What if the world had to work exactly the way the Sims franchise worked
...
Terrible.
Freddy: HELP OH MY GOD *is stuck on the stage bcuz there aren't any stairs*
Freddy: I CANT GET OUT HELP
Mike: Just jump down.
Freddy: I CANT GET OUT OMG
Mike: Or maybe use that table over there as a step
Mike: ...
Freddy: HELP
Mike: FREDDY I CAN THINK OF A LOT OF WAYS TO GET YOU DOWN FROM THERE BUT DO YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO HAVE STAIRS TO GET OUT OF THAT PLATFORM GEEZ MAN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAFELY LOWER YOURSELF FROM YOUR OWN STAGE-
Freddy: *dies of hunger*
Mike: WOW. Freddy died all because...
HE COULDNT EVEN GET DOWN A 1-METER PLATFORM.
-
Foxy: Woooo
Mike: Since when did we get a pool
and since when were animatronics compatible for swimming
Foxy: WAIT I CANT GET OUT
Foxy: IM GONNA DROWN
Ben: Well I drowned already lol this is my carcass floating
Mike: Oh golly foxy.
Are you serious
Foxy: THERES A TABLE IN THE WAY
Foxy: NOOO
Mike: MOVE IT YOURSELF
Foxy: NOOO I CANT DIE LIKE FREDDY
Mike: Well not if you go under, over, or just move that darned table yourself, you won't!
Foxy: *drowns*
Mike: *a weeklong sigh*
-
Bonnie: AAAH
Goldie: CHICA NOO
Chica: *is on fire because she was eating leftover ice cream and apparently its combustible ice cream. Or maybe she mistakened the hotsauce for ketchup.*
Mike: OMG DO SOMETHING.
Bonnie: *keeps panicking*
Mike: SCOTTS PHONE IS RIGHT THERE
Bonnie: *can't go to the phone*
Bonnie: *starts a casual conversation with a still burning chica*
Mike: BONNIE WHO IN THE WORLD TOLD YOU HOW TO SAVE A PERSON
Mike: GOLDIE DO SOMETHING.
Goldie: *casually walks into the office to sit on Mike's chair to read a book*
Mike: GOLDIE NO STAPH YOUR FRIEND WILL TURN INTO FRIED CHICA IF IT REACHES HER SKIN- aaaand she's dead.
Chica: *lies dead, but apparently not even ashes or fried, still raw*
Bonnie: *burning from fire that spread to the pizzeria*
Mike: LOOK GOLDIE TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD ALL BECAUSE SOMEBODY HERE DIDNT EVEN BOTHER AND JUST SAT DOWN TO READ A BOOK
HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET A FIRE FROM LEFTOVER ICE CREAM?!
Goldie: *stands up from the chair*
Mike: Good.
Goldie: *cries about bonnie and chica being dead*
Mike: GOLDIE YOU MAKE ME WANT TO NOT CRY IF YOU DIE LIKE ANY OF THEM
Goldie: *turns into an eldritch monstrosity*
Mike: AAAAH OMG YOURE NOT GOLDIE WHAT ARE YOU
Goldie: *turns into a gravestone*
Mike: ...
Welp that escalated quickly.
VERY REALISTIC AMIRITE
This is why we are blessed with common sense.
Let's take a moment to be thankful.
...
