Chapter 50

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by craicmyballs

by craicmyballs

Giselle's POV

Ashton and I decided to go to Jamba Juice after I told him there was a secret menu.

"I've never tried Jamba Juice," Ashton shrugs, keeping his eye on the road.

"Never?" I raise an eyebrow and look at him. He shakes his head. "Where have you been? Living under a rock?"

"Yes, Giselle, I'm Patrick Star," he sarcastically says and rolls his eyes.

"Well, you're going to fall in love with it!" I state.

"How are you so sure?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, everyone loves Jamba Juice," I roll my eyes.

"Is that so?" He asks, and I nod my head. "Well, you remember our plan?" He asks. I sigh and roll my eyes again.

"Yes, I'll get a Screaming Orgasm and you'll get a Penis Shooter," I laugh.

"Seriously though, who names their smoothies out of sexual things?" He makes a disgusted face. I shrug.

"I don't know? Don't ask me! Ask the owner of the damn company!" I laugh.

Being with Ashton has made me forget all about Niall and Lucy, and I'm actually enjoying his company. This kid can make my days brighter, and I'm grateful for that.

Niall's POV

When I walk out the door of Lucy's apartment, I make sure to walk as fast as I can.

"Niall wait!" Lucy yells, though I don't stop. "Does she know?" I stiffen.

Those are the three words that make me stop my movements. I stand still not looking back.

"She doesn't need to know," I grit through my teeth.

"Oh, but she does," she murmurs in my ear. "Let me tell you something Niall..." she places both of her hands on either of my shoulders and squeezes them lightly, I gulp, "either you tell her, or I'll do it myself."

"All that time ago you said you'd be back. You never came. You took everything from me, and now you want more? I used to trust you, but now all I see when I look at you is just a backstab waiting to happen. You said you wouldn't judge, but you turned around and did what you said you wouldn't. Give me three good reasons why I should take you back! Will you take care of me? Love me? Heal all my pain?" I look at her. She stays silent. "...that's what I thought.

"Niall, wait!" Lucy exclaims.

"No, I waited forever for the day when you would see me more than just a useless toy. That day never came. We can never go back to the way things were. I'm sorry, but that's the way it will always be. Our relationship went from love to hate in such a small amount of time... What happened to the way that you looked at me? All I see in your eyes now is disgust and hatred. I need to gather the strength to just let go. Sometimes it’s easier to leave than it is to stay. Watch me leave. I'll walk right out of here and you can't stop me! I'm sorry ... but I just don't love you the way I used to," I see the hurt in her eyes, and oddly, I feel good about hurting her. She deserves every little bit of hurt she made me feel. I look at her intensely once more and walk away.

I can't tell Giselle about what's happened in my past. We all have something to hide, a dark place inside us we don't want the world to see. Often, when I hang out with my friends, I forget everything and feel fine, but once I'm back home, alone again, it's like I wasn't even happy at all. Secrets like depression, eating disorders, self harm, or anything, are hard to keep. It's hard because you want someone to know. You want them to ask why you're sad, why you won't eat, what happened to your wrists, or legs. And as good as it feels to let it all out, you regret it immediately. I think I fall in love with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much. But when it comes to me, I'm afraid of showing people the other side of me. I feel like they won't understand and they won't see me the same anymore. Maybe I think too much and talk to little. I can't escape from a dark reality that has built up to this point.

The walls are closing in, and I'm stuck inside.