Drowning in you

•thirtyseven•

Josh had never really liked hospitals. The masked scent of death slipped through your fingers as they swung at your sides while you walked.
His deep almond eyes were reddened by the tears that still leaked slowly from their corners, the harsh sharpness of the ceiling lights burning them painfully and sending aching throbs of pain through his head.
Soft whispered breaths snuck between his chapped lips on occasion.
He followed the scrub clad nurse down the never ending hallway as she expertly wove her way through the ongoing tide of speed walking medical staff.
A shoulder coated in stiff blue fabric shoved josh roughly, and he turned to see a young doctor hustling his way through the temporarily empty hallway pushing a gurney.
On top of It's simple grey plastic frame a body was draped, it's weak frame covered hastily with a wrinkled white sheet.
Josh caught his breath as he saw a shock of mocha hair.
He chased down the cart, and pulled aside the sheet despite the complaints of the doctor.
It wasn't Tyler.
The small knot of worry he had knit loosened and fell away. He breathed in, and exhaled, then turned and once again rushed after the impatient nurse who was disappearing around a corner.
The sick smell of chemicals and disinfectant filled his nose and made him wince.

Flashback: ( self harm trigger warning. Stay alive friends)

Josh couldn't really remember why he had cut so deep on that particular afternoon. Maybe his classes had been extra boring that day, the absence of work let his mind wander to the constant on slot of self hatred that was his daily reality.

Maybe his bullying brain had torn away more of his feeble self esteem than usual, leaving him raw and scratched inside.

Josh had taken the bus home, trying to block out the mindless chatter of the other teens with music. Unfortunately Josh's earbuds had been broken, so the music clicked in and out of focus, lurching on and off.
The fact that even music, his one and only friend, couldn't shelter him was the last straw. He pressed his forehead against the dusty rain spattered glass of the bus and counted down the city blocks of dollhouse houses until his bus stop.
Josh dragged his feet down the steps of the bus, then up his house steps.
His sister was humming in the kitchen, and he snuck up the steps, skulking into the bathroom.
He remembered grabbing the small brown box of razor blades from behind the leaking pipes of the bathroom sink.
He remembered to much scarlet blood pooling on the creamy tiles of the bathroom, and beneath cuts littering the ugly pudgy skin stretched over his ribs.
More blood than last time was the last thing his fuzzy mind processed before he had slipped into the drowsy embrace of unconsciousness.

Josh guessed that his sister had found him shortly afterward, and rushed him to the hospital in their beat up car, but he had no memory of these events.

The first thing josh had picked up on when he awoke hours later was the overwhelming sent of the hospitals disinfectant and chemical ridden air, followed closely by burning pain from the numerous stitches on his torso, and his sisters hushed voice in his ear whispering
"I won't tell Mom and dad, but you can NEVER do that again josh, never, do you understand?"

Josh shuddered, his chest aching with the memory of healing cuts.
It was then that he noticed The nurse was trying to talk to him.
At first he heard nothing, then He concentrated on her lips and made out what she was trying to say.
"- your umm... "friend" is in the next room over. You may not touch him, or tamper with any of the medical equipment he's hooked up to. It is vital that you understand that he is in critical condition, even the slightest disturbance could cause sudden death. sir are you listening? SIR?"
Josh's mouth went dry at the words " critical condition.
He brushed past the nurse in a trance, pushing the door open with a crack and stepping into the dimly lit hospital room.

Well I'm glad I forced myself to write this, it felt good to update.

Please Leave comments, I could really use the motivation to continue ( I'm needy sorry y'all )

I Love every single one of you whether you are stuffing your face with chocolate, reading this instead of homework, or distracting yourself from your own problems, I'm glad I have your support of my writing attempts.

Much love,
-Samantha <3