Without You Is How I Disappear

You're not a sh*tty father, I promise!

{Still Gee's P.O.V} ((what have I started))

It had been a few days since I was in hospital. Lyn-z and I had hardly talked. I didn't know what to do. I'd already told her everything she wanted to know about the situation with Mikey but not Steve.

Is that why she won't talk? Because I haven't made an effort with Steve?

Two days ago we moved Bandit into her new room. She was so happy. She didn't come out for hours, she just played and drew pictures by herself.

Was that a good thing, being by herself?

What am I doing? What the f*ck is wrong with me? I'm not playing with my daughter and spending time with her, I've hurt my wife by being wreck less, I can't just accept her friends, I'm not making her happy, I can't be happy for Mikey now that apparently he is himself, until the other day I haven't spoken or seen Frank in months, I haven't seen Ray since Bandit was born, I haven't wrote a song or a comic in ages either. What the actual f*cking hell! I'm utter cr*p! A cr*p dad, cr*p husband and a cr*p mate. After everything that people have done for me, this is what I do . . .

In fact, Bandit was still in her room; playing - by herself! And here I am, stood in front of the stove making breakfast with Lyn-z still asleep.

I flipped the last pancake and set it out on a plate. With it, I had a glass of orange juice and a jug of syrup all on a tray. I took in our room and woke Lyn-z up giving her the breakfast in made. She woke up and sat up with the tray on her lap. She flashed me a smile so I returned one back.

"Listen, I was thinking and I realised how cr*p and sh*tty I've been to you and Bandit lately, to pretty much everyone." I said.

"To Bee, how?" She was kind of confused at why I'd said that I'd been like that to Bee.

"Since we moved her into her room, all she's done is play -" she cut me off.

"So, isn't that a good thing?" She was still confused.

"Yeah, yeah it is but she plays by herself, she draws by herself. I think she even has an imaginary friend." I smirked.

"Oh, well yeah but that could be a good thing. Gerard, you haven't done anything to her." She replied shoving in a peice of pancake smothered in syrup.

"But I feel like I'm not there enough, the two of you have so much fun together. You go out shopping, you take her out for the day and do stuff together. We have a month until she starts kindergarten and then I won't be able to play with her all day and I can't be there and then the label will want a new album so i'll be away a lot and then tours and by the time I get back, she'll be at school." I was stressing out realising how little time I'd gotten left to make things right again.

"Oh, okay. I see your point. Err, she hasn't been to the cinema before! Tonight the three of us go into town and see a kiddy movie, get dinner and popcorn - she'll love that so much Ge!" A smile was growing.

"Yeah, yeah that sounds awesome. Has she had a burger yet?" I was getting excited

"Gerard, she can't really eat that much, I tride her with a little bit of popcorn the other day and she seemed okay but she's not even three till next month like you say so she can't eat chunky, big food like a burger yet, sorry hun." She felt kinda bad for me.

"See what I mean, I should know this. I should know what she is allowed to have and what she cant. Okay, errr what can she eat?" My stress returned.

Lyn-z sat there thinking for a while. "Pasta, I made bolognese the other day and she liked that."

"Okay, great! So cinema with a little bit of popcorn then go to an Italian for dinner!" My beaming smile returned wiping over my face, changing my expression.