Write it Down so I Don't Forget

First Impressions

So Rachel is still mad but you know what fuck it. If she is going to be mad at me for telling her the truth then so be it. I'm done I'm not going to chase after her and beg for her fucking forgiveness because she has never done that for me and is rarely, if ever, is there for me. I'll be moderately sad and all but honestly she asked me for advice and I gave it to her. In English we're talking about Hamlet and his readiness to die. She started talking about being happy in the moment rather than looking at life like "I'll be happy after I get over this bump, or I'll be happy after this, this and this happens." I've done that all my life and now I'm going to fucking be happy in the moment. Im going to get myself a boyfriend before the end of senior year and I'm not going to stress. Im going to have fun and live a little! I'm not going to sit and feel bad for myself anymore. I'm going to woman up. Hell with anything that doesn't make me happy. Also Natalie didn't text me either so she is prob not talking to me too because of Rachel so yeah they prob all are mad at me even though I didn't do anyone but whatever. I don't even care anymore she can forgive me or not doesn't matter to me. What happens happens.
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I have so much to say!! OMG so stayed out late again and today I had a ton of homework 😂😂😂. So the group and I decided to do a secret Santa so that will be fun, I got Erin. I'm going to get her everything elephant themed. So we were going around and telling each other our first impressions and stuff Kane said that he thought I was intimidating, and I said I thought he was extremely weird. Which is true even now that I know him. Then we did current impressions, it kind of seemed like he likes Claire because he was like I appreciate how goofy and fun you can be. Then for me he was like you're cool. WHAT IS THAT!  He talked so much about Claire and then for me he says cool that's all! Ughhhh so then one of my friends that I haven't seen in a while shows up, his name is Jack and he is the best freaking person honestly wish I was him. We all start talking then Claire and Erin leave. He sits down and Kane and him are friends too so we all start talking about attractive people lol. Jack is gay for your information. And Kane accepts that people are attractive in general so we all be like "oh this guy is cute or this girl is cute "and so on and so forth. Then Kane leaves to go to his dance lesson and Jack and I just talk about life and school because we haven't seen each other in a while or talked since we have zero classes together which makes me so sad because honestly he is my favorite person. He is so real and genuine, he is literal goals. I love Jack he is the best. So yeah stayed out talking to him for a while and then came home took a shower and now I'm here. I have to wake up to do all my homework at 3... Kill me now lol. My plan was to do work but that didn't happen.... Got too distracted. I feel like I act like Kane is too much of one of the girls.... He might think he is in the friend zone with me... Ughhhh grrrr I wish he'd ask me out already!! Okay so Jack asked him if he was dating anyone and Kane looks at us and is like "no I'm single and ready to mingle" as he is about to leave. Is that a hint!? And is him just saying "you're cool" him trying to hide the fact that he likes me!? So many questions!!! Omg! I almost forgot Erin asked Kane why guys don't like us and Kane tells me that it's because I'm "unapproachable" is that why he won't ask me out? I'm going to bring it up tomorrow at some point tomorrow.