complications » h.s. [COMPLETED]

thirty four

Lydia

I was way too deep into it.

The guilt was eating me out alive, slowly and painfully, day by day. I wasn't myself and it would be a matter of time before the guys would start getting suspicious. My nerves were everywhere, my hands were always shaky and that's when I started going on Xanax. I spent the nights awake, occupied by my thoughts, and the days asleep. Harry, who was the closest to me, was starting to get worried. I tried to tell him that I was just coming with a cold, but he didn't seem to believe me.

Many mornings I felt like I could throw up my intestines from being so dependent on pills and just general the guilt. I didn't want to live like this anymore. I hated it more than anything. Living like this had changed my ways of thinking, like I almost wanted to find a way to kill Zayn just so I could be free from all this and the thing that started it all -- free my sister.

There was a soft knock on my door, before Harry's head peaked through. "Do you want anything to eat?" He asked carefully.

"No, I'm not hungry," I mumbled along with some inaudible words. I barely ate anymore and it was visible on my body.

He sighed as he stepped in my room before he closed the door. "Are you sure everything is alright?" He was sitting on the side of my bed, looking deeply worried.

"Yeah, I am just tired," I yawned, sitting up to face him.

"Lydia, you have been tired for the past two weeks. This isn't normal," he said, brushing a piece of hair away from my face.

"Harry, it is just a cold, it's nothing to worry about," I lied, kissing his soft lips.

Then he shifted uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck. "You're not pregnant, are you?" He asked.

And for the first time in weeks, I laughed. "No, no, no," I laughed. "I can assure you that I am not pregnant."

He let out what seemed like a relieved sigh.

"Besides we used a condom," I said.

"So did Ross and Rachel and they ended up having Emma!" He exclaimed as a joke, before pressing his lips to mine. "Can you at least eat a little bit with us?"

I agreed to it, only leaving me nauseous again after I had eaten the french toast Harry had made for me. I stood in the bathroom looking at the reflection and barely recognizing myself. I had lost too much weight and my under eyes bag were revealing that I barely slept. I pushed away the thought of wanting to throw up and swallowed some pills and went to bed again.

***

When I woke up again, the house was empty and I finally felt rested. As I was about to leave the room, I noticed a little note on my nightstand.

We found new information about the shipment. I tried to wake you up, but I wanted you to get that extra sleep. - Harry x

I could feel my heart beat starting to rise when I finished it. There were a possibility that they could be getting the shipment soon. And all of this would be over.

A part of me was slightly mad that they left without me, but the other part was okay with it. With all the weight loss, my strength was gone with it.

I picked up my phone and texted Harry.

Stay safe, I sent to him and just when I was about to put my phone down when my phone started ringing and I saw a name I hadn't thought of in a long time and my heart started to beat faster.

Jamie.

"Hello?" My voice shook.

"Lydia? Hi," he said in his usual cheery self.

"Jamie, it's been so long," I said.

"It really has been," he said and I could already picture his smile on the other line.

"Why did you call?"

"I am back in town, I thought maybe we could catch up. Just like old times," he said.

I remained silent, just because I didn't know what to answer. He was my best friend for almost ten years and I know what I needed was to talk to him, tell him everything.

"Lydia?" He asked. "Are you there?"

Those words were enough to make the tears stream down. "Jamie, I messed up real bad," I sobbed into my phone.

"Lyd, tell me," his soothing voice calming me down slightly.

"Can we meet?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Come by my apartment downtown in ten minutes," I said and hung up.

I grabbed the car keys and drove out. When I got back to my old apartment complex, Jamie was sitting on the stair case in front of my door. We didn't say a word, instead I wrapped my arms around him, quietly crying.

I opened to my apartment and he sat down next to me on the couch. "You don't live here?" He asked out of pure curiosity.

"It's a part of the whole story I am about to tell you," I sighed.

"Is everything okay? Is it something serious?"

"Everything is far from okay," I wiped a tear. "I just don't know how to explain all of this."

"Try, I'll listen," he said, giving me a comfort smile.

And then I spilled it all out. From how Zayn kidnapped me the first day, the weeks of training for preparation, starting to live with the guys, Madeline Artson's masquerade ball, Seattle with Zayn, the frat parties, Las Vegas with Harry, the first attempt to get the shipment, Madeline kidnapping me and using me as a bait, getting shot and everything that happened with Harry till now.

Jamie looked shocked with a loss of words. He ran his finger through his hair and exhaled a few times before he finally he spoke up. "Are you sure you can't tell the police?"

"No," I sighed. "These guys are professionals. If I get the police involved, they're gonna kill Sky."

"And Harry," he said, just pausing a bit. "Does he know?"

"No, Jamie. That's the hard part, I can't keep lying to someone I love," I said, feeling frustrated. "It's eating me out alive. I have started on pills I don't really need and I can barely eat."

"Lydia, does he love you?"

"Yes."

And do you love him?"

"Yes," I finally said after being quiet. It was an abnormal feeling telling my ex-boyfriend that I loved someone else.

"Then tell him everything. Tell him what you just told me. If he loves you, he wouldn't tell Paul. I don't know Harry myself, but I think he would've helped you," Jamie said, giving me his usual smile and I couldn't help smile back despite all the pain I was feeling.

"And most of all, don't blame yourself for all of this. You are doing all of this for your sister," he said, putting one arm around me.

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I miss the old times. Like in high school when both of our worries was to get an A on our AP Math class," I chuckled slightly.

"Good times," he smiled.

After that we just talked like we had been after all those years together. Jamie did everything to take my mind of all of this. But in reality all I was thinking of how I would tell Harry.

A/N: hello!! i have almost finished this story, it will be 40 chapters and a two-part epilogue and how do you think it will end?

i am also close to 10k reads which is insane. i want to thank all of you who still reads and votes even tho i am a shitty updater. god i love you all!!