Just Me

I'm gonna be better

Hey!!

I hope you all are having a good day! If not, then I wish for it to get better.

I just wanted to post this to let you all know that I appreciated the kind and encouraging advice in that one depressing chapter...

Looking back on it, it's kind of stupid that I wrote that all out to publish it for you all to see. I shouldn't have to put my problems out on display like that, but at times it's harder to do anything else.

I apologize for not being a strong person for all of you. But I know I want to be better.

I haven't exactly solved my problems yet. I just sort of muddled over them for while then pushed them aside again... But, I've come to a few conclusions that'll help me get through most of them.

One that's been really prominent for me is my crush situation.

I've decided not to like him anymore.

He's still my friend! But I'm just not going to have any hopes for having any sort of romantic relationship with him. My step-mom helped me realize that if a boy you like likes you back then he'll make the effort to be with you. As she said, "It's never the other way around because that never works" (cue triggered gender-roles people despite the fact that this is pretty much true).

Plus, I don't think he's really my type. Sure he's nice, but he's super out there and ambitious and daring, and I'm not willing to be that way just yet. His comments and smiles don't faze me anymore, because now I treat him as an equal friend. Besides, I've found more than him to look forward to in my US History class, if not better. I've made three new friends that are honestly what help me smile and laugh like an idiot when I really need it the most. I'm thankful for them.

As for all of the other stuff: eh.

My step-mom wants me to get a part-time job already and wants me to apply for three scholarships. Ugh.

I've been doing a lot of school work last minutes but it's all good!!

Ehhh, now that I'm writing this, not a lot of change has been done. But at least I don't feel sad all of the time anymore, though I'm sure there will be another bout eventually.

A lot of you all said I should see help. I don't know if my dilemma is that extreme to seek that help, and I don't wanna say I'm depressed, but hehhhhh. I just shouldn't think about it.

I will get back to writing Cruel & Blue, now that I'm feeling better and am out of an extreme period of writer's block. I wanted to update sooner but I know if I bullshit content just to publish something then I will hate it.

I also apologize to all of the private messages I haven't been answered for so long. I'm gonna get back on that, too.

Uhhhhh

Yeh, that's all the news I have, for now. I'm not sure how soon I'll update C&B, but the next chapter is really close to being finished, as well as the entire story. It's been a good run but Jesus Christ that book needs to be put out of its misery it's been three fucking years since I first started it dammit.

I'll see you all around!

Bye!~~