Help our souls // bws

Friends

I let out a big sight, Spencer always took so long to answer my call, anybody's call. "Yes ?"

"Spencer ? It's Clary."

"Hey, how are you ? What has happened yesterday ? You left without a word !" My heart flinched but I remembered my decision to not be affected too much.

"Nothing, that's nothing. I'm sorry I left you there alone, I acted like a child. You angry ?" I really felt bad for leaving like a thief, leaving her with the boys.

"No ! No I'm not, I was just worried, you sounded... devastated ? Maybe that's a big word but something like that... Do you want me to come around ?" I didn't want to see anyone at the moment to be honest. Except one person, but she was way too far from me.

"Sorry I worried you, but it's okay, I swear, you don't have to come. Did James brought you home as I asked ?" She stayed silent for a moment. "Spencer ?"

"Oh, yes, yes sorry. H-he did."

"You sound weird, did he do something or-"

"No ! Nothing." She cut me off. Something had definitely happened, and she hid it just like I hid this whole thing with Bradley. I did not insist though, to not upset her. She would tell me later, if she wanted.

"Okay, by the way, did you send a text to Ash ? She texted me last night."

"Yeah, I thought she could come..."

"You know she can't. I'm not going to complain to her, she has always come to my rescue when I needed her but now that she's gone, that's not as easy as it was. She can't come every time I'm feeling sad." I said, in a rudely way. I didn't mean to be rude, but Ash just couldn't pay a train ticket at the last minute, way too expensive, and I needed to learn how to handle things on my own. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I need to go, see you later." I said and hung up. I sent a text to James to apologize about yesterday and said that I loved to see them playing, that they were amazing. And they truly were. Bradley was voice is amazing, I hadn't heard much from the other but they definitely knew how to play. I had to take a shower, maybe it would help fight this terrible headache. I probably caught a bad cold last night, I shouldn't have stayed outside for that long. My nose was running and my throat hurt. Fantastic.

As I thought, the hot water did me good. My muscles slowly relaxed, and the headache disappeared gradually. I thought about Ash. I missed her so much. I remembered when she said she had to leave with her parents, the pain in my heart was way bigger than the one I had at the moment. It devastated me. We had known each other for so long. We shared so many happy memories, and sad ones too. Even when we were angry at each other, we couldn't stay away for too long because we missed each other too much. She had always been there for me, and I had too. And I was still here for her, but since she moved, something had changed. We didn't talk as much as we used to. We used to send thousands of texts per day, talking about everything and nothing. Then she met Spencer, she introduced her to me and we became best friends. When we talk now it was usually more on our group chat, though I knew Ash and Spencer were really close. I used to be jealous, really jealous, because I didn't want to lose her. Then I realized she wouldn't go away from me, no matter what and I started loving her too. We were all different but we matched immediately, and that was all that mattered. I had always thought, and I will always think that Ash is kind of my soulmate. Not like I loved her in the way I would love my boyfriend or something, but I just didn't want to live without her in my life, she was way too important to me, I couldn't let her go. Although when she left, I realized even that she couldn't stay by my side forever. One day she would find someone she loves and she will leave. I just hoped she would still think about me.

Once I was fully dressed, I went downstairs to eat something. As I passed the little mirror in the hallway, I noticed my swollen eyes. Funny, James was right. I do have red eyes. I took some cereals with milk and ate them, just staring at the wall in front of me, where was the calendar. Holidays. Did I really forget I was on holidays ? I sighed. I wouldn't have to see him for a while, I guess it was for the best.