Gabriella Gilbert Two || Vampire Diaries

Chapter Seventeen

Edited

    Something about this didn't feel so meaningless anymore.

    My small trip to DC was somewhat enlightening. I've gotten so serious since becoming a vampire. The whole Damon situation hasn't done anything for my personality. Elena pointed out how I still remain loyal the other day. If I'm so loyal, then why am I here? Laying next to the enemy? Sleeping with him time and time again.

    This isn't love, is it? No, I know what love feels like. It may have ended terribly, but it was real. This is...this is something different. I can't tell what.

    It's symptoms are like love. I like looking at him when he doesn't realize. I like having sex with him. His personality is starting to become interesting, but that could just be the pillow talk. The hatred that once burned for him is nearly snuffed out. He keeps my guard down, too. I feel comfortable enough to tell him the truth, even when I plan on lying. Unlike love, I don't think about him constantly. I don't create scenarios in my head about us holding hands in public or telling each other sweet nothings. I don't have a need to tell the world how much I like being beside him.

    Of course, his family already knows. But I find it weird they haven't told any of my friends or family in an attempt to throw them off.

    Maybe it's just infatuation. Temporary, but passionate. He's doing something to me, I can feel it. When I'm with him, I sometimes contemplate whether I should just drop Damon all together. No revenge, no closure, no reconciliation.

I swear, feelings are fatal.

    Whatever this is, it no longer feels like meaningless sex. Was it ever just that for him? No, I know it wasn't. He's confessed some sort of feeling to me before. Is that why I'm starting to change my opinion? He said it himself the other day: he's wearing me down. Maybe it's—

    "What are you thinking about, love?"

    Shit. He realized I was staring at him. He opens his eyes before turning his head slightly to look at me. I snuggle up against the pillow, opening my mouth to say a lie, but the truth ends up spilling out.

    "You."

    The arrogant look on his face makes me roll my eyes. "Were you now?"

"Basically." I sit up enough to lean on my arm. The cover tugs down, revealing a little more of my chest, but I'm not too worried. "Hey, you're okay with this...right?"

    "With us sleeping together like two, grown, consenting adults?"

I punch his chest. "Don't be an idiot," I retort before scooting closer. "I mean...like, emotionally, or whatever. Are you sure you're okay with this not being a relationship?"

    "No," he admits, "not exactly."

    I frown. "Then why continue this? Not to sound conceited, but doesn't this, like, hurt you or something?"

    He gives a genuine smile. "No, not at all." I frown in confusion. What's he getting at? "You're not ready for a relationship, I can understand considering the circumstances. I'm a patient man, Gabriella. I'll wait as long as it takes."

    I scoff. "That's very bold of you to assume I'll ever return your feelings."

    "Like I said, I'm a patient man," he says before leaning on his arm. I don't stop him from leaning forward and kissing my forehead. "Besides, it looks like I've already gotten you to care about my emotional state."

    My fists clench as he rolls out of the bed, but they don't clench out of anger. So he's noticed my change in demeanor around him too. Was this some plan all along? You know what? No, I don't care. I don't like him like that. I never will. I can not like and not hate a person, right?