Help our souls // bws

Turn towards friends for happiness

I heard someone calling my name, it first sounded like miles away but as the time passed, it was louder, sounding now like someone shouting. I hardly opened my eyelids, I had to blink a few times before the disappearance of those black points. The first thing I noticed was that I was still outside of the house, at the same place I was before. The second was Bradley holding me in his arms, a terrified look on his face. "Clary ! Thanks lord, I thought something worse happened !" I grimaced in disgust. His breath smelt like alcohol and it made me want to throw up. I guessed it was normal, regarding the amount of shots and drinks he had tonight, but still, it wasn't very pleasant to wake up and breathe an alcohol scent. Also not very romantic.

"W-what hap-happened ?" I was still really confused. My throat was burning and I was in the urgent need of water.

"I don't know, you tell me !" I narrowed my eyebrows at his answer. I couldn't remember yet. "I was in the kitchen and I saw you outside when I looked through the window. You were talking to someone, no, not talking, more like shouting. Your face was... scary. Scary because you looked in so much pain. You were, like, nervously leaning your head on the side and you were squeezing your arms with your hands and..." He stopped talking for a bit, I felt his hands shaking under my body. I remembered. Her, me, the words she said to me, the pain I was in, even when she wasn't hurting me. I was in a state in trance, completely. The thought of me like that made me uncomfortable. I probably looked crazy, insane, and he saw it. Once again, he saw a part of me I wanted to keep for myself, to keep secret. I saw the fear in his eyes. I provoked it, he was scared of me. "I immediately made my way outside but when I arrived you fainted. I had the fright of a lifetime. I was so scared when I saw you fall on the ground." He hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry I w-worried you. For how long was I unconscious ?"

"Maybe like twenty seconds." My mouth formed a 'o'. I broke off our hug and tried to stand up. I lost my balance but he caught me. My head was still dizzy.

"I shouldn't have drunk. I really shouldn't have, at least not that much." I mumbled. What was going on in my head when I started to drink ?. I was not that stupid with things like that, usually.

"Sorry, we kind of forced you." I shook my head and smiled to him so he won't feel to guilty. I knew what I was doing, I knew it. "You should rest, come on, let's go upstairs." He held my waist strongly with one of his arm so I won't fall again. We hardly made our way through all these people and finally reached the stairs. The music was beating loud in my ears again, making my ears whistle. Upstairs, Bradley stopped in front of a close door and took a key James gave us earlier from his pocket. We locked every room, except the kitchen and the toilets. He turned the key into the hole and opened the door, groping around the turn on the light. I closed the door behind us and immediately the music was lower. I sighed out loud and sat on the bed. The room was quite small comparing to the rest of the house but I liked it. The walls were all white and there wasn't much in it, just the necessary. "Do you feel alright ?"

"Yeah, don't worry. It happened before, kind of. I fainted for a few seconds after doing a panic attack while running. It's nothing important." I smiled at him. I didn't want him to worry more. "I'm sorry I scared you. Can you maybe bring me some water ?" He nodded and disappeared in the bathroom linked to the room. He reappeared a few seconds later with a glass full of water. I drank it in one big swallow. "Thank you. Again, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine, as long as you're alright now. But, who were you talking to ? No one was there when I found you outside..." I scratched my arms nervously.

"I-I don't clearly re-remember..." I muttered. I just couldn't tell him I was probably talking to myself, right ? Except if I have a hidden twin my parents forgot to tell me about. He hummed as response and I wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. I shouldn't lie to him but I wasn't ready to speak to him about this, so I tried my best to show him he still meant the world to me, even if I didn't tell him everything. After a while, I moved away from him. "You can go join the others if you want, I think I'll just sleep for a while."