complications » h.s. [COMPLETED]

thirty seven

Lydia

When I got back home the house was strangely quiet. Not a sound anywhere in the house. I was used to the boys disappearing like that so I continued back up in my room to lie down. My mind was spinning. A never ending hurricane occupying my thoughts, hoping it would all crash down.

Harry was sitting on the bed. His eyes focused on the laptop in front of him with earbuds plugged in. I walked in quietly, smiling at him as he finally noticed my presence in the room.

"Hey," he softly said, removing an earbuds and made extra space of me in the bed.

I threw my purse in the corner and joined him, nuzzling my head in the crook of his neck. I could feel his soft curls tickling the back of my head. "What are you doing?"

He placed a kiss on my forehead. "I was watching a documentary about letters written about famous people through history."

"Really?" I smiled. "I have always loved the aspect of handwritten letters. It was a shame they kinda died out with the technology revolution."

"Yeah, I agree. There was this suicide note Vincent Van Gogh left his brother. I don't know, I don't really have words for all of this. All of this baffles me, but I am still so interested in this," he said, the brightness in his eyes shining.

"You are genuinely enjoying this," I smiled, planting a quick peck on his cheek.

"Of course," he grinned. "I always wanted to be a history teacher. That was my plan before I ended here."

"You never told me this before?"

"I know," he sighed. "It was more for my benefit. Instead of just reminding myself what I could have been. I tried to shut it out." His tone was despairing.

"There is still a chance," I whispered into his neck, placing gentle kisses. "You would have been a very hot teacher too."

He chuckled, feeling the vibrations from his chest. "Please."

"What? Imagine Mr Styles walking into a classroom, the hormonal teenage girls are all giggling when the badass Harry enters," I said in a sensual voice just to joke around with him.

"Well, what would you do for a top grade then?" His voice turned deeper, a playful smirk on his face.

I sat up facing him, messed up my curls and unbuttoned the top buttons of my blouse, showing my cleavage on purpose. "What do you say Mr Styles?" I said, a finger in my mouth, trying to play sexy for him.

He raised his brow, his arms snaking around my waist pulling me closer and I broke out into a small laugh as it tickled slightly. "A plus, baby," he whispered into my neck.

I laughed while he placed little kisses on my neck.

"It's been a while since I have seen you smile a genuine smile," he said when we face each other. His green eyes softly watching me. "Did everything go well with your father?"

"Depends on what you define well as," I said. "I'm done with him and I think he understood that."

"How are you feeling about that?"

"I'm alright," I simply said.

He tucked away a piece of hair from my face and nodded.

I remembered Jamie's words and the conversation we had before I met my father. How I was about to tell him everything. Looking back at it, I was almost relieved my father showed up. I couldn't tell him now.

"Do you love me?" I asked out of a sudden.

His brows furrowed like I had just asked a silly question. "Of course, I do."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what," he repeated.

I exhaled, trying to shut out the anxiety that was coming back. It seemed impossible for me to tell him. I couldn't. Zayn was his best friend. A literal partner in crime. Maybe it was for the best that he didn't knew. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting him more than I was going to do when I would eventually leave.

I couldn't tell him.

"I don't know how to say any of this," my voice lowered, almost at a cracking point as it shook.

Harry noticed, and his eyes looked at me fully concerned. "Lydia. Babe, what happened?"

A lump formed in my throat and it felt like I couldn't breathe. "I want to leave for reasons I can't tell." I tried to avoid his gaze so he wouldn't see the tears forming.

"What do you mean? I know that you won't extend your contract, you told me that," he softly said.

"I need to leave now," I spoke up, it physically hurt to say it out loud.

He shook his head in disbelief. "Your contract won't end until in two months."

"That's the problem. I need to get away for the sake of us."

"The sake of us?"

I sighed heavily, the tears prickling in my eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, Harry," I whispered as a tear fell down my eye. "And that's why I need to leave."

His hand cupped my face, his thumb wiping away the tears and the other one brushing away the hair from my face. "There isn't anything that would hurt me besides the fact that you are leaving."

I exhaled deeply. "I wish, Harry, I really do. It doesn't make any sense right now, eventually it will."

"Are you going to leave?" He asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Yes, I'm so sorry," I tried to force out.

He looked down onto his hands, silent just for a bit. "I don't want to force you to stay."

"This is not permanent, just a break."

"That was what Ross and Rachel did and look what happened between them, if you look apart from the series finale," he sighed.

I laughed just a bit. "When the time is right, we'll be together," I intertwined our hands.

His deep green eyes looked into mine, sadness all over them. "Just not when we're involved in what we are doing."

I nodded slightly, with a lump in my throat and tears welling in my eyes. "Yes."

There was a faint silence as we both looked empty up to the ceiling. Our hands intertwined as I laid on top of him.

"I'll tell you one day," I finally said.