The Spirit's Obsession {Sequel to Entwined Fire} - #Wattys2016

It's not suppose to be like this.

Zak POV..

I could hear crunching... Loud crunching. Then silence.

I waited and sure enough crunching sounded again with a small clink. Opening my eyes I saw Maria sat up in bed with a glass in her hands, trying to pick up an ice cube quietly. Once she had it she grinned and ate it, then the crunching sounded.

Pushing up off my elbow I threw myself across her lap.

"Hmm! You- oh cold! You awake!" She spoke puffing no doubt from the cold icecube.

The glass went down on the side and I could here her hands rubbing together before she buried them into my hair.

Her magic touch.

My eyes rolled several times threatening to pull me back under into the darkness but I would remember that soon both Maria and our little creation would need feeding.

"You left me." I mumbled into her bare thigh.

"Only for an hour. I went to the shop and got ice. I took Gracie... She came in with me and made the owners swoon over her."

I smiled hearing that she had taken her, I'd hate for Maria to go anywhere she wasn't familiar with alone. Specially now.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"I had fruit cocktail... From the can. It was quiet nice actually. Something to tie me over until you are ready my lord."

"I better make you some-"

"Don't you dare move. Not yet. Besides you've just woken up and I'm enjoying a cuddle."

"Okay." I sighed slightly relieved that I get to stay here a little longer.

5 months..

A small twist formed in my stomach, anxiety.

I guess yesterday was shock and over joy. Now reality was kicking me in the teeth.

Nothing would be the same again...

Maria couldn't come away with us.

Maybe that's why she gave me the option to walk. Not so much from my house. But I'd give her the house instantly, I would find a loft apartment like my one previous before I moved into the house I'm in now.

She would be able to bring the baby up knowing the house was paid for, I'd buy her everything, she would be a kept woman.

But you know that would be meaningless without you..

Maybe she would have gone home, back to her mom and dads house? To bring our child up surrounded by fields and nature. In a secure household that I lacked as a child.

Would she even tell me the name of our child? Allow me to see photos and know the name? Or would I be cut off and ignored.

Would our time together dissipate into nothing as she raised our child alone?

What if I wasn't good enough? What if I couldn't protect them? I couldn't protect Maria alone or Gracie. I couldn't even put up protection on myself!

"Zak stop it." She spoke slicing though the anger within my body like a hot knife though butter.

I should tell her my worries..

No. She had enough to deal with you selfish man.

I wanted my Maria.. She was mine. But soon someone else would require her attention 24/7. Am I that selfish that I would get jealous? Over my own child?!

There are times in a lockdown that I need her, I need her so badly, when things have turned bad and I can't separate my emotions from the spirits energy.

Temporarily I'm lost in those moments, I don't know who or what I am. I just have Aaron and a camera.. But even they seem foreign and alien to me. Apart from one person, who is ebbed in my mind. Like a wallpaper to my brain and that's Maria. Her smile, the small scar I had put upon her cheek, the big brown trusting eyes that held hope and always twinkled. How her hair fell perfectly with a small bit over her eyes, the same bit she always tucked behind her ear in frustration. The same bit I loved dearly and often played with. She would smile creating a small dimple in her cheek. She was my haven.

But this was all changing before me.. Already. This isn't how I'm supposed to feel. I asked her hand in marriage, death do us part but I could feel us dying already. I wanted her by my side forever but I wouldn't have her by my side in a few months, I'll be alone in lockdowns.

I'll be lost in my mind, I'll suffer more than what I'm used to. I'd come home to sleepless nights, a worn out wife and a baby I was completely useless with! I wouldn't know where to start! There is no on and off switch for a baby. I haven't had training in this! Maria well she would be like a duck to water, she would know instantly. She always did even when equipment wouldn't work, her calm nature would fix it.

"Zak stop this.." Her voice came through again.

My chest was tightening at the chaos that was ensuing us in a few months. I wouldn't have her to come home to.. She would be exhausted alone, I would have to take over, even when I feel riddled with demonic energy. I would have to lay my hands on my baby and smother it in the energy... A child's soul, pure as snow. And then there is me.. Black soul, marked for Satan, who when I die will personally collect my soul and take me away.

I wasn't ready to be a parent. I wasn't ready to be a husband. It's one or the other. It's both or nothing. It's me or the baby. It's the baby and no Maria.

I flew off her lap and fell into the bathroom throwing up hard. As images played in my mind I held my head as simply let the evil pour out of me.

I've messed up and I can't do this all at once.

"Zak?" Maria called from the bedroom.

"S-stay there. I'm okay!" I coughed.

You're a coward. A selfish useless man. A poor excuse for a man. You're your fathers son, alright.

Pathetic.

"Can I get you anything?" Her honey voice called riddling me with self hate for having these thoughts.

"N-no." I breathed.

How can it all change in 24 hours? Simple.. Fear. Fear of doing something wrong, fear of upsetting her, fear of hurting them, fear of no protecting them... Fear of- what is the fucking point.

I slumped against the wall beside the toilet and pinched my nose. I could smell her on my skin, feel her touch and warmth.

I opened my eyes to find her wrapped around my side holding me "I know." She whispered.

I looked to her as she looked at me brushing my hair back. Her eyes held trust, sympathy and knowing.

How do I tell a woman who's my world that I'm not ready. How do I tell a woman that is my only purpose for breathing that I can't be the man she wants. I can't be a husband or a father.

How do I tell her that her world is about to come crashing down?