Drowning in you

•nine•

Josh picked up his phone. He was sitting on the steps of the venue, it was late at night and the steps were cold. Opening messages he decided to text Brandon.

Josh: hey

Bread bin urie: what's up my dood

Bread bin urie: it's been ages man

Bread bin urie: how are you

Josh: I'm ok I guess. Can I ask you something?

Bread bin urie: I'm a fountain of knowledge of all things. Ask away

Josh: I like someone.

Bread bin urie: well that's a surprise. It's been forever since you noticed anyone. I mean you have your pick of the litter if you know what I mean, I've watched your shows, girls drool over you man.

Josh: Yeah

Bread bin urie: so...

Josh: so what

Bread bin urie: who is it

Josh: Tyler

Bread bin urie: ...

Josh: I know it's wrong. I feel terrible. He's married. I don't even know why I told you. Fuck

Bread bin urie: josh.

Josh: what

Bread bin urie: I'm just sorry. Josh he's married, and he loves Jenna. We've both seen the way they look at each other. It's like the fall in love each other more every second. Tyler is in love with someone else. Josh you and Tyler would be amazing together, you would be blue and red, soft Like the sunset, tough and strong like the mountains, and happy like the wind, but it's just not to be. You can love him, but he will never look at you the way you look at him. Nothing good will come of this josh, he'll tear your heart into pieces, he will cut you farther than anyone you've ever loved. I'm sorry josh, there's nothing you can do. It's going to hurt josh, and I'm so sorry for that.

Josh: read at 11:47pm

He let in a shaky  breath, he could feel the familiar  tightness in his chest, spreading up through his throat, tears brimming him his deep brown eyes.  Josh sobbed, he let himself have one sob, one shuddering miserable moment, then he knew he couldn't do this, not when there was the possibility that Tyler could find him like this, see him when he was so weak.
He looked down the deserted dusky street, spotting a large stretch of trees that had to be a park. He ran not thinking, not quite remembering how to breath, his only thought was that of his need to get to those trees. Get to that forest where he knew he would be alone, by himself with his reckless emotions, and unsteady mind. Alone to do what he wanted, to let out the hot lump of tears rising in his throat, to let out the panic he felt surging through every muscle and every nerve in his body. Alone.
He barley reached the trees before the tears came. The the crashing kind, blurring your vision and thoughts, the kind that racked your chest and shook your shoulders, the kind that made things worse not better. Josh stopped and picked up a rock about the size of a baseball into his large calloused hand.

Warning. There is some self harm coming up, stay alive, and skip if you need.
Shaking with panic, and with the emotions coursing through him far to fast, he didn't think. Didn't think about what it would mean, what he was throwing away. He had promised Tyler he never would do this again, never hurt himself.
Thud.
He brought the rock down against his ribs, felt the crack of pain echoing through his hollow body.
Thud.
Again he hit himself, taking in a shuddering breath.
Thud.
He felt white pain, and hot tears streaming down his neck.
Thud.
The rock struck him again, seemingly of its own accord, he felt like he was seeing himself in third person, he no longer thought about what he was doing
Thud.
It hurt. No, no it felt good. Good to take it out on himself.
Thud.
He deserved it after all, he deserved to be punished, he loved Tyler, he wanted nothing more than for him to leave Jenna, to be with josh. He was horrible.
Thud.
He shuddered.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
He could feel the pain searing through him. One more, just one more, you deserve it.
Thud.
He let the rock roll off his hand and into the dirt. He sat there for a long time, shaking. It was just him and the whispering leaves, and the stars gazing down, and the burning pain, and his thoughts. I love Tyler he thought. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. He groaned, wiping the tears off his face. He scrambled to his feet, and staggered out of the trees, His side aching . He slowly crossed the street, and remarkably found the bus. He gulped down a huge breath, then let it out in one long sigh. He rested his hand on the door, breathing three more times, then slowly turned the handle, and shuffled inside.

I'm sorry! It's sad, and there will be more sad stuff later in the story. Sorry if it's taking to long for you, but this is going to be slow build, so be patient, the fluff will come soon...

Comment what you think of this book please!!!