Drowning in you

•twentyseven•

Tyler's head ached, he could feel his thoughts breaking down the barrier between his depression and reality. In this storm he couldn't see straight, and it took all his effort to remember the lyrics to his own songs. They rolled off his tongue, but sounded dull and tasted of sawdust.
Heat radiated off his skin and the lights blinded him, it All felt so wrong, so terribly wrong.
He had dragged himself through the show, each song visibly draining his energy. He tried his best to smile at his fans, to give them what they needed, but how could he convince people to live when his will for life was slowly draining away.
Josh played powerfully, his beat carrying Tyler onward, putting a rhythm to his lyrics.
He could feel the pain Tyler was feeling, and knew this had been a mistake. He knew that Tyler was barely keeping it together, using up his light with every word he spoke. Josh sat there helpless, watching his friend suffer.
The backflip came, and when josh pulled up on the piano he made powerful eye contact with Tyler, trying to give him something to keep him going. Electricity shooting from his brown eyes to Tyler's, but the dullness in Tyler's face didn't shift, and the show had to go on. He ran back to his drums hating himself with every step he took away from Tyler's body.
Tyler felt pure untainted fear, he couldn't feel himself, and his heart thrummed faster and faster and faster against his ribs. He wished he could just scream out in desperation, but he had to finish the show.
He knew what he had to do, he made his way back to his piano. His island in the storm of panic seething in the room. 
"Alright everyone," he said, forcing power into his weak voice," I'm afraid we'll have to cut this show short, my voice seems to be leaving me," he lied through his teeth.
He looked back at josh who looked extremely anxious.
"Alright everyone," he said, pressing his hands to the orderly black and white keys," this last song is dedicated to the love of my life." He felt the warning of tears rising in his throat.
Sometimes you gotta bleed to know
That you're alive and have a soul
But it takes someone to come around
To show you how

She's the tear in my heart
I'm alive
She's the tear in my heart
I'm on fire
She's the tear in my heart
Take me higher
Than I've ever been

Tyler's voice was shaking now, he didn't know if he could hold it together much longer. He reached the end of the song, his hands shaking horribly, his vision blurred with tears.
He covered his face in his hands, allowing himself to let a few tears slide down his face.
The crowd screamed and "awed" thinking he was crying because of how much he loved his wife.
He pushed himself up, using the piano as support, and walked to the center of the stage on his numb legs.
Josh was there, and Tyler melted into his arms like candle wax. He felt safe for the first time since the show started, safe In Josh's powerful scent and heavy breathing, Josh's fluttering heart, Josh's fluffy hair brushing his cheek.
"We are twenty one Pilots and so are you."
He managed weakly, then sprinted off stage.
His legs managed to carry him to his dressing room before they gave out, sending him sprawling onto the carpet, tears pouring from his eyes.  He didn't think, he just sobbed.
His hot breath was suffocating him, and the itchy wool carpet dug into his face. He was scared of his own mind, confident that he had finally lost control of himself. He couldn't just go on like this, it was impossible, he couldn't do it, couldn't do it, couldn't couldn't couldn't... he felt huge heaving sobs break through him disturbing his thoughts. So weak Tyler, so weak, you never could do anything right. You have it all and you aren't thankful, you should just leave, I'm sure someone could
Replace you, it certainly wouldn't be too hard, it's not like you've accomplished anything anyway. Blurry screamed in his head, and Tyler was horrified that he was agreeing more and more with his other half.
Footsteps slammed into the floor bringing Tyler back to reality with a jerk.
"Tyler!" Josh's shouted, running over and cupping his tear streaked face in his warm hands.
"Tyler I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you to do that show! I'm stupid, I'm sorry, god what can I do?" He hurried out, his voice strangled and rough, from this Tyler's frazzled mind could guess josh was having a panic attack. He looked up to find josh shaking, one hand running though his hair, pulling roughly at its straggly curls, the other gripping his throat.
Tyler reached over, rubbing his back in small circles, working his hand from his throat.
"Breathe for me josh." He whispered softly.
He reached over and grabbed Josh's shaking hand with his own, placing it on his own chest over his heart.
"Match your heartbeat to mine. Ok josh? That's all you have to do, just take deep breaths."
Eventually his breathing slowed enough, and he stopped shaking.
"Let's go back to the hotel room ty, you need to rest badly. "
Tyler nodded in agreement, weakly sitting up, his head spinning.

They hurried into the hotel, taking the stairs rather than the elevator because neither of them could stand to wait and do nothing.
They stumbled hurriedly into the room, closing the door behind them.
"Wait, I have to tell the crew you can't perform for a few weeks, I gotta go." Josh spoke hurriedly, his voice brimming with worry and determination.
"I'll be back ty, I promise, give me an hour, I'll be back soon."
Tyler nodded slowly, watching josh grab his car keys and run from the room. He knew full well what he needed to do, he had made up his mind.