Without You Is How I Disappear

Linds

{Lyn-z's P.O.V}

I felt my eyes flutter open.

I was blinded, instantly.

There were panels of bright lights that lay showering over me.

My vision was blured and I had no feeling as to where I was, I just knew something bad was happening.

"Linds."

At first the voice wasn't recognisable. It was muffled and faint.

I was adjusting to the light as I forced my eyes open for a few quick seconds at a time.

My vision was clearing up.

A fuzzy shaped man with blured colours began to brighten up into normality.

It was Gerard.

Another man came over next to him crashing his hands hard over the plastic bedside.

It was Mikey.

Gerard took my hand in his, cupping it while Mikey stayed in the same position.

I looked down at myself.

A thin white sheet hid my body from my sight. All I could see were my pale arms. Both of them either side of my blanketed body with all sorts of pipes and lines sticking out.

"Linds!"

Gerard distracted me from the horrors I looked down at myself with. I shifted my eyes towards him.

He looked scared. His eyes were full of doubt and sorrow.

I met Mikey's eyes. They had the same emotions swimming through.

"You're in the hospital hunny." Gerard broke the silence with the crackle of cries in his voice.

"No sh*t." I smirked trying to make the best out of what ever this situation is.

Gerard let out small breath of laughter and gave a weak smile.

Mikey stayed silent. He just stared. I noticed his eyes switch round a lot. He looked at my face, at my arms, at the packs of blood and drugs I was connected up to then my stomach. It was the weirdest thing.

Why was he staring at my stomach?

Gerard tried to talk but he knew I wasn't listening. He followed my gaze from Mikey to where he was looking at.

"Mikey, what?" I spoke out angered with his silence and bare stares.

"Oh er, erm s-sor-" he stutterd before letting his hands leave their position and head out if the door.

"What was that about Ge?"I asked as he looked down at my hand trying not to look directly at me.

"Gerard?!" I added with a stern voice. "Why did Mikey keep staring at my stomach then stutter and leave?"

I could tell he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to tell me.

"I don't know what to say Linds. I'm sorry, but no one does." He was starting to choke up.

"What do you mean no body knows what to tell me? The baby okay? Yes? No? What? What's happening to me? Why am I here?" Question after question began to pour out of my mouth. I was confused and I could instantly see that he was too.

"The baby is alive."

That's all he could tell me.

"Is he okay?"

He paused for a moment. He was slow and gentle. But it made sense due to what was next.

It hurt.

It felt like I'd been stabbed and that the knife was dragged down my body twirling round for more gut wrenching pain.

He shook his head.

The baby was not okay.

"They say he shouldn't even be alive." He added still looking cold staring at my hand still in his grip.

"Wha-, ho-, wh- why? What do-?" I was confused and angry and upset and pretty lost.

"Lindsey, you don't know how long you've been here, do you?"

That terrified me.

I went silent. He looked at me as if I were an alien or something.

"You've been here for about four days. You fell at home in the bathroom and you weren't breathing. I had to CPR until the ambulance came for you. They said that the fall would've been enough to,-" he stopped himself but I Knew exactly what he meant to say.

"I,- died?!" My words were stuttered and soft.

He gave a little nod before shifting his gaze to actually face me.

"So, then what happened?" I continued in the same way as before.

"I heard a crash while we were talking. At first I thought Bee had dropped something -"

I interrupted him as soon as he mentioned Bandit.

"Bandit! Was she there? Where is she?"

He interrupted my fret and worry for her.

"She was but I didn't let her see you and she's okay, she's at Mikey's with Ray and Christa."

"Oh good. Okay." I gave a little smile of relief before allowing him to continue.

His thumb swept over back and forth on the top of my hand.

"I found you and couldn't find a pulse or anything. I had to resuscitate you for a while, while Bandit slid my phone to m-me.-" he started to cry at the memory of me basically lying dead on the floor but he managed to continue. "The ambulance came just as I, as I got you breathing o-Kay. You were really dazed, and - and completely out - out of it. They couldn't tell wh-at was going on. I, I had to-to call Mikes to, to come pick Bandit up."

Tears streamed down his soft skin.

Gerard tried to explain as much as he could to me. The baby was alive, but he shouldn't be. He would grow up differently to every other kid. He'd have a different life.

No one knew what was happening to me. I was sick and nobody knew how or why.

All the drugs I'd been on were making me exhausted.

Mikey hesitated to come back in to the room many times. He'd stay at the door then slowly strike eye contact with me before sheepishly looking down then flooding away again out of all sight.

At about three, Ray and Christa bought Bee to come see me.

She'd started kindergarten a while a go. Gerard and I would take her and drop her off every morning and pick her up and take her home every afternoon. We didn't want to miss a single second with her while we were home from tour. I felt terrible not being able to be there. I didn't know if Gerard was still doing it while I couldn't or weather Ray or Mikey or Christa was taking her.

On that note, I burst into tears.
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Oooh this is getting real now *yay* 30 chapters until it actually gets exciting, wow! 😅😎😄

Also, yes I know I'm English and yet I type and talk in American; don't ask why but the excuse i will use for writing this is that Gerard is American  (yeah I know Lyn-z is Scottish so wouldn't nessiceraly say kindergarten but oh well- be pedantic if you may!)

I update way too fast don't I?!
😝