Elizabeth has a very mundane boring life but sometimes she needs to vent about anything and everything. The only relief she finds is by writing it down. So this is her life. This is her diary.
It's not formatted like an actual book and it has IM la...
So I just realized a couple of things have happened to me that I just didn't mention that I should have. Okay so first of at Courtney's party, Tia was like "is this the weekend" (she was referring to the song playing) and I stupidly say "no it's Thursday." 😂😂😂😂😅 omg it was so funny because I was dead serious. After a bit I realized what she meant was face palmed so hard. It was so funny. Another thing on Christmas my mom, brother and I were driving back from my Aunt's and my mom turned into our neighborhood and was swerving all over the road and we were like what the heck mom!? She replied "I'm helping pulverize the leaves in the streets." Mind you she was driving from side to side on the street. She's crazy but I love her. While we were at my Aunt's my cousin was like "I don't remember denting the fridge" and my mom replied "it's hard to remember anything when you're stoned" my mom is such a savage. Lol. So I don't have a dad as you should have realized and I was listening to music when this one song came on. It's one of my favorite songs that always makes me cry. It's the only song that makes me wish I had a dad, it's about a father telling his daughter's new husband stuff. It's called I loved her first and it always makes me cry. I want to make a new version where it's from a mom's point of view so I can play it at my wedding one day. But I've also thought about playing it when my brother and I dance. He is going to walk me down the aisle, I'm not sure when I decided that but it's always just kind of been an automatic for me. I've always known he was going to do that for me. He's the "man" in my life which isn't saying much since I'm more of a "man" than him tbh. He can be so wussy sometimes. I love him regardless though. Speaking of weddings I have one to go to soon! Yippie! Actually I hate weddings but I like to dress up so that's why I'm going. The couple are the only two who actually have fun. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So today my friends were supposed to come over to clean cars... they haven't said anything and by they I mean Kane so I guess it's not happening? I was a burrito until 12 today and now it's 2 I've been doing chores since my mom left for work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Honestly kind of sucks not having a crush... I have nothing to think about now... or do period. I'm bored and I'm probably going to be bored tomorrow as well.... ugh I have to wait until Saturday for the wedding which isn't fun because I'm going to be waiting for Saturday to come and that will be closer to going back to school which I don't want to do.... I wish it was summer. I really hope I get into my first choice school. I really hope I didn't screw everything up for myself.... I really really hope not. My life is back to bing boring now that I don't have a crush or anything to talk about now. He was the reason I started writing this because I couldn't talk about it with my friends but I needed to talk about it. I guess i can talk about the fact that my best friend is still mad at me.... so yeah she is still mad almost a full month of being distant.... January first marks it. Ugh idek.... Honestky I hate breaks from school because I have nothing to do and don't get to socialize. The main reason I tolerate school is for the social aspect, which is funny for a girl with social anxiety. But I guess it forces me to be more sociable as opposed to a shut in during breaks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the kind of day where I got bored and lonely so I started thinking which is never good and got depressed.... idek what's happening in my life. I can be so happy and feel good about where I am but then days like this I just feel so worthless and helpless. In my boredom I remade my Bitmoji to look more like me.
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I think this looks more like me and it's cuter than my original one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I know it's bad to say this and people say it so freely but I hate myself. I'm everything bad combined into one person..... everything no one wants to have in a person they have a relationship with, not just romantic but any kind of relationship, I'm just bad news. Ugh grrr I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling better. Good night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I didn't say something's I wanted to. So a few days ago I was taking to Claire about being lonely. Without noticing she switched to the grext and poured my heart out about how lonely I was last year and I was thinking about telling her like everything about how I was suicidal and shit like that but then I was like I don't want to freak her out so I didn't. Thank goodness to since it ended up being in the grext... that would have been super embarrassing. I've only told one person that I had thoughts about it. However I didn't tell them how deep I went. It got to where every room I walked into I would try to find a way I could. It was bad but I knew I could never leave my mom and brother so I never attempted it. I know if I had done it or even tried I'd regret it. So I pushed through and got somewhat better. I tried to make friends and be more positive which did help but I still have bad days like everyone. I took a personality test and it told me to imagine a beach. It asked how many people I saw I saw none. Later in the video it said the number of people where how many close friends you have.... greatttttt I really am alone.
