princesses and vampires | gerard way✔

67- I Thought Happiness Was Forever

trigger warning; self harm  + depressing thoughts
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I'm selfish.

That's the only way to describe this.

Why have I been happy and now I'm sad again. Why was it like this? I can't just stay happy and the worst part is I don't even know why I'm sad. I just am. Sure maybe it's because of the trauma I've been through but I thought I was over it.

I sat on the bathroom tiles with fresh new cuts layering my arms. I told Gerard I understood...I didn't understand.

I'm a liar.

Why must I always be like this. I seem like an attention whore who faked being sad for people to feel sorry. I'm not, I really am sad maybe borderline depressed. I have no point in living but the guys and they'll leave me.

I picked up my razors placing them in a ring box in my cabinet. I cleaned my cuts and slipped on a black hoodie to cover my permanent scars. I was selfish I had a loving boyfriend, caring friends, and a brother who's been through everything with me. My mind didnt understand this. I just couldn't get over the past and my boyfriend's past.

If I was gone the world would be better. Jacob wouldn't have to watch his sister grow worse and worse, Gerard wouldn't have to check and moniter me, and the guys could actually have girlfriends without me being a jealous, selfish bitch.

I grabbed my last anti-depressant/anxiety pill swallowing dryly. Oh look no more fucking refills of course. I threw the bottle at the window above the sink and slid down the counters.

Why couldn't I be like other people I see. Smiling, happy, perfect life...but that doesn't exist it's a facade. Instead of being true we fake to impress others and show that we are 'fine'.

I was then interrupted by my thoughts by the guys closing the front door.

"Violet?" Gerard asked

"Yes?" I asked getting up

"Why are you on the floor?"

"Oh I was looking for bug I thought I saw."

"Ew bug!" Mikey squealed

The guys laughed and I fake laughed to seem 'fine'