A Summer in Paris: a Spoby story

Chapter 39

Spencer's POV:

*a week later*

I woke up about three days ago. I asked the girls where Toby was, they said he was still missing. I had hoped everything was just a terrible nightmare, but I guess not. All I've done for three whole days is cry and sleep and cry myself to sleep. They wanted to put me into the psychiatric ward, but the girls wouldn't let them. I got out today. Emily, Hanna, and Aria wanted to stay with me, but I told them to go. I mean they still have boyfriends and girlfriends that -A didn't kill. Toby is dead. Nobody believes me because nobody checked the ledge on the roof. I feel like crap. I can't help myself to walk over to the dresser and open Toby's drawer. I take out my favorite shirt of his and his flannel pajama pants. Put them on and curl up in the cold and empty bed. I breathe in Toby's scent from his clothes and break down sobbing, again. I can't help myself. It's like a part of me died. It's like my heart died and now I'm just an empty shell of a girl that I don't even recognize anymore. I flip through the channels on the tv, but find nothing. I turn the tv back off. It wouldn't have mattered anyways. I couldn't have seen it through my tear filled eyes. I lay thinking about Toby, his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his everything. I fall asleep and dream of him and the life we will never get to have together.

I wake up from my nap and look at the clock. It's 10:00 o'clock in the morning. I slept through the entire day and night. I look down and see that I'm wearing Toby's clothes and look to see him not next to me. I remember that he will never wear these clothes again and I will never wake up to him next to me again. I just want to curl up and go under the blankets and disappear. Then maybe the pain will stop. I wish I could see Toby one last time just to say that I love him. I would have taken his place if -A would have let me. Why couldn't -A have killed me instead? Because if -A killed me then this game of their's would be over. If I'm dead then -A has no one to torture. If I'm dead then -A loses. I get out of the bed and slip some flip flops on. I go out the door and up the stair to the roof. I walk to the spot where I found Toby's body and see that he's not there anymore. All I have to do is jump and then I can see Toby. I can be with Toby. I get up on the ledge. I take one last breath. I smell Toby's scent from his clothes one last time. "I love you Toby and I'm coming to see you right now." I say crying. I have one leg off of the ledge when I hear, "Spencer!"