Help our souls // bws

It's (only) a goodbye

His footstep were banging so hard on the floor of the shop that it was trembling, making me jump for the five time in the past ten minutes. His brown eyes glared at me furiously, his eyebrows were frowned, I could see his jaw tense a bit more after each seconds, each nano seconds that were flying through space and time. He bit his lips that hard that I wouldn't be surprised if there was blood pouring from them in the next second. He angrily took the bag he dropped on the counter ten minutes ago and stormed out of the shop, failing his attempt to slam the door, for my greatest pleasure.

"Dammit !" I let go before running after him. He wasn't hard to find : he stopped two shop further to punch the wall. "Stop it ! Are you crazy ? You are going to break every bones of your hand !" I screamed and covered my head with my hands, trying to protect myself from the natural water that has been falling from the sky the whole day. He glared at me again.

"Why'd you care anyway ?" He laughed nervously.

"Stop acting like a child, I do care about you, now come back inside, please, for God's sake !" I wrapped my hand around his wrist and pulled on it the strongest way possible for my little body. He lost his balance for a moment and that was enough for me to get him back inside the shop, whether he wanted it or not. I let go of him and stood in front of the door, blocking the access to him. "Now could you please listen to me ? Instead of storming out of the room each time that I try to have a conversation with you ?" I said quietly. I knew everything was my fault, his state of mind, his sadness, his anger, the fact that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, everything, so I just couldn't be angry at him because he didn't want to listen to me.

"Why ? Just give me one good reason of why I should listen to you ? To hear that you will never love me back ? To hear that I was a fool to fall in love with someone who already has a boyfriend ? To hear you remind me of how stupid I've been thinking you could actually prefer me over him ? No thanks !"

"You weren't stupid, okay ? I was, I know I was the one who was mistaking, so stop saying this ! Yes, you might should've tried to not fall in love with me, but I shouldn't have given you false hopes and I'm aware of that, but it doesn't mean I wasn't feeling anything towards you ! Not at all, I'm feeling all kind of way to you and that why I was acting like this, I was feeling kind of safe with you, you were easing me, you're so simple and easy-going, and yeah, if I had met you first, I would've probably fallen in love with you but I can't change the past, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I let you go this far without realising that I just couldn't give you what you expected, trust me, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I wish I could fix everything. I just needed to tell you that. I understand that you don't want to see me, talk to me or even hear of me, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for being such a bad friend to you and a fool to me. I'd known your real feelings and I ignored them because I wanted to stay friends with you a little more. I still want to be friends with you, but I won't force you. Honestly, I'll give you all the time in the world to forget about me, I can dismiss from my job if you want me to, it's your place here, I won't stay if it hurts you. I do care about you, Zack, even if I cared the wrong way all this time." I caught my breath back before daring looking at him. I was so afraid of his reaction. Of course he'd probably shrug and stormed out of the shop again, wouldn't he ? His dark eyes met mines. They were shining because of the water threatening of pouring out from them. Oh no, please, don't cry. Not now, if he did, I would. He sighed.

"I'm so mad at myself because even if I have a broken heart, I still want you around. I still want to see you and talk to you. You're, with the music, one thing that doesn't make me feel like a failure. I'm mad at me for allowing myself to be dependant to something, someone I shouldn't be. Fuck. You've been a terrible friend as you say, yeah, and even knowing this, my heart still wants to be near you." He mumbled. "Why do you make me feel that way ? I hate this !" He suddenly shouted and it made me jump a little.