You're Just My Toy

Thirty-eight

Thirty-eight

Agad akong gumaling kinabukasan. Hindi ako iniwan ng dalawang pasaway na lalaki buong araw hanggang sa makumbinsi ko silang ayos lang ako. Hindi umuwi si Jayden at natulog siya sa sofa sa sala. Nagpaalam rin siya nang mag-umaga na at nakitang wala na akong lagnat.

Nakita ko sa kanya na gusto niya pang mag-stay pero inoobserbahan niya ang reaksyon ko. Hindi ko pa rin kayang magpanggap na ayos lang kami kahit na inaalagaan niya ako.

Kahit hindi nila amining dalawa sa akin ay alam kong gusto nilang maging magkaibigan ulit. Dahil lang naman sa akin kaya nasira ang pagkakaibigan nila e. Siguro ngayon pwede na ulit silang maging magkaibigan lalo na wala na akong connection sa kanilang dalawa. Wala nang pipigil at hahadlang.

Tinitigan ko si Bitchnie na nangingilid ang luha sa harapan ko. Hinampas niya ako sa braso nang nakitang nakangisi.

"Nakakainis ka!"

Tumawa ako, "What? Nako, kapag hindi ka talaga sumunod sa akin, mawawalan ka ng buhok."

"I'm going! Mali lang kasi ako ng na-book na oras, dapat sabay tayo! But anyways, ayos lang rin dahil hindi ko pa naayos ang mga gamit ko."

"Basta iyong binilin ko sa'yo, please," ngiti ko.

"Yes, Princess. I won't forget," irap niya at tinapik ang bag kung saan nakalagay ang mga sulat. "Can I read all of them?"

Humalakhak ako.

"Chismosa ka talaga!"

"Please?" she said, doing her puppy eyes.

"Fine! Ibalik mo sa dati para hindi halata na may nagbukas na. I didn't seal them so it's accessible," tawa ko.

"YES!"

No one knows I'm leaving this country. Si Bitchnie lang ang nakakaalam. Maski si Papa ay walang alam rito, hindi ko lang alam kung sinabi ni Mama—ayoko nang alamin pa.

I wrote letters for those people I will leave behind—who I think I will leave behind. I wrote it days before the graduation day. I know that I'm a coward because I'm running away from my problems but I don't know how to deal with it anymore. Alam ko rin na makakabuti iyon sa lahat dahil ako naman talaga ang puno't dulo ng problema nila. They won't have to deal with a toxic person like me anymore.

Today's the day after our graduation. I was relieved, because finally, I'm done with my school, its people, and its stories. I was sad because I will leave everything behind including James. His hugs and touch. I will miss him so much, but... this is for the best. For better me.

S T E P H A N I E

"I should go."

I smiled, "Sure. See you."

Nagtitigan kaming dalawa. Her lips twitched. She was trying not to smile, but knowing Wreakcess? She broke into a smile and hugged me tight. I closed my eyes and hugged her back.

When she first hugged me that day when I felt so broken and stupid for crying over someone whom I thought I was in love with, I felt comforted for the first time in my whole life. Hindi ako nangyayakap ng kung sino. I don't like hugs but it seems like I'm always longing for her warmth when she hugs me. She made me feel so safe in her arms, aside from her smile and laughter, that's what I love the most about her.

I don't really deserve to be her friend after what I've done but I can't bear to lose her anymore. I felt that she was a threat so my first move was to hurt her. She was stepping on my ego and of course I didn't want that so I brought her down. She didn't deserve it. I regret everything. I always cringe when I remember how unreasonable, insensitive, and a bitch I was. She's a great friend. Fragile but brave. Broken but strong. She makes me wanna work for better me—for improvement. God, she made me a better person!