Help our souls // bws

Sweet escape

Hello everyone ! I'm coming back with a new chapter that I particularly like. I've loved writing it and I hope you'll like reading it ! Attention : there's a bit of a 'mature' content at one point, but it's very very soft (and there will never be more than this) but if you don't want to read it, don't. I hope the story isn't getting too 'dark', but I've always imagined the story that way : getting darker and darker for Clary. Put yourself in a very serious mood ;)x

D-Day. After spending a month waiting for it, thinking about how the return of The Vamps, my friends, would be like, after dreaming up every scenario possible, after all of this, I'd wished this day wouldn't come that fast, actually. This last week has been... hard. Harsh. I did not tell my parents about what was happening in my head, I remained terrified. To stand there in front of them, to watch them realize that they might lose another daughter, not physically but mentally, to catch their gaze and catch, just for a second, that pity look, it was just too hard, too much for me. I didn't want to ruin their life again. I was too weak, as I'd always been and as the voice didn't bother keeping it for itself.

Sometimes I caught myself having a conversation with it, which did not arrange things, not at all. It just meant that I went crazier, but I could accept it. It wasn't the case when I started to see her, me, again. She appeared to me three days ago, sitting on my desk's chair. I was petrified. She seemed to be my exact double at first, but when I observed her, I noticed some differences. Her skin tone was paler than mine, sometimes almost transparent. Her hair looked darker, too. When I took a gander at her eyes, they appeared to be black, so much that I couldn't distinguish the pupil. They also seemed bigger. Way bigger, bulging ; in one word, scary. Those black massive eyes stared at me for what felt forever. Her arms crossed on the back of the chair, her chin resting on her forearms, she never seemed to stop watching me. Her legs swung on the side of the chair. The constant smirk stuck on her face made her looked even more terrifying. She taunted me.

Result ? It was Saturday and Bradley, Connor, James and Tristan were coming back in approximately an hour, and I hadn't slept properly for three days. I got maybe seven or eight hours of sleep. At least it felt like it. I was exhausted. The black and blue bags under my eyes had never been so big, this insufficient sleep leaving its mark on me. I couldn't focused at school, spending my days there in a state between being awake and asleep. It was a torture. I tried to revise for my exams, but there was no chance I would pass. My demon was haunting me. When she left me alone for a bit, I was so terrified that she would come back that I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything without being paranoiac. Every time I closed my eyes, her bulging eyes and her smirk would appeared in the darkness, preventing me from keeping them close, which led to preventing me from sleeping. It was a vicious circle. Repeating to myself that my mind played with me didn't work. I knew nothing was real, but I couldn't help being afraid. I knew she couldn't hurt me, but what if I hurt myself ? I did in the past.

I sighed and got out of the shower. I dried my hair and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked terrible. A groan crossed the barriers of my mouth as I grabbed my concealer. I did my best to cover the bags under my eyes without putting too much. Second look in the mirror : they were still there, but it was a bit better. I applied a very small amount of blush to make me look less pale, less like a living dead. I decided to dress nicely for the boys, so I gathered my courage and put on black tights with butterflies on it, and a very simple black dress with long sleeves. My white baskets will do. I took my little bag and shoved my phone and my keys in it. I hurtled down the stairs and yelled at my parents that I was off to the train station. My dad's head appeared from behind the living room's door. "I know you haven't seen them in a while but are you sure you are alright ? Honey you look so tired lately."

"I'm fine dad, thank you. I'll call you if I need anything. Have a good day." I snaked out and headed to the train station. At the end of the road, I turned around and saw some black waves taking my house in hostage. "Hallucination, it is just an hallucination." I swallowed hard and kept on walking. This hallucination meant everything though. Home didn't feel safe anymore.