm killing the bastard who did this to us," Pranav says coldly.

"Like, we've lost so many people and we're going to only lose more," Rachel adds.

"Forget a lawsuit. They'll take a scythe to the heart," Pranav says. "I'll be frank, I'd like to see the Gamemaster dead—whoever they may be. I know it's not the way of God, but they've killed so many. I ask myself, do these people really deserve to live? Revenge isn't going to solve anything," Cece claims.

"Death is too easy," Havanna says. "Let them rot in the international prison."

"They will burn in the hellfire for all of eternity, repenting to deaf ears," Cecelia adds.

"How do you forgive this?" Mack snaps.

"No one said it would be easy," Cecelia explains, "however, if you don't let it go and move on-"

"It'll eat you up from the inside," I finish. Out of everyone here, I would know the best.

"Well like you said bro: driving my fist through the faces of the dudes that did this, wouldn't change anything, but it would feel great," Sess says.

"Or a .50 cal sniper bullet," Margot adds. We sigh in unison.

"It would suck to, like, die here," Rachel says.

"Don't think about it too much. Just fight," Essej advises.

"We've escaped death so many times. I think Alo is literally invincible. He gets killed and just comes back," I say humorously.

Alo chuckles. "First time was with the Ice Bear. Back in the start of our campaign. Just shows our progress. One after another. Win. Win. Win. Even if we die, others will take our place. We're not just fighting for ourselves."

"I could die happy to be honest," Mack says. "I can see why people would want to stay—the Blackhearts."

"I've already thought about it," I admit. "I just hope there aren't more lurking in the crowd."

"That's why we have police now," Essej says.

"How many spies do you think are here?" Havanna asks. "Spies?" Sess asks skeptically.

"Spies. Jackasses working with the Gamemaster," she elaborates. "Hmmm... never really thought about that," I admit.

"It could be one of us, you never know," Pranav jokes.

"Get real. She could be onto something. Spies could watch our every move and report it to their boss. He already hacked the game, so maybe they would reprogram bosses to our disadvantage. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but with that possibility, the odds are stacked against us," Margot says.

"No, you could be right," Essej assures.

"The grim reality is that no one wants to consider is that maybe they'll never let us out," Margot says.

There is dead silence.

"We'll just have to play their little game, and find out," I say sternly. There is another silence.

"When did this stop being a game?" Cecelia asks. "I am more scared to return to the real world than die in here."

"We all fit in so well here. We're leaders and saviors and a bunch of badasses. What are we when we lose all of this?" Rachel asks.

"Alive?" Pranav says with a smirk. We laugh. "Honestly, I don't know how I'm gonna move on after this is over. It's like... right now... this moment... this is our life. This is reality. It looks real. Sounds real. Feels real. It smells real. Damn right it tastes real, the food here is awesome."

I grin. Pranav continues. "But on a serious note, I have no idea how I'm gonna readjust to the real world again. Fighting is routine. We carry that burden for everyone else. It's like trying to forget about your past without trying to let it consume you in the future."

My grin fades. It's like what he's saying is the story of my life. After the Lich, I forgave myself and moved on, but how do I move on from all of this? This is a part of me. This is something I'm going to have to live with. And I don't want it to be another demon. Maybe that's why I want to buy a gemstone. I want to remind myself of this, every day, and I don't want to forget, because one way or another, I've matured as a human being by realizing the worth of life, and I would have never realized so if they had never closed the doors to my freedom.