Write it Down so I Don't Forget

Salty Rachel

Well I woke up at 5 in the morning and finished my report thank goodness, ugh it was awful though.
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Got to school and printed. Texted Rachel and Natalie that I was in the library Natalia met me in my first period and was about to leave because people were testing she left without me so I had to catch up. Was about to tell her something regarding Kane but then realized she probably didn't care so I stopped. We were in the ABC building and she was like we should go to Rachel's class and I'm like wait she is here? She didn't text me. So then I sat there awkwardly while they talked.... I felt really out of place and isolated. So I guess I can't talk because that's probably what she feels like sometimes. Idk why I care all that much because I know we're going to grow apart and I know she doesn't care all that much about our friendship so it's whatever. *sigh* over it. Done I'll talk to her when she wants to talk to me. I'll always be there for her. Her and Natalie are good friends so I guess that's good.....
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I'll just tell you guys what I was going to tell Natalie. So I was printing and decided i wanted a breath strip so I got one out and remembered yesterday when is done the same thing. Kane asked for one so I got one out for him and he touches me unnecessarily, like its small but you didn't need to touch me to get it. 😏 gosh I'm obsessed I need to stop. I need to focus on the fact that my top school didn't get my extra curricular activities and volunteer hours!!! 😭😭😭 Its slipped my mind and isn't freaking me out as much but it's still looming over my head and makes me fee awful about it. At the same time though I know that maybe I'm not meant to go there. Maybe I'll do better at another school or I'll meet life long friends at other schools. Idk you never know we'll see what happens.
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So I'm in forensics and for some unknown reason Rachel seems super pissed at me and idk why. Like this morning she didn't even look at me and whenever I talked she ignored me. Then tapped her to get her attention and she got snippy at me. So I left her alone until we got to the lab table. She looked sad so I asked if she was okay and she said it was nothing but I know that wasn't true. So I texted her and asked her. She didn't reply even though I know she saw it and now I'm sitting in the front and she is all talkative all of a sudden. Wth.
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Oh gosh I don't even know where to begin but I found out why Rachel was mad, sort of.... And I don't get it but whatever I'm going to let her get over it and if she doesn't than.... Idk but yeah I guess I said something that was insensitive about her crush. Not about how I didn't support her but I said you need to get it through your head that no is a possibility and that's the truth. Like that's how things work! And then I said like tell her the sooner the better, because I said it might help you get over the crush. Which is true rejection gives you a smack of reality. I told her straight up. I'm not the type to sugar coat so I didn't she knows I tell it like it is and we have that kind of relationship or at least that's what I thought.
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Enough of that. So after my NHS meeting Claire and I were going to go to chick-fil-a and eat she invited Kane and Erin, Erin couldn't but he could. So I get there and order I wait until they show up and stuff. He gets there after me and we start talking he talks a lot about himself for some reason and is telling me stuff about him more than usual. I read online that them telling you stuff is a sign a person likes you. Anyway Claire gets there we all talk and laugh and stuff. Then I ask Claire if she knew why Rachel was mad at me and she tells me. So after I'm like saying all the things that have been on my mind for a while, about how we're growing apart and I don't feel like she cares. Just basically pouring my heart out which I've never done with them before. It felt good. So anyway his ex shows up and we're all like oh gosh this is awkward.... And so Claire and I go to the bathroom as were walking out she enters. Kane has told us many times that she'll like text him still and wants to get back together and stuff. So we all felt weird especially since she was there with another guy and she sat too close for comfort (one booth over). We all decided it was time to go but none of us wanted to go home yet so we walk to our cars each to get a jacket and such. We decide to walk to the nearby Starbucks. So I got a jacket from my car and start heading over. We all walk over. Claire says "I'm so cold I only have two layers!" Then I'm like "I'm wearing three layers and I'm still cold!" Then Kane, to me, was like "do you what my jacket?" I screamed internally. Like omg! He asked me not Claire even though she said she was cold too! Ughhh. We get to Starbucks and chat and stuff about nothing really. Claire asks about how friend zoning works and things along those lines Kane explains it and for the most part he says you're in the friend zone if the person treats you like you're the same gender, (this is a boy and girl instance). Basically if the guy treats you like "one of the guys" you're in the friend zone or vise versa if it's a girl that treats you "like one of the girls". Anyway I always talk about periods because I don't think is should be a taboo topic I literally talk about periods with anyone and anywhere. I hope he knows that so he doesn't think I've friend zoned him because I really haven't.... I should probably stop talking about the guys I find attractive in front of him... Oh and big news he has these two friends, his best guy friends, and they are going to our talent show that I am also attending so I'll be meeting his friends that he talks about a lot! I'm pretty excited because I want to see how they will act if I'm around, like will try tease him because he has told them about me or something you know? So his first friend is Zack, his confidant and apparently he is extremely smart. He builds computers. But his other friend, Alex, is apparently super attractive and is the top of his class. They go to a different school and he met them at band camp a few years back. I'm pretty sure Kane talks about the calc group to them because he'll sometimes tell us what they think of whatever is happening. So yeah fun stuff. I have a busy busy weekend and I can't wait for it because this week is going by so slowly! I need my two week break right now.