Help our souls // bws

Live

Bradley's pov

"Move." I felt something moving next to me. "I can't get up, move." I groaned and slowly opened my eyes. Clary was looking at me, she looked quite annoyed, and for a good reason : I was still holding her in my arms, tightly. Even sleeping, I had strength. I chuckled.

"Don't then." I smiled at her.

"No, thanks." Now that I was awake she could get out of the bed without waking me up. She pushed me away and walked out of the room, without giving me a look. I lied back on the bed and sighed. Shit, looked like she was still mad at me. I eventually went downstairs and headed to the kitchen, because, knowing her enough now, I knew she was probably eating something. I was right. There was a bowl of cereals on the table, and she was crunching, cleaning the blood still there.

"How did it happen ?" She jumped and looked at me, confused. "The blood."

"Oh. I don't think you really want to know." She stood up, threw the sponge in the sink and washed her hands.

"I do." She opened a cupboard.

"I couldn't feel any emotion yesterday, so I thought if I cut myself I would. So I did it." She shrugged. Wow, she was really in the need of feelings. She took the packet of cereal, a bowl and a spoon, some milk and put them on the table, in front of me. "Here, sorry, that's all I have. I need to do the food shopping."

"It's fine." I put some cereals in the bowl, poured some milk and started eating. I stared at her. Her hair was a mess, she has bloodshot eyes, she honestly looked really tired. Although, somehow, she was still beautiful to me. "Did you sleep well ?" She nodded.

"Feels like it's the first time in ages."

"Nightmares ?" She nodded, again. "Why didn't you call me ?" She raised her brows.

"Really ? You're not even able to answer my texts so you really think I would call you, in the middle of the night ?" She laughed, but I knew it was a nervous laugh.

"I'm sorry, okay ? I fucked up, I should've texted you more, say more than just "I'm busy", but we really needed to finish these songs, we needed to give them as many songs as we can, it might have be our only chance, I didn't want to let it go." I knew I was wrong, I knew I had no excuses.

"Don't you think I know that already ?" She shook her head. "James found the time for Spencer. I'm not saying that's the same thing, but still, you have no excuses." Her voice cracked. She sounded sad. I made her sad and I was not proud of it, not at all.

"You're totally right. I'm a jerk. I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise. Can you forgive me ?" She shrugged.

"I needed you so much. I was so lonely. I dreamed of you every night since we last saw but you were never here. I just needed a word, a sign, something from you, but you didn't care. I've stopped waiting for you. And that's when I started to feel empty." I stood up and moved closer to her. I ran my hand through her hair.

"I am so sorry I haven't been here Clary. I shouldn't have left you. I know I made a big mistake. I'm here now and I'm not leaving." She let her head fall on my chest and placed her hands on my hips. Her shoulders were shaking.

"Please, don't do it again... I need you. Every part of me need you, even if it's hard to admit it, even if I'm angry at you for leaving me alone, I still need you. I feel safe when you're with me. You make me feel something. You're the one that makes me feel like living."

"Oh Clary..." I pulled her against me. "I'll never do it again." I felt her nod against me. I couldn't believe what she just said. I had felt never so important to someone, except for my family. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I wasn't use to this at all, for once it was me and not her. Since I knew her, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her, all the time. With her, I had this feeling I had never had before. I always wanted to make her smile, to make her laugh, to make her feel happy. I wanted her to feel great when she's with me, as great as I feel. She made me feel like someone special, like I could do great things. She brought out the best of me.