To Kill Gods or Die Trying

Chapter 25-Festival

October 2nd, 2301

I open my eyes as rays of sunlight pass through the blinds, and yawn groggily. I take the cover off the bed, then stretch. Finally. A real break. What happened back there at the Deadlands really showed me something. It lifted a burden off my chest—released my demons. Liberated my soul. I'm not that person anymore and I don't strive to be.

I really understand that now. There's no use in hanging onto them. On my way out, I sling my diamond gemstone dog tag across my neck.

I'm met by applause by everyone waiting in the corridor. They saw what happened. Is this a pity party? I grin and shyly wave the Obsidian and Gem players on as I make my way to the lounge of the guild house.

Cecelia is slouched on a couch, reading a book. She greets me with a tender smile. "Good morning, Ben."

"Morning Cece," I sigh, crashing next to her. "Just got back from real sleep since we left Deadlands. For the first time since we got in this entire mess, it felt calm—safe, ya know?"

Cecelia's cheery aura fades.

"Did I say something?" I ask confused.

"Ben," she begins. "What you said back there. Before our fight with the Wraith demigod... Thank you." She wraps her arms around me, catching me completely off guard. What the heck? I've never seen Cecelia so emotional like this. I have no choice but to awkwardly hug her back and wonder what I said that made her this way until she lets go. "I have never told anyone this, Ben, but I have not always been a devout Christian. My past has been extremely violent and troubled, and the choices I have made—such poor choices. The things you do when you are poor, Ben, you do not understand how many people I have hurt and how many lives I destroyed in my past, not just for survival, but for fun. All whilst denying the existence of the Lord, yet somewhere in my soul, I knew he was there. He created me.

When I gave into my faith and left my chaotic life, I vowed to never resort to such vile means of living, but I could never forgive myself. Purgatory awaits me, Ben. My faith gives me a chance to make a difference for myself, and even though the Lord is merciful and forgives, I swore that I would never forgive myself, until you said to. Until you said to fight for everyone. Until you said to keep fighting and keep hoping. Until you said that the past doesn't represent the present and the things you can do and the people you can affect comes from the power of just believing in yourself. Since this all began, my place in this virtual world was clouded. I relied on the Lord and the ones I call my family to guide me, and I was afraid to let go of my past and act upon my own free-will because I was afraid that it would happen again, and I would end up abandoning my faith and the people I cared about. I thought that begging for mercy and punishing myself would stop me from repeating my mistakes—thus, I did for years.

It really came back to me in a visual representation when the Lich brought forward all my sins, killing me inside. It is safe to say that on that day, I lost hope of the cause, my faith, my family, because of my inability to be a decent human being on this blessed Earth was the reality of my nature, and my faith was just a way to forget. But now, now I feel closer to the Lord, you all—my family, and more than ever, myself. I know my place in the world as well as here and I shall forge my own path with the free-will the Lord has given me. I trust myself and others. I forgive myself. And I know that what only matters is the here and the now. The past cannot be undone. You are the most righteous man I know Ben. God bless you."

I don't know what to say. I didn't know that my words had such an impact on people. I only said it to get everyone up, plus, it was the truth. "You're welcome," I reply. "So you see anyone?" I quickly ask. I don't like being put on the spot like that.