Drowning in you

•fortysix•

Josh returned to his apartment that evening his skin feeling like it was a few sizes to small. His mind inched to be free of its burdens but he was trapped inside his head and his mind was trapped inside of him.
And so he lay on the couch, his blank eyes staring at the ceiling as blankly as his mind stared at life.
He could make out the slight angular shadows that were cast against the plain white drywall from the big light on the ceiling.
His head ached in painful throbs from the headache that had been growing in his head all day. His throat was dry and scratchy, and he could feel the weakness inside him even more than usual.
He heaved himself up and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge but when he raised it to his lips and drank but he choked in disgust because of the taste of the plain boring water with bitter the sick taste in his mouth.
He set the bottle down and stared at the cupboards for at least ten seconds wondering why he was staring at the cabinets anyway.

You're sick josh, you're just really tired. Just rest a bit.

So he did, following his stumbling feet back
To the couch where he flopped with a sad little thump. The problem of course was that sleep would not take him, it sat torturing him at the edge of his eyes. He tossed and turned, his pale skin slick with sweat that shone under the painfully bright lights of his apartment he had neglected to turn off in his feverish state.
He felt itchy and hot and his hair stuck to his slick forehead in clumps of dull washed out yellow. The color of a workman's boots in the rain, a newspaper trodden in the mud, a faded yellow kids tee shirt.
Even the vibrant yellow of his soul had been toned down until it was an unsavory mustard color which josh couldn't stand.
And with thought he slowly fell into the deep abyss of restless sleep.

The pulsing heat of fairly local was coursing through Josh's frame. His arms bounced in perfect rhythm, his mask covered his head eerily illuminated by the glow of blood red stage lights. He knew he had never played this well in his life, knew that with every finger he was more connected to the music than ever before. Every one of his senses sewn perfectly in line with the thrill of preforming, his stomach beating with the drums.
The crowd was screaming extra loud too, their voices more prominent than usual. Josh allowed himself to think something he'd never thought before they're all cheering for me. They're here for me. Here to appreciate what I do.
But in his heart josh knew that wasn't really true, they were here for Tyler, the man behind the lyrics, the voice, the angel with wings that carried him on his journey to write music to help millions.
Josh could feel the melody of the music playing change and he knew that any second he would hear Tyler rapping into the hanging mic.
The anticipation made josh excited and he waited with baited breath, driving the beat on and on. The moment came and then passed. He could hear the lyrics playing along in his head and ears but there was no one there singing them.
He probably just got caught up backstage I'll keep them entertained.
He kept drumming but the crowd continued screaming like he'd never heard before he knew something was wrong. Slowly he turned to look toward the side of the stage Tyler should have run onto.
He was there lying in a crumpled heap under the cord hanging from the ceiling its red light casting a sickening shadow across his smooth perfect features.
Josh thew his drumsticks away and charged toward him, his feet tumbled unwillingly under him and he stumbled , falling but scrambling up again with his hands sprinting toward Tyler.
The thunder of the crowd was defining but his vision was tunneling around Tyler. He reached him and let his warm calloused drummer hands slide against the silk skin of his neck to find a pulse, something to tell him that Tyler was just doing a stunt for the crowd.
But there wasn't anything, nothing at all. And josh didn't feel anything anymore, so he sat there dumbly, his hands hanging at his sides. The crowd was deathly quiet for a moment, then he could hear the terrible shouts.
"It's all your fault"
"Damn if josh you fucked it up"
"You killed him"
"You killed the man that saved my life"
"Did you even care about him?"
Josh clutched his head in his hands desperately trying to wish away the bright lights and abusing crowd, but they wouldn't leave.
He felt Tyler's neck again, and this time there was a faint feeling of life.
A vibrating buzzing feeling. That's not a pulse
He must really be dead ohmygodohmygodohmygod
The buzzing continued persistently growing more and more insistent.
Josh awoke and flailed around in a half asleep panic for his vibrating phone on his chest.
His fingers scrambled to accept the call.
"Is this Joshua dun?" The clipped professional voice spoke through the phone.
"Yes this is josh." Josh answered, his voice croaking.
"This is the hospital manager, it appears there was a power surge that interrupted many of our hospital monitors and respirators-"

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Hey guys , it's been a while.
As of today I have exactly two more weeks of school whoop!

Thanks for reading
Comment if you have something to say...
Much love-
-Samantha <3