KP/C&B Jokes #11

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You thought this was over? Fuck you, this train's still rolling.

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Ben: *beats Jack at arm wrestling* BAM! You owe me five dollars, son!!

Jack: *pulls out a knife*

Ben: O-Oh shit *moves his hand and Jack's so it looks like he lost* Psyche, you won, damn you strong *gives Jack the five dollars*

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Ben's Life Advice

Ben: You just gotta take care of yourself. Be healthy. Eat right. Exercise. Do safe amounts of cocaine.

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-Ben Tries to Get a Job-

Ben: 'Uuuhhh, you're too unprofessional'. Get outta here!! *is wearing a weed patterned suit* Die in a freakin' fire, Applebee's!!!

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Jeff: I love you.

Ellie: ....como estas?

Jeff: What?

Ellie: No puedo no ándale.

Jeff: What does that even mean?

Ellie: no pUEDO NO ÁNDALE!!!

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-How Jack Felt With Ao's Tickles-

Ao: Hey are you ticklish?

Jack: *in his head* Oh god, I don't want to say yes, because then she'll tickle me but then if I say no, she'll get suspicious and tickle me anyway so I don't know.

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Jack: *passing by*

Ben: *with Ao, Ellie and Jeff* *frowns* Yo, what up homie?

Jeff: We got a problem?!

Jack: *lifts shirt to show that he's packin'*

Ben: Daaaaamn look at that stomach tho.~

Ellie & Ao: *fan their faces and whistle*

Jack: Oh shit. *runs*

The others: *chase after him*

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Ben: *keeping Ellie as hostage* You can't have her!

Jeff: Why?!

Ben: Because I love you.

Jeff & Ben: *walking off together as My Heart Will Go On plays*

Ellie: I just can't even..!

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Jeff: *holding a banana* Ew, it's all brown and old..

Ben: Dude, we eat booty. Why you trippin'? *sips coffee*

Jeff: I don't eat booty.

Ben: *stops* ...Oh

Jeff: ....You've been drinking out of our cups.

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Jeff: We need us a name..

Ao: Oh, how about we be called--

Ben: the boOTY THRASHERS!

The gang: *stare*

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Ben: Hey Ao? What do women and noodles have in common?

Ao: I don't know. What?

Ben: They both wriggle when you eat them. *slaps his knee*

Ao: ...

Ben: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-Later-

Jeff: Hey, are you okay? What happened?

Ben: *is fucked up* Stuff.

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Jack: *walks into the room*

Jeff: Hey, you're back from eating that clown.

Jack: Yeah. It wasn't that good though. He tasted funny.

Ben: *from really far away* hA!

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Ellie: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Zalgo: Why?

Ellie: To get to the bitch's house.

Zalgo: That joke is shit.

Ellie: Knock knock.

Zalgo: Who's there?

Ellie: The chicken. *deal with it sunglasses* *air horns and mountain dew everywhere*

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Ben: Am I pretty or ugly?

Jeff: Both.

Ben: What do you mean?

Jeff: You're pretty ugly.

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Ben: You stupid!

Jeff: Bet you won't say it to my face! *turns around*

Ben: *in Jeff's face* Stupid.

Jeff: Bet you won't say it in the shower.

Jeff: *taking a shower*

Ben: *pops up* Stupid.

Jeff: Bet you won't say it in Braille.

Jack: *reading Braille* It says 'Stupid'.

Jeff: Aight.

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Ao: *singing* And I'm only human!~ And I eat when I feel down.. *shoves a fistful of chips in her mouth*

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-Ben Tries to Get a Job Again-

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Ben: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: Umm okay... What are your weaknesses?

Ben: Those beautiful brown eyes of yours.

-3 seconds later-

Ben: *kicked out* Fuck that place, it sucked anyway.

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-Ellie & Jeff As Parents-

Jeff: Goodnight kids.

Kids: Goodnight dad.

Jeff: Goodnight monster that eats children who are bad.

Ellie: *through radio under the bed* GOODNIGHT

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Ao: I'm not interested in finding romance.

Jack: *coughs*

Ao: You drive a hard bargain. I accept.

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