Don't You Remember? ~Larry Stylinson

33. Fixing your Heart

“Sure, come on in,”

I mumbled into the darkness. The door slowly creaked open and I could see the shadow of Louis’ hunched over figure standing in the door way. I shuffled in bed until my back was against the headboard, sitting up. Louis took a step in my room, closing the door behind him and, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I opened up my arms to him.

He ran up to me, falling into my arms and I hugged him tightly. He buried his head in my neck as I rubbed up and down his back. I heard his almost silent sobs and felt a damp patch against my neck.

A moment or two later, I held Louis shoulders, pushing him arms length away, so that he was sitting next to me on my bed, as I looked into his eyes, shining in the darkness. His jaw was clenched and eyes filled with worry. My eyes were still adjusting to the lack of light in the room, but I could still read his emotion.

“Any particular reason you came in at this ridiculous time in the morning?” I asked with a hint of cheekiness to my voice.

“I love you,” Louis blurted out, and I could just make out a glistening tear roll down his cheek. “I really do Haz, and I can’t handle not talking to you… or you being mad at me.” He paused for a moment and the room was only filled with the sound of our breathing. “I’m sorry for waking you up Harry. I tried to get to sleep, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t sleep knowing you were mad at me,” He explained.

I sighed, bringing him back into my body for another hug. “I wasn’t mad at you; not really,” I told him, my walls crumbling down. “I just felt like you didn’t want me near you anymore, and going to speak to you would just get on your nerves,” I admitted.

Louis sighed, “Shall we…?” he gestured up the bed and shuffled over. I followed him and sat up at the headboard of the bed, our legs outstretched in front of us, and I could feel the hairs on Louis leg tickling my own. “I’m sorry I was such an idiot, I understand I upset you, but I didn’t mean it. I hate myself as well for ignoring you, but I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I had to come here and explain.”

I nodded, staring straight ahead into the darkness of the room. I moved my leg, resting my knee on Louis’. It wasn’t much, but I hoped it gave him some comfort and reassurance that I wasn’t all that mad at him; I was just confused and hurt “You shouldn’t hate yourself,” I told him. “But it would be nice if you could explain what was going on,” I encouraged.

“Of course,” He replied quickly. “I never meant to hurt you… It’s just that, you know when we entered that shop?” Again, I nodded, turning my head to look him in the eye, holding my hands in my lap. “Well, I didn’t want you to get hurt, but I guess that’s exactly what happened. I know that there are a lot of people who don’t approve of our relationship, and I just didn’t want to get hate and abuse thrown at us there. I was trying to protect you from all of that.”

“So,” I started, stopping him from continuing. “You weren’t ashamed to be seen with me in public?” I asked, cautiously; because that was honestly what it seemed like at the time.

“No, no. Of course not,” he replied immediately, trying to reassure me that what I had assumed, wasn’t true. “I would never be ashamed to be with you. I want nothing more than to just shout it out to everyone that I’m in love with you. But if I did, we would get even more hate than we do now, and I don’t want you to have to load all of that on you. That wouldn’t be right. You’re probably still only just getting used to the idea of us being together.” He took a breath, “people seem to think that being in love with someone of the same sex is wrong, and we should be ashamed of it, not wanting to flaunt it everywhere we go.” Louis explained and turned his head to look at me, so I could physically see the pain in his eyes, knowing he was telling the truth.