KP/C&B/TF Jokes #26

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*posts at 12:00 like an asshole* IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

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*screams*

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Sally: Ben! Is that a weed?!?

Ben: No, this is a crayon--

Sally: I'm calling the police!!!

Sally: *pushes 911 on the microwave*

Microwave: 911 what's your emergency?

Ben: ಠ▱ಠ

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Reese: *has the conjoined popsicles*

Ben: Aren't you going to share?

Reese: Why should I?

Ben: Because it's a two-stick popsicle? Like, for two people?

Reese: No, you dumbass. It's just so you can hold it with both hands.

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Jack: *before Ao* I don't believe in love. It's stupid. Waste of time. I'm a heartless monst--

Ao: *pops up in his life* Hi!

Jack: *now* Bathe me in flowers and kisses and hugs and damn I love love it's such a blessed thing ♥︎

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Jeff: *before Ellie* Yeah killing people is my jam I'm a fuckin badass stone cold asshole no ones taking me down--

Ellie: *shows up in his life* Hey

Jeff: *now* Lol what's a serial killer anymore? that's overrated I love you and I love being with you and I will fite (ง'̀-'́)ง for you til the ends of time

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Ben: *before Reese* Haha, I'm so cool look at me smokin weed and getting the babes and heh-heh-hell yeah I'm smart and awesome everyone wants to be me--

Reese: *crashes into his life* Sup

Ben: *now* *sputtering* ffuuuuCCC I'm GaY i aM juST acHeiNg for HIM ANd I CAN't speak WorRDS yOu caN jUst ReaP MY SoUL aND my ASs HONEY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Ben: anybody else thinking about dick?

Craig: All the time

Zalgo: being an asexual I ACTUALLY think about REAL things like SCIENCE

Ben: literally no one asked

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Ben: Age is just a number

Jack: False. It's a word.

Ben: boi get the fuck outta my fACE

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Reese: take a photo of me

Reese: make me look good

Ben: you always look good

Reese: what

Ben: you heard me

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-Zalgo, the Inspirational Father-

Zalgo: BITCH TASTE THE FUCKIN POSITIVITY

Ellie: but you're not nice

Zalgo: STFU IM POSITIVE I NEVER SAID I WAS NICE

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